SIL emailed me asking me to apologize for bringing my own picnic food to her home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Reply to her email so that you have the email chain. CC everyone including your brother and spouse. Say that you are packing your own food because you do not want your relatives to fall sick. Tell them you are socializing with all precautions with some friends but still want to be extra cautious. Then let brother and SIL hash it between themselves.

This is the best approach. Your SIL is nuts to make a fuss over this. I'd start cutting her off. Life is too short for the drama.

Oh absolutely, creating an email chain where you CC the entire rest of the family is the best way to deescalate drama.

[Anonymous]

Call her. Obviously there is a tendency for miscommunication here. Talk it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! She hadn't made any food. It was literally sandwiches/picnic stuff, meet in the yard - not a dinner party! If I'd known she were cooking, of course, we would have clarified (or sucked it up). It was like, let's meet and hang with the kids in the yard.

Sorry, I missed this post from OP. So then did your SIL go and buy sandwiches and prepare a picnic for your family? Or do you mean that she literally prepared no food for your family and then got upset with you for bringing food?

OP here. The latter! No food was prepared!!

So, you brought food to an event that wasn't a food for everyone event?

I am more and more confused.

This isn't complicated. OP brought sandwiches to her sister's house to eat while hanging out. Sister hadn't prepared anything ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! She hadn't made any food. It was literally sandwiches/picnic stuff, meet in the yard - not a dinner party! If I'd known she were cooking, of course, we would have clarified (or sucked it up). It was like, let's meet and hang with the kids in the yard.

It does NOT matter if the food wasn't homemade. That's unbelievable that you think that only homemade food deserves appreciation. No wonder she's mad at your attitude OP. Frankly the more you post the more socially obtuse you sound.

I think this PP is a bigger drama queen than OP's sister. JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! She hadn't made any food. It was literally sandwiches/picnic stuff, meet in the yard - not a dinner party! If I'd known she were cooking, of course, we would have clarified (or sucked it up). It was like, let's meet and hang with the kids in the yard.

Sorry, I missed this post from OP. So then did your SIL go and buy sandwiches and prepare a picnic for your family? Or do you mean that she literally prepared no food for your family and then got upset with you for bringing food?

OP here. The latter! No food was prepared!!

So, you brought food to an event that wasn't a food for everyone event?

I am more and more confused.

This isn't complicated. OP brought sandwiches to her sister's house to eat while hanging out. Sister hadn't prepared anything ahead of time.

I feel like I get more confused. each time I read this thread.

SIL called OP and invited her over. Nothing was said about food, and the invitation didn't mention food (e.g. it wasn't "come over we'll have a picnic" it was just "do you want to come play in the backyard for an hour?"). OP packed a full meal.

At some point, OP brought out the food but when. I assumed it was when SIL was also bringing out food, but now I'm confused. Did OP just pull out sandwiches when SIL wasn't eating or offering food? Because that would have been rude prepandemic, and the pandemic doesn't make it less rude. Did SIL pull out food for her family, and not offer OP any, and then OP pulled out food? I am unclear how it went down.

[Anonymous]

Etiquette requires that everyone is clear who is providing food for whom. You should have explained that you were bringing your own, OP, otherwise you are putting your host in the position of working on your meal for nothing, which is extremely rude.

Of course your SIL attacked you for something completely different, and that is on her. But you can apologize for not warning her you were bringing your own food.

Now to the most important point: it's risky to enter someone's home, since this virus is aerosolized and droplet-transmitted. It does not make sense that you would be so careful about sharing food if you are taking the serious risk of being indoors with them in the first place!!!

So none of you are being very intelligent here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette requires that everyone is clear who is providing food for whom. You should have explained that you were bringing your own, OP, otherwise you are putting your host in the position of working on your meal for nothing, which is extremely rude.

Of course your SIL attacked you for something completely different, and that is on her. But you can apologize for not warning her you were bringing your own food.

Now to the most important point: it's risky to enter someone's home, since this virus is aerosolized and droplet-transmitted. It does not make sense that you would be so careful about sharing food if you are taking the serious risk of being indoors with them in the first place!!!

So none of you are being very intelligent here.

You do know that a picnic happens outside right? And that OP said the host never prepared a meal? Oh dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette requires that everyone is clear who is providing food for whom. You should have explained that you were bringing your own, OP, otherwise you are putting your host in the position of working on your meal for nothing, which is extremely rude.

Of course your SIL attacked you for something completely different, and that is on her. But you can apologize for not warning her you were bringing your own food.

Now to the most important point: it's risky to enter someone's home, since this virus is aerosolized and droplet-transmitted. It does not make sense that you would be so careful about sharing food if you are taking the serious risk of being indoors with them in the first place!!!

So none of you are being very intelligent here.

You do know that a picnic happens outside right? And that OP said the host never prepared a meal? Oh dear.

No, actually the OP didn't say that. The OP sniffed because the SIL purchased the already prepared food. And now OP is trying to validate her rudity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette requires that everyone is clear who is providing food for whom. You should have explained that you were bringing your own, OP, otherwise you are putting your host in the position of working on your meal for nothing, which is extremely rude.

Of course your SIL attacked you for something completely different, and that is on her. But you can apologize for not warning her you were bringing your own food.

Now to the most important point: it's risky to enter someone's home, since this virus is aerosolized and droplet-transmitted. It does not make sense that you would be so careful about sharing food if you are taking the serious risk of being indoors with them in the first place!!!

So none of you are being very intelligent here.

You do know that a picnic happens outside right? And that OP said the host never prepared a meal? Oh dear.

No, actually the OP didn't say that. The OP sniffed because the SIL purchased the already prepared food. And now OP is trying to validate her rudity.

You're wrong, angry PP. The post says:

"We visited SIL, my brother and their kids yesterday (they live a few towns over) and brought our own picnic supplies so we could distance visit. I didn't think twice about packing food, it's what we've done whenever we hang out with anyone. We haven't really seen them much since the pandemic began.

SIL was enraged that we brought our own picnic supplies (sandwich fixings/glasses/drinks/etc) and accused me of insinuating that she's not taking the pandemic seriously."

Stop projecting. Where does the OP say anyone bought food? Please cite! TIA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call her. Obviously there is a tendency for miscommunication here. Talk it out.

+1 It's easier to de-escalate and work things out in a real-time conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We visited SIL, my brother and their kids yesterday (they live a few tons over) and brought our own picnic supplies so we could distance visit. I didn't think twice about packing food, it's what we've done whenever we hang out with anyone. We haven't really seen them much since the pandemic began.

SIL was enraged that we brought our own picnic supplies (sandwich fixings/glasses/drinks/etc) and accused me of insinuating that she's not taking the pandemic seriously.
She just sent me a long email insisting I apologize to her for preemptively bringing our own food and "for all that implies." She then brought up how seriously she has been distancing and how she thinks "We" meaning my husband and I have NOT. Basically: How dare I think she could have COVID when if anyone would, it's me.
I don't think I did anything wrong. I'd be happy to say I'm sorry just to smooth things over, but I also think she's being unreasonable.
She is married to my brother who is oblivious to the whole thing.
This isn't the first time this has happened.

Wait. You didn’t both eat? So she’s upset that you ate in front of her? Opened your mouth and put food in? ie no masks? That is crazy. Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette requires that everyone is clear who is providing food for whom. You should have explained that you were bringing your own, OP, otherwise you are putting your host in the position of working on your meal for nothing, which is extremely rude.

Of course your SIL attacked you for something completely different, and that is on her. But you can apologize for not warning her you were bringing your own food.

Now to the most important point: it's risky to enter someone's home, since this virus is aerosolized and droplet-transmitted. It does not make sense that you would be so careful about sharing food if you are taking the serious risk of being indoors with them in the first place!!!

So none of you are being very intelligent here.

You do know that a picnic happens outside right? And that OP said the host never prepared a meal? Oh dear.

No, actually the OP didn't say that. The OP sniffed because the SIL purchased the already prepared food. And now OP is trying to validate her rudity.

You're wrong, angry PP. The post says:

"We visited SIL, my brother and their kids yesterday (they live a few towns over) and brought our own picnic supplies so we could distance visit. I didn't think twice about packing food, it's what we've done whenever we hang out with anyone. We haven't really seen them much since the pandemic began.

SIL was enraged that we brought our own picnic supplies (sandwich fixings/glasses/drinks/etc) and accused me of insinuating that she's not taking the pandemic seriously."

Stop projecting. Where does the OP say anyone bought food? Please cite! TIA.

Here is your "citation." Page 2, 18:47

OP here! She hadn't made any food. It was literally sandwiches/picnic stuff, meet in the yard - not a dinner party! If I'd known she were cooking, of course, we would have clarified (or sucked it up). It was like, let's meet and hang with the kids in the yard.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are wrong but since you are willing to apologize to keep the peace do that and forget about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette requires that everyone is clear who is providing food for whom. You should have explained that you were bringing your own, OP, otherwise you are putting your host in the position of working on your meal for nothing, which is extremely rude.

Of course your SIL attacked you for something completely different, and that is on her. But you can apologize for not warning her you were bringing your own food.

Now to the most important point: it's risky to enter someone's home, since this virus is aerosolized and droplet-transmitted. It does not make sense that you would be so careful about sharing food if you are taking the serious risk of being indoors with them in the first place!!!

So none of you are being very intelligent here.

You do know that a picnic happens outside right? And that OP said the host never prepared a meal? Oh dear.

No, actually the OP didn't say that. The OP sniffed because the SIL purchased the already prepared food. And now OP is trying to validate her rudity.

You're wrong, angry PP. The post says:

"We visited SIL, my brother and their kids yesterday (they live a few towns over) and brought our own picnic supplies so we could distance visit. I didn't think twice about packing food, it's what we've done whenever we hang out with anyone. We haven't really seen them much since the pandemic began.

SIL was enraged that we brought our own picnic supplies (sandwich fixings/glasses/drinks/etc) and accused me of insinuating that she's not taking the pandemic seriously."

Stop projecting. Where does the OP say anyone bought food? Please cite! TIA.

Here is your "citation." Page 2, 18:47

OP here! She hadn't made any food. It was literally sandwiches/picnic stuff, meet in the yard - not a dinner party! If I'd known she were cooking, of course, we would have clarified (or sucked it up). It was like, let's meet and hang with the kids in the yard.

You misread the post. Nobody cooked. If she had cooked, OP would have eaten it. You seem to have an agenda.

[Anonymous]

DP. "If I had known she was cooking" seems pretty dang clear to me! Maybe you're the pot calling the kettle black??? Why are you so insistent on stirring the pot???