Completely polarized politically - can we last?

[Anonymous]

It depends.

If he's spending hours on QAnon stuff, is continually complaining about "libruls", is continually rude, or is continually picking fights with you, that's a problem.

Otherwise, it shouldn't be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people internalize this stuff so much? I am a leftist with conservative friends. Just don’t go there. There are a million other things to discuss.

+100

Stop whining. Talk about other things. Do other things. Keep yourselves busy and living your lives. Or if you can't stop dwelling on this, get a lot of therapy.

But mostly, stop whining.

Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have been together for 22 years, married most of it.

I'm one of the posters from a previous thread that said if we met today I wouldn't go on a second date. He and his whole family (all very educated) are all in for Trump. In 2016 I chalked it up to not liking Hillary Clinton, which wasn't exactly unique. But we are in a whole other territory now - Flynn was railroaded, indictments for Comey, etc. are coming, refusing to denounce the killing of Heather Heyer, Antifa (don't get me started), and now, defending Kyle Rittenhouse and lauding him for his trigger control.

I wish I was joking or exaggerating. I am not. I don't even know the person I am married to anymore.

I just feel so, so lost.

Do you have kids, OP? How old are they? Would your husband's world view or that of his family impact them in any way? If so, I think you should consider divorce. These are not the people you want to have direct influence over your kids. File for sole custody. I am not even joking.

If you don't have kids and you still love him, then maybe talk through it and consider couples therapy to help you both find a way to move beyond this.

I know my advice may sound counterproductive, but really consider leaving if you have young children.

Wow Trump Derangement Syndrome is a real thing. OP do not divorce over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP who said agree with me or else mentality. Why are liberals like this? All of my neighbors are voting for Biden and you know what? We are friends with all of them. We dont talk politics and I respect their right to a different opinion. But if you vote for Trump you are literally labeled as a racist bigot. And I remember the same vitriol being tossed around when Bush was running so dont say this is unique to Trump--liberals will paint you as a racist no matter who the candidate is if you support them. Some people internalize and care way too much about this stuff.

+1

[Anonymous]

OMG OP I feel for you. The biggest concern I would have is that your kids are exposed to this on TV and radio constantly. This is going to do some damage to their worldview and not sure how you can effectively counter this. Can you put some boundaries on any discussion with your kids and how to control what they are exposed to?

I also wonder if your husband is depressed and maybe a reason for his beliefs?

[Anonymous]

A friend is divorcing her husband for similar reasons. They don't have kids and there are other reasons too, but I get it. Do you think it will get better when we have a new president? I hope so but I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I would really struggle living with that too.

+1

Marrying a Trumper is like being married to the BKT killer.

You equate a trump supporter to a serial killer?

See, it’s the liberal way or the highway! Typical.

[Anonymous]

Maybe get involved in local organizing on an issue you feel strongly about (racial justice, immigration, etc). I sense a helplessness/hopelessness in what you wrote, OP. It might help if you felt like you were taking action and were around a group of like-minded people. Also, we need everybody right now!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in the same boat.
Kids are 10 and 13. It’s is so hard.
PPs stated “talk about something else.” Like what? Our kids for the millionth time? It is so hard to find a topic the talk about without it being incredibly superficial (weather, entertainment, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people internalize this stuff so much? I am a leftist with conservative friends. Just don’t go there. There are a million other things to discuss.

+100

Stop whining. Talk about other things. Do other things. Keep yourselves busy and living your lives. Or if you can't stop dwelling on this, get a lot of therapy.

But mostly, stop whining.

I'm yet another one with a DH who has gone off the deep end with politics. I truly try to avoid discussing it with him. I have plenty of others to talk politics with. I don't have it on the TV at home, I can listen to my news stations in my car. I vehemently disagree with my DH on these issues (he was much more centrist when we married) but grudgingly respect these are his views and I'm not going to try to change his mind.

BUT he bring is up with me. He looks for fights on politics, we had one yesterday as I was just sitting at my desk working. He was on his phone and saw a headline and just had to start in on it.

So it's not as easy as "talk about other things".

OP, I'm totally there with you. It's awful. A close girlfriend of me texted me last night that her husband has started going down conspiracy theory rabbit holes and they are growing more and more divided on everything going on. I take some solace knowing I'm not alone, but it still sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people internalize this stuff so much? I am a leftist with conservative friends. Just don’t go there. There are a million other things to discuss.

+100

Stop whining. Talk about other things. Do other things. Keep yourselves busy and living your lives. Or if you can't stop dwelling on this, get a lot of therapy.

But mostly, stop whining.

I'm yet another one with a DH who has gone off the deep end with politics. I truly try to avoid discussing it with him. I have plenty of others to talk politics with. I don't have it on the TV at home, I can listen to my news stations in my car. I vehemently disagree with my DH on these issues (he was much more centrist when we married) but grudgingly respect these are his views and I'm not going to try to change his mind.

BUT he bring is up with me. He looks for fights on politics, we had one yesterday as I was just sitting at my desk working. He was on his phone and saw a headline and just had to start in on it.

So it's not as easy as "talk about other things".

OP, I'm totally there with you. It's awful. A close girlfriend of me texted me last night that her husband has started going down conspiracy theory rabbit holes and they are growing more and more divided on everything going on. I take some solace knowing I'm not alone, but it still sucks.

Me again. I try not to take the bait when he brings up politics, I usually just let him have his say and stay quiet. But he will get personal, with "how do YOU support this? How can YOU just let Portland burn to the ground." Something I never do with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP who said agree with me or else mentality. Why are liberals like this? All of my neighbors are voting for Biden and you know what? We are friends with all of them. We dont talk politics and I respect their right to a different opinion. But if you vote for Trump you are literally labeled as a racist bigot. And I remember the same vitriol being tossed around when Bush was running so dont say this is unique to Trump--liberals will paint you as a racist no matter who the candidate is if you support them. Some people internalize and care way too much about this stuff.

+1

I think he just discriminates, not just on race. But on not being him and not treating as though he is someone to be worshipped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PP who said agree with me or else mentality. Why are liberals like this? All of my neighbors are voting for Biden and you know what? We are friends with all of them. We dont talk politics and I respect their right to a different opinion. But if you vote for Trump you are literally labeled as a racist bigot. And I remember the same vitriol being tossed around when Bush was running so dont say this is unique to Trump--liberals will paint you as a racist no matter who the candidate is if you support them. Some people internalize and care way too much about this stuff.

+1

My objections to Donald Trump aren't as much in the realm of policy (although I disagree with virtually all of his policies) as they are with his personal qualities that make him fundamentally unfit to hold the office of the president. He is is pathologically divisive, he constantly lies and makes things up, he does not take the time to understand policy, he thinks he is only president of half of the country, he cozies up to authoritarians, he mocks the weak and disabled, he demeans women and minorities, he has no problem with using position as president for personal gain, he lacks any and all empathy for the human condition, and at times his mind seems to be going.

These are not policy disagreements about tax policy or how much we should be allocating to the military versus the department of education. In my opinion, it is something much more existential. He is a toxic cancer on our democracy. I implore Republicans to either vote Biden or sit this one out. The next go round, by all means vote for Tom Cotton or Nikki Haley or whomever comes next. I have not doubt that while I would vehemently contest their election, I believe they would have significantly more respect for democracy and the office of the president.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who disagree on politics can live in harmony. People who disagree on reality cannot. Sounds like your DH is in the latter camp.

+1 Well said. The left and right cannot agree on a common set of facts on which they base their opinions. They’re not coming to different conclusions based on the same basic information; they’re on different planets.

uh that’s not what PP said. you can be republican or democrat and agree on reality. that’s why my republican BFF and I get along.

Some stuff (on both sides) is not based in reality. Like COVID numbers - seen people on the left inflate them, people on right deny them.

[Anonymous]

It would be grounds for divorce for me. I could never sleep with someone who had such a repugnant world view that he would support policies over the last few years. Very telling it’s always the men who still support trump.