I am livid - Unreliable father

[Anonymous]

Condoms are cheaper than children.

Keep all the money he owes you. Hand him a box of condoms next time you see him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Disagree. OP, suggest you read up on the importance of father-daughter relationships. There are plenty of scientific studies which you will find informative. Then seek out a therapist that will help both your daughter and YOU navigate her relationship with her father.

Instead of being defensive be proactive. Your daughter will never fault you if she sees you've done everything you can to help her connect with her father in a positive way no matter his faults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Your jealousy is very evident in this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

You both need to go back to court or the child support office to get the child support readjusted. Problem solved.

You are supposed to pay all expenses if you are getting child support. That's what it is for. You shouldn't be asking for extra. You are not paying 100% when he's paying child support. You may be paying a larger amount but that's on you for sending the child support back to him.

It sounds like you aren't making an effort or trying in any way to make the wife feel comfortable and if you want them to have a relationship, reach out to both of them and talk to them. Offer to meet half way with the driving. If you had made an effort early on, she may have been more open. You sound pretty critical and maybe she's worried about you accusing her of something or something else going on.

Either you reach out, offer to meet half way and put some effort into it or forget it and move on. Those are your two options. There is clearly more to it if he/they aren't comfortable having daughter at their house. You can always be the bigger person, reach out to her, offer support and kindness and see where it goes for your daughters sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Your jealousy is very evident in this post.

It doesn't sound like jealousy. It sounds like resentment but there are clearly multiple sides to this and no one wants to work together for the child's sake.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't make sense that dad has a second child when he can't afford the first one. Is he a Welfare King?

[Anonymous]

Hug your daughter and try not to let her see your frustration. Don't discuss him unless she asks.

STOP sending any of the child support back to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

OP, it sounds like you have a good heart, but you need to STOP sending that man back any child support. You are TAKING AWAY MONEY MEANT FOR YOUR CHILD and giving it instead to a grown man.

If you must, set that 50% that you had previously been wiring him and move it to a separate savings account just for your daughter. Don't spend it, and do not, under any circumstances give it back to her dad. That money is meant for her. She can use it later for therapy, an amazing summer experience when she's older, college, what-have-you. Please. Do this for her.

[Anonymous]

A grown man i who is not working 2-3 jobs as needed to support his child? He is not a man. My father worked 20 hours a week of overtime to create a cushion for our family.

[Anonymous]

How many jobs is the new wife working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many jobs is the new wife working?

The new wife and her working has nothing to do with anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Your jealousy is very evident in this post.

NP. What jealousy? This is a crazy statement.

OP, ignore this poster. Do not send any money back from child support and don’t let your daughter know how you feel
about her dad. You’re doing great BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Your jealousy is very evident in this post.

NP. What jealousy? This is a crazy statement.

OP, ignore this poster. Do not send any money back from child support and don’t let your daughter know how you feel
about her dad. You’re doing great BTW.

Not crazy. It's based on OPs statements which indicate she obviously has a lot of negative emotion (jealousy, resentment, whatever) over her ex moving on and his wife and child. Just look at bolded - she's blaming SM and attributing comments she supposedly made, yet then says she has no relationship with her. And who the hell would want their husband's ex wife showing up after they've had a baby to "introduce themselves." Talk about intrusive and boundary crossing.

After being divorced for 8 years she should feel ambivalence if not neutral acceptance. OP - get counseling to get your emotions back on a healthy track or your daughter will suffer the consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Your jealousy is very evident in this post.

NP. What jealousy? This is a crazy statement.

OP, ignore this poster. Do not send any money back from child support and don’t let your daughter know how you feel
about her dad. You’re doing great BTW.

Not crazy. It's based on OPs statements which indicate she obviously has a lot of negative emotion (jealousy, resentment, whatever) over her ex moving on and his wife and child. Just look at bolded - she's blaming SM and attributing comments she supposedly made, yet then says she has no relationship with her. And who the hell would want their husband's ex wife showing up after they've had a baby to "introduce themselves." Talk about intrusive and boundary crossing.

After being divorced for 8 years she should feel ambivalence if not neutral acceptance. OP - get counseling to get your emotions back on a healthy track or your daughter will suffer the consequence.

Oh please. If you were bending over backwards to help your child foster a relationship with her parent, only to have the new spouse get in the way of the relationship, you would not be ambivalent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Your jealousy is very evident in this post.

NP. What jealousy? This is a crazy statement.

OP, ignore this poster. Do not send any money back from child support and don’t let your daughter know how you feel
about her dad. You’re doing great BTW.

Not crazy. It's based on OPs statements which indicate she obviously has a lot of negative emotion (jealousy, resentment, whatever) over her ex moving on and his wife and child. Just look at bolded - she's blaming SM and attributing comments she supposedly made, yet then says she has no relationship with her. And who the hell would want their husband's ex wife showing up after they've had a baby to "introduce themselves." Talk about intrusive and boundary crossing.

After being divorced for 8 years she should feel ambivalence if not neutral acceptance. OP - get counseling to get your emotions back on a healthy track or your daughter will suffer the consequence.

Oh please. If you were bending over backwards to help your child foster a relationship with her parent, only to have the new spouse get in the way of the relationship, you would not be ambivalent.

You are also making assumptions based on OPs contradictory statements about what the SM supposedly said. A fact is OP said she went to visit when SM had a baby so she could "introduce" herself. Talk about getting in the way. I'd say the SM was the one who was pretty damn accommodating to allow her husband's ex to visit after she's given birth. Now that's bending over backwards.