SIL emailed me asking me to apologize for bringing my own picnic food to her home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here! She hadn't made any food. It was literally sandwiches/picnic stuff, meet in the yard - not a dinner party! If I'd known she were cooking, of course, we would have clarified (or sucked it up). It was like, let's meet and hang with the kids in the yard.

Are you sure she wasn’t annoyed that you ate? You can’t leave your mask on when you eat. Social gathering should not include food because you can’t eat with a mask on. Maybe that’s the issue.

[Anonymous]

Where is she from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your SIL seems to be someone who likes to stir the pot. Don't take the bait. I'd say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way. We always bring our own food these days," and keep my distance.

Don't say that unless you want to be passive aggressive. This is another way of saying, "YOU are the problem". Which she is but, is that the message you want to convey?

If you are going to apologize, say "I'm sorry we made you feel that way!".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be as smooth-surfaced and non-committal as possible. Something like,

"I'm sorry it came across that way -- it was not my intent. That's just what we do when we go anywhere now, and it's just as much a part of keeping you safe as us. Thank you for hosting us."

And then I'd decline any get-togethers while the pandemic is ongoing, but with vague or non-committal reasons like, "we can't make it, but hope everyone has fun." And I'd wait for emotions to settle down once it is over.

My goal -- and this may not be yours, but it is definitely mine -- is to whatever I can (within the bounds of my own morality) to decrease stress and stressful interactions, keep myself and others safe, and get this over as fast as possible. Conversations with amped-up people for any reason harshes whatever shred of mellow I have left.

Good luck!

This

Send this word-for-word. It’s perfect.

[Anonymous]

OP, people can "ask" anything. You say she asked for an apology. Ignore. No response needed.

[Anonymous]

OK. I probably would have seemed like a nut and spelled things out. If she called it a picnic I would make it clear we are neurotic and bringing out own food. If she just said hang out for 30 minutes I would not assume food or say anything and I would make myself out to be just paranoid and I'd apologize.

[Anonymous]

Well if the visit overlapped a mealtime I can't see how you wouldn't have clarified beforehand. "What should we do about lunch?" If they would have usually provided lunch of course you should have assumed they would again and said "I don't what you to have to deal with it - we've been bringing picnic lunches when we go out so we'll do that"

Since you all missed the boat on talking beforehand, just send a simple apology that you meant no judgement at all, were in the habit of bringing picnics when you go out, and didn't think to mention it but you apologize they may have gotten extra food in anticipating guests.

[Anonymous]

I think SIL's behavior is a sign of what's to come with her over the years. If I were in your shoes, I'd severely limit any interaction with her from here on out. Anyone that demands an apology for something so ridiculous is borderline crazy. I'd forward her email to anyone she wouldn't want to see it. And I'd start inviting my brother to things without including her. But I'm feeling bitchy today.

[Anonymous]

respond "Your over-reaction as demonstrated by this unhinged letter is a sign of just how stressed everyone has become. Take a hint from Taylor Swift...you need to calm down."

No apology upon demand.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry I didn;t let you know aheah of time and you went ahead and prepared food. IT was not my intention to come across that you weren't taking COVID seriously. We're just in the habit of doing it no, when we go anywhere. Thanks again for hosting."


I can understand why SIL is upset, even though I would have not sent an email. I also think there's no need to escalate the situation beyond this as others have suggested, minimize drama when you can.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should have warned her you'd bring your own food.

No you shouldn't apologize, especially if she's asking for it lol
She's being ridiculous !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry I didn;t let you know aheah of time and you went ahead and prepared food. IT was not my intention to come across that you weren't taking COVID seriously. We're just in the habit of doing it no, when we go anywhere. Thanks again for hosting."


I can understand why SIL is upset, even though I would have not sent an email. I also think there's no need to escalate the situation beyond this as others have suggested, minimize drama when you can.

+1 I would not have been offended, but I do appreciate knowing the plan ahead of time so I can prep my anxious kid. If I invited you over and you said yes without discussing food, I would have bought and prepared enough for everyone.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this has been said, so I'm just adding to the chorus.

That's your own choice to bring your own food, but it was totally weird and inconsiderate for you to not mention that you are bringing your own food to your SIL's get together that she was hosting. She took the time and effort to plan and prepare food for your family.

It was also weird for your SIL to then follow up with an email demanding an apology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We visited SIL, my brother and their kids yesterday (they live a few tons over) and brought our own picnic supplies so we could distance visit. I didn't think twice about packing food, it's what we've done whenever we hang out with anyone. We haven't really seen them much since the pandemic began.

SIL was enraged that we brought our own picnic supplies (sandwich fixings/glasses/drinks/etc) and accused me of insinuating that she's not taking the pandemic seriously.
She just sent me a long email insisting I apologize to her for preemptively bringing our own food and "for all that implies." She then brought up how seriously she has been distancing and how she thinks "We" meaning my husband and I have NOT. Basically: How dare I think she could have COVID when if anyone would, it's me.
I don't think I did anything wrong. I'd be happy to say I'm sorry just to smooth things over, but I also think she's being unreasonable.
She is married to my brother who is oblivious to the whole thing.
This isn't the first time this has happened.

What is with people and demanding apologies?!

Frankly, I don't give in to bullies. I wouldn't apologize more than an "I'm sorry that's how you interpreted it. I'm just taking precautions as I would for anyone and I will not apologize for that. And I would not be the slightest bit offended if you really DID think I had Covid and did the same."

I had a similar issue with my SIL. Went to the beach in July and I asked about whether theyve had any exposure, have been taking precautions, etc. She got all bent out of shape about it, saying "I could ask the same of you." I basically told her that I would be happy to answer any questions she had as it didn't bother me at all. That shut her up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you should have warned her you'd bring your own food.

No you shouldn't apologize, especially if she's asking for it lol
She's being ridiculous !

This. 1000%.