Lied about age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I originally went into this thread thinking no big deal, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is a deal breaker. It is a small, stupid, inconsequential thing to lie about. If you lie about small stupid and inconsequential things, you will lie about much more important things.

I agree, and the "I want to get past filters" justification makes it worse to me, not better. If someone says they don't want to date you it's kind of gross to try to "sneak" around that. There's a difference between casting a wide net and misrepresenting yourself to get more matches.

As someone who has online dated off and on over 6 years over probably 10 different sites, if you don’t realize that most people on online dating are misrepresenting themselves to a degree, you haven’t done much online dating. Whether it’s shaving years off an age, adding inches to height, wearing a ball cap in photos to hide baldness, using photos that are filtered or professionally (or not) edited, saying they’re a non-smoker when really they’re a social smoker - it’s all people minimizing what makes them insecure/unappealing. It’s fine if OP doesn’t want to date someone the age that their person has turned out to be, but realize that it’s unlikely the next profile or the next 10 you run across is going to be 100% accurate upfront. That’s just not the norm. It’s not so much about dishonesty -it’s more about insecurity.

Yes I have. For 10 years. I'm aware people misrepresent themselves, that doesn't mean I have to accept it. I never accepted liars, and it worked out pretty well for me.

[Anonymous]

My favorite "lie" were the guys who never mentioned they had kids until we were on a date.

I'm sure I'm a "crazy bitch" in a lot of stories, but the minute they mentioned having kids I paid for my drinks and left without another word. Yes, I made it clear in my profile that I didn't want kids. Which meant these dads were either illiterate or thought they were sooooo fantastic that they could change my mind. Neither is a good trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My favorite "lie" were the guys who never mentioned they had kids until we were on a date.

I'm sure I'm a "crazy bitch" in a lot of stories, but the minute they mentioned having kids I paid for my drinks and left without another word. Yes, I made it clear in my profile that I didn't want kids. Which meant these dads were either illiterate or thought they were sooooo fantastic that they could change my mind. Neither is a good trait.

While I agree with you that they should have put having kids with the rest of information about themselves - you not wanting kids for most people means "not wanting kids on your own".

Since this info comes from a selection of generated answers, you need to inform these men that you don't want their kids either in your profile.

[Anonymous]

It’s a red flag. If there are others, bail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite "lie" were the guys who never mentioned they had kids until we were on a date.

I'm sure I'm a "crazy bitch" in a lot of stories, but the minute they mentioned having kids I paid for my drinks and left without another word. Yes, I made it clear in my profile that I didn't want kids. Which meant these dads were either illiterate or thought they were sooooo fantastic that they could change my mind. Neither is a good trait.

While I agree with you that they should have put having kids with the rest of information about themselves - you not wanting kids for most people means "not wanting kids on your own".

Since this info comes from a selection of generated answers, you need to inform these men that you don't want their kids either in your profile.

Does it? If a man says he doesn't want kids and you have a 3 year old would you think "he doesn't want kids but surely he's going to be OK with a child in the home for 15 years"? That's just not rational thinking. People who don't want kids don't want them. Not even "just every other week".

There's a reason they don't mention having kids. Like the age thing they're just trying to sneak around other people's preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite "lie" were the guys who never mentioned they had kids until we were on a date.

I'm sure I'm a "crazy bitch" in a lot of stories, but the minute they mentioned having kids I paid for my drinks and left without another word. Yes, I made it clear in my profile that I didn't want kids. Which meant these dads were either illiterate or thought they were sooooo fantastic that they could change my mind. Neither is a good trait.

While I agree with you that they should have put having kids with the rest of information about themselves - you not wanting kids for most people means "not wanting kids on your own".

Since this info comes from a selection of generated answers, you need to inform these men that you don't want their kids either in your profile.

Does it? If a man says he doesn't want kids and you have a 3 year old would you think "he doesn't want kids but surely he's going to be OK with a child in the home for 15 years"? That's just not rational thinking. People who don't want kids don't want them. Not even "just every other week".

There's a reason they don't mention having kids. Like the age thing they're just trying to sneak around other people's preferences.

Last time I've done online dating there was a part where you state if you have kids or not (doesn't have them, but wants them / doesn't have them and doesn't want them). If this particular man stated that he didn't have any kids, than he was lying.

But my point remains "doesn't have kids and doesn't want them" means that you don't want to procreate, not necessarily that you don't want to date men with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite "lie" were the guys who never mentioned they had kids until we were on a date.

I'm sure I'm a "crazy bitch" in a lot of stories, but the minute they mentioned having kids I paid for my drinks and left without another word. Yes, I made it clear in my profile that I didn't want kids. Which meant these dads were either illiterate or thought they were sooooo fantastic that they could change my mind. Neither is a good trait.

While I agree with you that they should have put having kids with the rest of information about themselves - you not wanting kids for most people means "not wanting kids on your own".

Since this info comes from a selection of generated answers, you need to inform these men that you don't want their kids either in your profile.

Does it? If a man says he doesn't want kids and you have a 3 year old would you think "he doesn't want kids but surely he's going to be OK with a child in the home for 15 years"? That's just not rational thinking. People who don't want kids don't want them. Not even "just every other week".

There's a reason they don't mention having kids. Like the age thing they're just trying to sneak around other people's preferences.

Last time I've done online dating there was a part where you state if you have kids or not (doesn't have them, but wants them / doesn't have them and doesn't want them). If this particular man stated that he didn't have any kids, than he was lying.

But my point remains "doesn't have kids and doesn't want them" means that you don't want to procreate, not necessarily that you don't want to date men with kids.

You used OKCupid too? And yes, they would leave that section blank. If they stated they had kids I never bothered with them. I think we'll have to agree to disagree re: "doesn't have kids and doesn't want them". Every childfree person will tell you that not wanting kids means they're not going to live with your kids. DINK /= "Dual Income and I Babysit His Kids"

[Anonymous]

gross.

[Anonymous]

The advice is to lie about your age to get you more options but I don't see how you come back from this. When do you admit your real age and also it feels like if you will lie about something like this what else will you lie about? I don't like it and don't do it. If I otherwise meet your criteria but 50 is too told for you then, it's too old. So be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite "lie" were the guys who never mentioned they had kids until we were on a date.

I'm sure I'm a "crazy bitch" in a lot of stories, but the minute they mentioned having kids I paid for my drinks and left without another word. Yes, I made it clear in my profile that I didn't want kids. Which meant these dads were either illiterate or thought they were sooooo fantastic that they could change my mind. Neither is a good trait.

While I agree with you that they should have put having kids with the rest of information about themselves - you not wanting kids for most people means "not wanting kids on your own".

Since this info comes from a selection of generated answers, you need to inform these men that you don't want their kids either in your profile.

[Anonymous]

A good friend of mine is 53 and he has his age as 48 in his profile. He met a wonderful woman and still hasn’t told her his real age. Both he, and my husband, think that he needs to date her for another month or so, and then when he reveals the truth, she’ll be somewhat committed to him and it won’t be a big deal to her.

I have told them that this is the exact opposite of how women think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good friend of mine is 53 and he has his age as 48 in his profile. He met a wonderful woman and still hasn’t told her his real age. Both he, and my husband, think that he needs to date her for another month or so, and then when he reveals the truth, she’ll be somewhat committed to him and it won’t be a big deal to her.

I have told them that this is the exact opposite of how women think.

I hope he's dating a nice 45 yo who's actually 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I originally went into this thread thinking no big deal, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is a deal breaker. It is a small, stupid, inconsequential thing to lie about. If you lie about small stupid and inconsequential things, you will lie about much more important things.

I agree, and the "I want to get past filters" justification makes it worse to me, not better. If someone says they don't want to date you it's kind of gross to try to "sneak" around that. There's a difference between casting a wide net and misrepresenting yourself to get more matches.

As someone who has online dated off and on over 6 years over probably 10 different sites, if you don’t realize that most people on online dating are misrepresenting themselves to a degree, you haven’t done much online dating. Whether it’s shaving years off an age, adding inches to height, wearing a ball cap in photos to hide baldness, using photos that are filtered or professionally (or not) edited, saying they’re a non-smoker when really they’re a social smoker - it’s all people minimizing what makes them insecure/unappealing. It’s fine if OP doesn’t want to date someone the age that their person has turned out to be, but realize that it’s unlikely the next profile or the next 10 you run across is going to be 100% accurate upfront. That’s just not the norm. It’s not so much about dishonesty -it’s more about insecurity.

+1 I admit to one of those who shave a few years from my profile mostly because I wanted to meet someone younger with kids my age (I had kids late in life). I usually came clean before the first date. One woman was particularly upset with me for misrepresenting my age--but it didn't seem to matter that her photo looked like it was from 10 years ago. I have been off the market for several years as I did find happiness with a wonderful woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about their age if they look hot? And they are healthy? And their STD screening came back clean?

Tendency to lie is a huge deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I originally went into this thread thinking no big deal, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is a deal breaker. It is a small, stupid, inconsequential thing to lie about. If you lie about small stupid and inconsequential things, you will lie about much more important things.

I agree, and the "I want to get past filters" justification makes it worse to me, not better. If someone says they don't want to date you it's kind of gross to try to "sneak" around that. There's a difference between casting a wide net and misrepresenting yourself to get more matches.

As someone who has online dated off and on over 6 years over probably 10 different sites, if you don’t realize that most people on online dating are misrepresenting themselves to a degree, you haven’t done much online dating. Whether it’s shaving years off an age, adding inches to height, wearing a ball cap in photos to hide baldness, using photos that are filtered or professionally (or not) edited, saying they’re a non-smoker when really they’re a social smoker - it’s all people minimizing what makes them insecure/unappealing. It’s fine if OP doesn’t want to date someone the age that their person has turned out to be, but realize that it’s unlikely the next profile or the next 10 you run across is going to be 100% accurate upfront. That’s just not the norm. It’s not so much about dishonesty -it’s more about insecurity.

+1 I admit to one of those who shave a few years from my profile mostly because I wanted to meet someone younger with kids my age (I had kids late in life). I usually came clean before the first date. One woman was particularly upset with me for misrepresenting my age--but it didn't seem to matter that her photo looked like it was from 10 years ago. I have been off the market for several years as I did find happiness with a wonderful woman.

You are still lying. No way you were looking for someone younger with kids the same age. I pity the fool who is investing her time into you - liar, liar, pants on fire.