I am livid - Unreliable father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

You are a moron. Why would she go back for a modification? If the father can't afford it, he needs to petition the court. All you can say is what the woman needs to do in this situation and lie about her motivations and feelings towards his new wife. What about the MAN? I think you are some bitter man that lives in a dark basement apartment because your wife left you and took your money and kids. All you have to do is troll DCUM looking for posts by divorced women so you can dump all over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

You are a moron. Why would she go back for a modification? If the father can't afford it, he needs to petition the court. All you can say is what the woman needs to do in this situation and lie about her motivations and feelings towards his new wife. What about the MAN? I think you are some bitter man that lives in a dark basement apartment because your wife left you and took your money and kids. All you have to do is troll DCUM looking for posts by divorced women so you can dump all over them.

We don't know the entire situation. You always want to blame Dad and make the mom look wonderful. Why do you hate men so much? Maybe you are the reason why Dad's give up as you are so mean and nasty.

Someone needs to file as she should not be sending money back and if its a hardship for him it makes more sense to change the order. Its easy for her to do online. No so easy for him as he'd have to file in court which costs money and attorney fees.

Maybe if she tried to work with Dad's wife, things would be better overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

Agree with the above. If OP has a beef with father then take it up via the court. This goes with father, too. If OP is creating problems with father trying to maintain his relationship with daughter then he should bring evidence and bring it up in court. Many judges/court systems are becoming more aware of parental alienation and its damaging effects on children and will take that into consideration.

It's not crazy to include other factors like the child's relationship with half-siblings either. If a judge is presented evidence that a parent is obstructing a young child's visitation with a parent, or obstructing the healthy development of sibling relationships (without valid reason) I'm sure that will be considered. It won't be in OPs favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many jobs is the new wife working?

The new wife and her working has nothing to do with anything.

NP.. It sure does! She has a child and a baby on the way!

[Anonymous]

He needs to file for a modification if it is needed. His new wife will help him. OP needs to stop being so accommodating to him and his needs. Can you imagine what some of you are suggesting? --- Your honor, I am filing for a modification because I want less money for my child because my ex-husband has a new family. He has not submitted updated financials. I take his word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We don't know the entire situation. You always want to blame Dad and make the mom look wonderful. Why do you hate men so much? Maybe you are the reason why Dad's give up as you are so mean and nasty.

Someone needs to file as she should not be sending money back and if its a hardship for him it makes more sense to change the order. Its easy for her to do online. No so easy for him as he'd have to file in court which costs money and attorney fees.

Maybe if she tried to work with Dad's wife, things would be better overall.

No we don't, but you don't either. OP is posting here with her information so that's what we react to.

The Dad's wife is not a party to this relationship. The father is the one who moved away and got married, effectively bringing another woman and their children into his first child's life. It's on him to negotiate these relationships and make them work.

OP and Dad have a custody order. If the order is for him to show up every other weekend, he needs to show up. If he said he'll take the kid for the entire week, he has to take the kid for the entire week. There is no excuse to not do what he is supposed to do. Dads have parental duties too and they need to take care of them like it's a job instead of demanding that the world rearranges itself around them so that they experience as little hardship as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

Don't be ridiculous. The most important? You mean more important than putting food on the table? How about shelter? More important than that? What about education and supporting her development? That's less important too?

Let's acknowledge one obvious thing: it's the adult's job to foster and support their relationship with their own child. Not another adult's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

Don't be ridiculous. The most important? You mean more important than putting food on the table? How about shelter? More important than that? What about education and supporting her development? That's less important too?

Let's acknowledge one obvious thing: it's the adult's job to foster and support their relationship with their own child. Not another adult's.

OP, if this is you posting again you seriously need to get counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

Agree with the above. If OP has a beef with father then take it up via the court. This goes with father, too. If OP is creating problems with father trying to maintain his relationship with daughter then he should bring evidence and bring it up in court. Many judges/court systems are becoming more aware of parental alienation and its damaging effects on children and will take that into consideration.

It's not crazy to include other factors like the child's relationship with half-siblings either. If a judge is presented evidence that a parent is obstructing a young child's visitation with a parent, or obstructing the healthy development of sibling relationships (without valid reason) I'm sure that will be considered. It won't be in OPs favor.

WTF???

The OP said she WANTED her daughter to spend the week with her dad. The daughter wanted to spend time with her dad.

The only one who did not want to spend time with the daughter was the dad. OP can’t make him care.

[Anonymous]

Op I was your daughter. It was nice that my mom acknowledged that what my dad was doing sucked and wasn't fair. She did the whole pretending he was a good dad thing for awhile and it was just annoying to me. She remarried when I was 14. I consider my stepdad more of a dad than my biological dad.

Who knows OP. Maybe the new wife has something to do with it. Or he's using her as an easy scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

You are a moron. Why would she go back for a modification? If the father can't afford it, he needs to petition the court. All you can say is what the woman needs to do in this situation and lie about her motivations and feelings towards his new wife. What about the MAN? I think you are some bitter man that lives in a dark basement apartment because your wife left you and took your money and kids. All you have to do is troll DCUM looking for posts by divorced women so you can dump all over them.

Ouch! Some one hates men more than anything in their life. Sorry you had bad experience with a few but please don't teach this to your kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but this is ghetto AF.

If you were a black woman, there would be no sympathy for you. LMAO

[Anonymous]

I’m a divorced mom and could have written OP’s post. Several times in the past year alone. He never, ever calls. And he is black, as is his daughter. I’ve paid at least $400K alone, maybe .5mil with medical and opportunity costs all in for our child, and that is just their medical. Doesn’t fully include the cost of lost wages/retirement because of a refusal to show emotional maturity or a misunderstanding of child support, alimony, what it means. I’ve worked my ass off to be in a position of empowerment despite being attacked by someone I trusted my life to build another with. Why does race matter? Because we are already stressed out and dealing with just as much weight as the next person with a myriad of untold issues that are systemic in society, systemic in our families, systemic in our communities. We have been working on changing things bottom up for a long time. Ever heard the term crabs in a barrel? Your post brings the saying to mind as you laugh about how common neglect is with black fathers and their children.

Tell me why we don’t deserve sympathy because of our race? Because it is a stereotypical trope that Is also a stark reality most people would never understand? It sounds like you’re promoting tolerance of just being a lacklustre and shitty father as the status quo for black women so any other race should deal with it. Well, if that is what you’re saying — your wrong. Black women have dealt with it for far too long. We have advocated and defended and even taken blows and abuse from our black men because it was a choice between being killed by the polic, jailed, and gone as a part er or makybe just sucking it up and normalizing the abuse and abandonment and disrespect. Black women have carried black men’s children even as their well intention failures cause more problem than resolve. If we date other races, we are “sell outs”, and there is never an expectation or call to true leadership in men (outside of the church, which is an entirely different system with function but certain inefficiency too).

Women like me have answered the call of duty to repair our broken families with our own wounds for far too long. Sometimes it is like giving a clown keys to the car. Unfortunately, like many people I made my choice in my first husband based on what I learned, not necessarily what was wise. I acknowledge that my responsibility remains whether I had the same start at gunshot as others in the race or not.

It’s an exhaustive cycle and it is the worst pain to see that weight of rejection on your little girl, knowing that she will already have a tough hill to climb, like many other types that start off on life with some cards stacked against them. I’ve cried for brothers that came out as gay, not because I cared about them being gay or felt it was any more of a sin or wrong than me having sec our marriage — I cried because I knew they just added another stack of cards to the deck against them.

What OP is talking about? These are very basic 101 parenting expectations that we simply did not all have or know. We leaned from the Huxtables, much like America saw blended families with the Brady Bunch. While we have made strides, and rhwre are amazing examples, rhwre are still** far too many black men like my ex, OPs ex, that are simply proud, incompetent, insecure, maybe well meaning but totally ignorant on how to move forward and not let history repeat itself with the failure of another black father.

I worry about the MRA groups because it’s just another redirection of broken negativity into another lie, that still sets black families backwards. This happened a lot on black churches, where black men thirsted for leadership and it branched into a community of support that was at times distorted with (unintentional) misunderstanding.

I said a lot. I have a lot to say. I’ve been quiet for far too long. And I speak in truth and goodwill, despite any pain so when I hear more silence to pain in the world - I don’t care if I’m the only voice.

Now, OP, make an inspiration playlist fir your daughter. Women’s empowerment, if you’re a believer reminder her of her Heavenly Father and what he ways about her.

Beyoncé Black is King video is really, really powerful symbolism of our AA heritage. Try to find it on YouTube and watch it with your daughter. She has a complicated road ahead and she will require your confidence, trust, respect, empowerment, and joy in ways that you may have never even received before🙉

From there? It’s all good. Monkeys are gonna dance, but you just keep walking how you’re talking! And only speak life into those things that you want to grow and increase. Ignore the rest and let it die on its own, negative energy does not deserve your power. If you can help your daughter understand that —

You may save her enough money dor a down payment on a home. At least $15K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

It's her father's job to connect with his child.

Furthermore, whoever said "but it's her child's half-sibling" is crazy. A vast majority of second wives would have preferred that their husbands had no older children since children compete for limited resources. Particularly if the older child lives elsewhere, the second wife's preferred MO is to pretend that child does not exist.

The father cannot do it without her support given she has custody. You make huge generalizations about wives. OP is clearly not very nice to the Dad's wife which may play a factor in it.

OP doesn't want the kid to have a relationship or she'd make more of an effort and help make it work.

She needs to go file with the child support office for a modification vs. negotiating and sending it back every month. Its free to file.

You are a moron. Why would she go back for a modification? If the father can't afford it, he needs to petition the court. All you can say is what the woman needs to do in this situation and lie about her motivations and feelings towards his new wife. What about the MAN? I think you are some bitter man that lives in a dark basement apartment because your wife left you and took your money and kids. All you have to do is troll DCUM looking for posts by divorced women so you can dump all over them.

We don't know the entire situation. You always want to blame Dad and make the mom look wonderful. Why do you hate men so much? Maybe you are the reason why Dad's give up as you are so mean and nasty.

Someone needs to file as she should not be sending money back and if its a hardship for him it makes more sense to change the order. Its easy for her to do online. No so easy for him as he'd have to file in court which costs money and attorney fees.

Maybe if she tried to work with Dad's wife, things would be better overall.

Instead of creating fantasies about other people so you can eel better about yourself, find a therapist to deal with your obvious, deep seated insecurities.