Completely polarized politically - can we last?
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Anonymous
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My husband and I have been together for 22 years, married most of it.
I'm one of the posters from a previous thread that said if we met today I wouldn't go on a second date. He and his whole family (all very educated) are all in for Trump. In 2016 I chalked it up to not liking Hillary Clinton, which wasn't exactly unique. But we are in a whole other territory now - Flynn was railroaded, indictments for Comey, etc. are coming, refusing to denounce the killing of Heather Heyer, Antifa (don't get me started), and now, defending Kyle Rittenhouse and lauding him for his trigger control. I wish I was joking or exaggerating. I am not. I don't even know the person I am married to anymore. I just feel so, so lost. |
Anonymous
| Why do people internalize this stuff so much? I am a leftist with conservative friends. Just don’t go there. There are a million other things to discuss. |
Anonymous
Perhaps she doesn't want to be attached for life to a racist bigot? Just throwing that out there. |
Anonymous
+100 Stop whining. Talk about other things. Do other things. Keep yourselves busy and living your lives. Or if you can't stop dwelling on this, get a lot of therapy. But mostly, stop whining. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry OP. I would really struggle living with that too. |
Anonymous
| I mean, I don't think I could do it with someone who was full Qanon. Mine just repeats George Carlin's "trash in, trash out!" generally thinking all politicians are shitty, and he doesn't vote. Agrees Trump is horrible, but feels like in deep blue DC voting is worthless. It's a huge point of contention with us, I can't imagine if he actually thought Hillary Clinton was trafficking children out of Comet Pizza. The little, "what an idiot!" comments about Trump at least make me feel like we are basically on the same side. This sounds like a house diveded and I would seriously question his values. What was it like pre-Trump? Did you have fundamental differences in morals and values? My sympathis, this sounds very hard. |
Anonymous
Do you have kids, OP? How old are they? Would your husband's world view or that of his family impact them in any way? If so, I think you should consider divorce. These are not the people you want to have direct influence over your kids. File for sole custody. I am not even joking. If you don't have kids and you still love him, then maybe talk through it and consider couples therapy to help you both find a way to move beyond this. I know my advice may sound counterproductive, but really consider leaving if you have young children. |
Anonymous
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Put it aside for a second, and consider how he treats you and others: is he kind? Generous? A hard worker? Trustworthy? Funny? Fun to be with? Sexually compatible?
There will be posters who say a Trump supporter can’t have any of these qualities, but they can and they do. They’re not ALL crazy weirdos. |
Anonymous
Grounds for divorce—I’m serious. |
Anonymous
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I feel you, OP. I am in the exact same situation. I honestly would de-friend my husband on FB and never speak to him again, much less have a second date with him, if we were not married with an elementary age child.
I actually saw two divorce lawyers the week before we went into lockdown for COVID. Put separation thoughts on hold b/c...pandemic... but I don’t know how we are going to last through November. 2016 was bad enough. I have no respect for him whatsoever in terms of his world view and values. None. I hate that we are raining a child together. And frankly, because he’s. Really rageful angry white guy who has gotten further radicalized by other angry white guys online, he scares me. And he’s armed. It’s all horrible. |
Anonymous
OP’s husband sounds like he falls into the crazy weirdo category. |
Anonymous
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Typical liberals. “Agree with me or ELSE!”
Get over yourself OP. |
Anonymous
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I would have a very hard time with that difference as well.
In our marriage of 16 years we are differering wildly on COVID and it’s also causing problems. But in your case, do you wonder if it’s a symptom of something else? Why are you not agreeing on something so fundamental? Is he lashing out/acting out something else? Hmmmmm Can you see what happens after the next election? |
Anonymous
| I have a friend in a similar position. I think pre-Trump she and her DH were more alike politically. She idenrified as a l8bertarian and voted Republican. He also voted GOP. Her political views changed a bit over time, and she can't stand Trump. Her DH has bern a big fan and still is as far as I know. She went to therapy to help her cope with it. May be still going, actually. She's still very anti-Trump but seems less angry at her DH. |
Anonymous
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I wish I could talk to you real time OP. This is my world. It's polarizing. His view actually scare me. He continues to feed it by watching (addictively) to Fox News.
I've asked that news be watched separately. I don't want to discuss politics and especially not in front of our teen. No this is not who he was when I met him. I would say he was moderate. And no I would not have dated or married him. We are dealing with family crisis', potential job loss, pandemic, etc. So I am focusing on not reacting, setting boundaries on what we collectively watch and discuss, and trying to see the good in him (yes there are good things). I'm scared for the future. |