Am I allowed to call police?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, I think we are not hearing key information like why they are so desperate to come. Perhaps they think you are unhinged and your family agrees? (You do sound a little unhinged, involving the police in this if you are in no physical danger). Just send a text, copy your family, stating why you don’t feel safe and so will not let them in.

You think I should email them after my husband emailed them??? I will but it seems crazy to stir up more drama instead of just calling the cops if they show up after he already told them not to.

I’m trying to empathize with thinking that *calling the police* would be less drama, but it’s hard.

Imagine the poor officer having to come to your home because you can’t communicate.

actually this is a good reason to call the police. it is not "because you can't communicate", if what OP describes is true, it is not fair to put the blame on her or her DH. they communicated clearly, the other party does not take no for an answer. if i tell you that tomorrow i am going to show up at your house and stay for a week and you tell me no you cannot stay at my house, and I show up anyway and insist that you open the door because I am there, I am sure you would call the police and you would not consider this a lack of communication. I dont know if OP is making things up but I met crazy people in my life include people who did awful things to family member. a close relative died recently of terminal cancer. when she found out she was sick the first thing she did was going to a notary and signing a document that her mom and older sister was not allowed to make any decision for her (cancer was in the brain) and was not even allowed to get close to her at home or at the hospital. and she had good reasons unfortunately. if you dont have crazy family members does not mean others are so lucky.

if these people show up at the door, OP should not open and should call 911. they should cut ties with the ILs and get a restraining order. the ILs hurt the DH and the daughter? enough is enough they can be dealt by the police

[Anonymous]

Op, if you plan to stay home, change locks (if they have keys), stock up some food, park your car in garage, close all windows & door & draperies. I will pretend I am not even at home, and I will not respond to doors or calls. If it gets too severe like they bang the door, I will call police on them.

If you don’t plan to stay home, pack some clothing & stay with friend or so, and treat it as a mini getaway.

[Anonymous]

How did the in-laws find out about the husband’s extended work trip? Who goes on extended work trips with covid, though even without covid, your husband is not being a good husband.

He doesn’t get to leave you to deal with his nutty parents, not when he knows what his parents are capable of. I’d have a real tough time staying married to a person who did that to me. I can be gracious for a truly random event, but not when I am put in a situation like the one op describes where the bad guys are coming to my home and my husband isn’t there to deal with it.

To those of you saying op should pretend she’s not home, that is a horrible way to live. Home is the one place you go when you want/need to feel safe. The in-laws along with her husband are depriving her of that. It’s also very difficult to do on a physical level especially if you have adog, kids, neighbors/friends you do want to see. Plus, nothing is worse then feeling like it isn’t safe for you to open your front door. I’ve lived it.


She also shouldn’t stay with a friend or have a friend stay with her, this isn’t the sort of problem you visit upon another person. If op came home and found cockroaches the size of puppies, then yes, ask to stay with a friend, but involving a friend to serve as a buffer between op and crazy people… no. Not to mention, these crazy people are op’s family too and I wouldn’t want to be the friend who has to protect op from Grandma then be nice to grandma when I saw her at a school event, a holiday event, a whatever. It’s a terrible thing to do to a friend from an emotional perspective as well as a safety perspective. Friends don’t have magical superpowers which will protect them from a bad actor, i.e. they can’t do anything that the op can’t do.

Plus, I’m not about to protect an adult who has chosen to stay married to a husband who literally leaves her to deal with crazy. I don’t benefit from the marriage, it isn’t my job to protect the op because she does. Call me mean, but my emotional health and physical safety matter too.

Deffinately call the police if the in-laws show up. It’s troubling you’d even have to ask this question based on what you’ve described.

I’d go a couple steps further and get a restraining order. I’d also call your husband and tell him you need him to come home. Then I’d discuss the marriage. I’d leave him if he didn’t completely cut ties with the in-laws, assuming that what you’ve written is accurate. Only you know if it is, and only you know how the in-laws learned of your husband’s out of town trip. Point being, you know why you chose to remain married to someone who would put you in this situation, and you know why you didn’t say “Unless you come home, I won’t be here when you do”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, they don't have a key or any ownership at all in the house. They often go through my parents for whatever reason even as they refuse to acknowledge that I exist or speak to me.

Would you really make your husband come home early from a work trip? I don't think I can do that but I will keep my house locked.

Making your husband come home early is less dramatic than calling the police!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they don't have a key or any ownership at all in the house. They often go through my parents for whatever reason even as they refuse to acknowledge that I exist or speak to me.

Would you really make your husband come home early from a work trip? I don't think I can do that but I will keep my house locked.

Making your husband come home early is less dramatic than calling the police!

NP, and come on. This is stressful, but manageable. Why jeopardize DH's reputation/career for this when it only takes one person to call the police. If they are likely to smash windows to enter, bring a firearm, or something else that could hurt you before help can arrive then that's a different story. Keep yourself away from them - you have the advantage of knowing they are coming, so 1. change your locks, and 2. take your kids and go someplace else that day and don't tell anyone in your family where that is (since no one seems to be able to stand up to these people). Cheaper and less dramatic than a showdown or pulling a partner back home from a work trip on their own dime.

If you have a ring or other way of recording them remotely, do it and call the police if they break and enter.

[Anonymous]

When are they coming this thread has been online for 3 days now...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did the in-laws find out about the husband’s extended work trip? Who goes on extended work trips with covid, though even without covid, your husband is not being a good husband.

Do you have a trust fund or something? Have you never had to work to put food on the table? Not every job allows you to just say "Nah, I don't feel like going on that work trip."