Past lover came to party - my husband is pissed

[Anonymous]

OP is not coming back.

It would be great if she could bring her ex-boyfriend onto this thread so we could get his perspective on things. It would be completely inappropriate to bring him on this thread so maybe OP's girlfriend can accidentally direct ex-boyfriend to this thread. Do your job OP's girlfriend!

[Anonymous]

I know other people aren't like this but my spouse and I both invited former boyfriends/girlfriends to our wedding. I like two of my spouse's former romantic partners more than my spouse does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know other people aren't like this but my spouse and I both invited former boyfriends/girlfriends to our wedding. I like two of my spouse's former romantic partners more than my spouse does.

Plenty of people are like this. That's not what happened here. OP invited an ex to the house, didn't tell DH that it was her ex (before, during, or after) and he looked like an idiot when her GF was like "that's so cool that you're fine with guys she's had sex with hanging out at your house during a pandemic!"

You're not uniquely enlightened, you're just not a liar like OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is immature.

Nope

disagree. OP should have been honest. Her husband being upset at the lie is reasonable. Being pissed is an overreaction. OP also indicates that DH would have been upset at ex just being at the house. Disproportionate anger and expecting spouse to not have friendships with former exes is immaturity.

Being pissed is not an overreaction. She invited an ex to their home and flat out lied to DH about who he was. He was obviously "pissed" about that as he should have been. That is very likely what lead to his comments about her bringing an ex to their home. His anger was neither disproportionate nor immature. If the gender roles were reversed we would not be having this conversation.

[Anonymous]

Whose inviting random people your spouse has never met to socialize during covid?!

If I'm having people over it's OUR friends who we both really want to see. Not some random I've never met before!

Of course we've been married for 10 years and together for 15 so maybe that circle is pretty small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is immature.

Nope

disagree. OP should have been honest. Her husband being upset at the lie is reasonable. Being pissed is an overreaction. OP also indicates that DH would have been upset at ex just being at the house. Disproportionate anger and expecting spouse to not have friendships with former exes is immaturity.

Being pissed is not an overreaction. She invited an ex to their home and flat out lied to DH about who he was. He was obviously "pissed" about that as he should have been. That is very likely what lead to his comments about her bringing an ex to their home. His anger was neither disproportionate nor immature. If the gender roles were reversed we would not be having this conversation.

Why do you have to take it there?

It wouldn't surprise me if you were a person who would write: I bet the ex-boyfriend was black and the OP's husband is white. If the ex-boyfriend was white, we wouldn't be having this conversation. See how that works? Don't take it there and create additional drama when the original drama is drama enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is immature.

Nope

disagree. OP should have been honest. Her husband being upset at the lie is reasonable. Being pissed is an overreaction. OP also indicates that DH would have been upset at ex just being at the house. Disproportionate anger and expecting spouse to not have friendships with former exes is immaturity.

Being pissed is not an overreaction. She invited an ex to their home and flat out lied to DH about who he was. He was obviously "pissed" about that as he should have been. That is very likely what lead to his comments about her bringing an ex to their home. His anger was neither disproportionate nor immature. If the gender roles were reversed we would not be having this conversation.

Why do you have to take it there?

It wouldn't surprise me if you were a person who would write: I bet the ex-boyfriend was black and the OP's husband is white. If the ex-boyfriend was white, we wouldn't be having this conversation. See how that works? Don't take it there and create additional drama when the original drama is drama enough.

I call it like I see it based on what I've seen on the forum. I haven't seen anything on DCUM about the racist BS you referenced, so no I wouldn't have written that.

See how that works?

[Anonymous]

All I can think of is the Will Ferrell/Rachel Dratch skit in the hot tub on SNL. OP, did your party involve a hot tub session with your "lover"? And please tell me you say the word the way Will Ferrell says it.

[Anonymous]

This pandemic sure brings out the trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know other people aren't like this but my spouse and I both invited former boyfriends/girlfriends to our wedding. I like two of my spouse's former romantic partners more than my spouse does.

Plenty of people are like this. That's not what happened here. OP invited an ex to the house, didn't tell DH that it was her ex (before, during, or after) and he looked like an idiot when her GF was like "that's so cool that you're fine with guys she's had sex with hanging out at your house during a pandemic!"

You're not uniquely enlightened, you're just not a liar like OP.

This! It's not like OP's husband got upset about some guy in their friend group who happened to have a romantic past with OP. OP dredged up some guy she used to be intimate with because she wanted to "reconnect with him" and lied to her husband about who he was when he resurfaced. OP, what you did is the opposite of "letting sleeping dogs lie." Letting sleeping dogs lie would have been to not initiate contact with this guy from your past out of the blue. OP, you stirred the pot and created drama.

My husband and I each have one previous partner who we're still friends with, but OP was wrong, wrong, wrong in this situation. The difference is that for us, we dated someone, ended it, stayed friends with the person, then met each other, and were honest with each other about our past relationships.

Oh, and OP, your "friend" who spilled the tea to your husband isn't your friend. Watch out for her, especially now that you undermined your relationship with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is immature.

Nope

disagree. OP should have been honest. Her husband being upset at the lie is reasonable. Being pissed is an overreaction. OP also indicates that DH would have been upset at ex just being at the house. Disproportionate anger and expecting spouse to not have friendships with former exes is immaturity.

Being pissed is not an overreaction. She invited an ex to their home and flat out lied to DH about who he was. He was obviously "pissed" about that as he should have been. That is very likely what lead to his comments about her bringing an ex to their home. His anger was neither disproportionate nor immature. If the gender roles were reversed we would not be having this conversation.

Why do you have to take it there?

It wouldn't surprise me if you were a person who would write: I bet the ex-boyfriend was black and the OP's husband is white. If the ex-boyfriend was white, we wouldn't be having this conversation. See how that works? Don't take it there and create additional drama when the original drama is drama enough.

I call it like I see it based on what I've seen on the forum. I haven't seen anything on DCUM about the racist BS you referenced, so no I wouldn't have written that.

See how that works?

No, I don't see how your example works because it is not analogous to the previous examples. If you haven't seen any of the racist (and sexist) fear mongering on DCUM, you must be new here. Point is, keep your flip your gender script drama to yourself. Stick with the story at hand.

[Anonymous]

OP, how did your "friend" bring it up in conversation with DH?

I am really curious on how she went there -- was it a natural extension of a topic? Did she realize by his reaction that he didn't know?

Do you think she may have done so purposefully (as is the popular crowdsourced answer)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how did your "friend" bring it up in conversation with DH?

I am really curious on how she went there -- was it a natural extension of a topic? Did she realize by his reaction that he didn't know?

Do you think she may have done so purposefully (as is the popular crowdsourced answer)?

She was gently touching his arm and telling him how important trust wasn’t in a marriage when she just blurted it out.

[Anonymous]

I once attended a party with someone my boyfriend had slept with. I must admit, it was pretty uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whose inviting random people your spouse has never met to socialize during covid?!

If I'm having people over it's OUR friends who we both really want to see. Not some random I've never met before!

Of course we've been married for 10 years and together for 15 so maybe that circle is pretty small.

I know, who has new people over during a pandemic???

I have to really know and trust people before I will even take a masked walk with them outside.