Am I allowed to call police?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a highly unlikely situation, but nice try

That's because you have normal in laws. I thought my family was crazy until I meet my in laws. My family is fun crazy -- they drink too much on Thanksgiving or waste money on dumb prank gifts or insist we wear matching shirts on vacations.

My in laws take crazy to a whole new level. My mother in law will write hundreds of individual emails to different family members about how hard she has tried to reach me but nothing she does is good enough for me and can't you please just secretly forward any communications you get from her to me, and ask her for photos of the kids. My father in law will insist that he wants to watch our dog when we go on vacation but then will refuse to give him back to us unless my husband takes another week off work and visits them but they don't want to see me or the kids, which he did even though we probably should have gotten the police involved then. My mother in law will then claim to family that she's suddenly missing money from her bank account right after she gave me her bank info and omit the fact that her bank info is on every check and that all I did was cash the check that she gave me for our daughter's birthday. My father in law will have entire conversations for hours where he will pretend I'm not there and refuse to respond to anything I say. It is mental. If I try to stand up for myself, he'll curse and threaten me and then blame me for making him angry.

My husband has a minimal relationship with them which is fine but they know he'll never let them visit us at our house so they are completely trying to force themselves into our lives, knowing that we don't want them in it.

And yes, maybe it's our fault for keeping any relationship with them. It's times like this that I regret it.

[Anonymous]

I agree, I think we are not hearing key information like why they are so desperate to come. Perhaps they think you are unhinged and your family agrees? (You do sound a little unhinged, involving the police in this if you are in no physical danger). Just send a text, copy your family, stating why you don’t feel safe and so will not let them in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something seems off here. OP, can you provide actual examples of their abuse?

It's hard because it's just little things. When we were newly married and I didn't know how awful they were, they would stay with us and throw away our things that they didn't like. When I caught them, they would claim that it was for my own good because I looked fat in my wedding dress if it was a wedding photo or because the butter I bought was making me fatter. They insisted that we buy new furniture that they liked because ours was too old even though we didn't have money and said they would pay for half when the 6-month no payment came due and then claimed that they never said that. Back when we had an answering machine, they would leave daily messages telling my husband to call them back when I wasn't home, knowing I would hear the messages. When O answered the phone, they would tell me to divorce him and then when I told him, they lied and said I was making it up. It was just a lot of little things but all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, I think we are not hearing key information like why they are so desperate to come. Perhaps they think you are unhinged and your family agrees? (You do sound a little unhinged, involving the police in this if you are in no physical danger). Just send a text, copy your family, stating why you don’t feel safe and so will not let them in.

You think I should email them after my husband emailed them??? I will but it seems crazy to stir up more drama instead of just calling the cops if they show up after he already told them not to.

[Anonymous]

All of you sound nuts. Let them in and you all can be crazy together

[Anonymous]

You need to enforce boundaries. Grow a spine. No one can treat you like a doormat unless you LET THEM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, they don't have a key or any ownership at all in the house. They often go through my parents for whatever reason even as they refuse to acknowledge that I exist or speak to me.

Would you really make your husband come home early from a work trip? I don't think I can do that but I will keep my house locked.

I would lock all doors and windows and maybe even check into a hotel or see if I could go to a friend's house.

Whatever you do, don't answer the door or go near the windows. Keep the curtains closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something seems off here. OP, can you provide actual examples of their abuse?

It's hard because it's just little things. When we were newly married and I didn't know how awful they were, they would stay with us and throw away our things that they didn't like. When I caught them, they would claim that it was for my own good because I looked fat in my wedding dress if it was a wedding photo or because the butter I bought was making me fatter. They insisted that we buy new furniture that they liked because ours was too old even though we didn't have money and said they would pay for half when the 6-month no payment came due and then claimed that they never said that. Back when we had an answering machine, they would leave daily messages telling my husband to call them back when I wasn't home, knowing I would hear the messages. When O answered the phone, they would tell me to divorce him and then when I told him, they lied and said I was making it up. It was just a lot of little things but all the time.

OP, I would lock everything up, close all curtains, and go check into a hotel for a few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, I think we are not hearing key information like why they are so desperate to come. Perhaps they think you are unhinged and your family agrees? (You do sound a little unhinged, involving the police in this if you are in no physical danger). Just send a text, copy your family, stating why you don’t feel safe and so will not let them in.

You think I should email them after my husband emailed them??? I will but it seems crazy to stir up more drama instead of just calling the cops if they show up after he already told them not to.

I’m trying to empathize with thinking that *calling the police* would be less drama, but it’s hard.

Imagine the poor officer having to come to your home because you can’t communicate.

[Anonymous]

Please don't have children until you can grow a spine.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP.

You and your husband are so close to the situation that you cannot see they crossed the red line YEARS ago.

You and your husband MUST cut them off!
You MUST call the police every time they step onto your property. You MUST block them and refrain from responding to any text, call, email or letter.

Furthermore, you MUST come clean to the other relatives and explain that they have harassed you for years, and that you cannot take it anymore, and are officially cutting them off for good. That you beg all your relatives to stop forwarding information about you to them, otherwise you will be forced to cut them off as well.

Your parents must block all their communications too.

They're mentally ill. They won't change. Protect your family. You will have children some day - and your ILs WILL GO FOR YOUR KIDS if you don't cut them off and think about that restraining order now.

[Anonymous]

^ Regarding insane people and children, schools and after-school activities have systems in place to forbid the release of students to anyone who is not on the parent's safe list. You can show them a photo of your ILs and their names, to prevent kidnapping.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you've posted before.

Go to a friend's house for a few days. Leave extra strong locks on the doors. Notify the police about the situation and ask them to do drive bys.

[Anonymous]

^ Me again. It's better to establish a file with the police sooner than later, so that if something really bad happens, the police will know that there is a history and are more likely to take rapid action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Regarding insane people and children, schools and after-school activities have systems in place to forbid the release of students to anyone who is not on the parent's safe list. You can show them a photo of your ILs and their names, to prevent kidnapping.

New poster. This point occurred to me too. OP did mention just once that they have one child. Even in pandemic times, eventually, the child is going to be in school or in daycare or in some activity. OP, you and your husband MUST ensure that his parents do not know your child's movements or whereabouts and that people who run activities etc. know never to let the in-laws in or believe them if they claim they are allowed to drive your child home etc. I know a family where an aggressively "affectionate" relative kept turning up to volunteer at a child's school and at extracurricular activities too, until the parents did something -- not sure if they actually got a restraining order or just had some kind of serious intervention threatening a restraining order.

OP, don't contact the in-laws yourself. Your DH has already contacted them, right? I would tell your own parents that they need to support YOU by no longer accepting e-mails, texts and calls from them; have you been crystal clear with your own parents about the in-laws behavior? Your parents need to have your back here, and should NOT be pitying the in-laws or believing anything the in-laws tell them about you, your husband/their son, or your child's welfare etc.

Regarding the immediate issue, is there somewhere you can go with your child? I would either leave entirely or lock up tight. They might ambush you if you are out and then exit the car to enter your home. "Oh, you're going inside, we'll just come in with you!" It will be hard to fend them off if that happens. I'd really tell DH that until he is back home you and your child are going to a hotel (and I would insist he not tell anyone, even your own parents, what hotel that is).

You and he seriously should consider getting some outside advice, legal and maybe counseling, on how to cut them out of your lives and how to deal with your own family that seems to mean well but is actually helping the in-laws by acting as go-betweens.

Please update us.