Husband's gender identity and sexuality revelation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could it be, even remotely possible that he is seeing another woman & bought this underwear for her??

And instead of getting caught >>> he concocted this story as an excuse??

Because I would think you would of had a gut feeling beforehand....

And you would be completely wrong.

My husband showed zero signs/red flags when he was in an affair. Still having sex with mw several times per week, still doing living things (planning surprises, etc) and always where he said he would be (no overnights away, late nights or weekends away, no guy trips). They do it during work sometimes and nobody is the wiser.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn’t transition, still desires sex with you, you are still in love, well, the underwear thing seems harmless enough. I guess.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m so sorry. I thought my husband’s midlife affair with an middle aged woman was the worst thing.

I can’t imagine the pain of a gender confused, transsexual spouse.

I had a co-worker whose husband cane out as gay many years into their marriage. It was shocking for all.

Ignore the weirdos saying you aren’t liberal since you can’t accept this. You didn’t sign on for this. You didn’t go into marriage knowing your spouse was bi, gay or liked to wear women’s clothes.

I can only suggest individual therapy for you both and couples therapy. You have children to protect as well and if this gets out it will be malicious gossip.

Take care of yourself. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot going on here. It is a big deal that OP's husband has been lying to her for years. Regardless of whether or not he has acted on any interest in men (I find it entirely plausible that he's been monogamous), the fact that he's opened up NOW may make it easier for him to go after that. And OP you have a lot to sort out --

I find it interesting that one PP said "this is the perfect reason to divorce" ... maybe, if OP had been searching for a reason to divorce! I can see me saying the same thing, because my marriage isn't satisfying me right now. But for somebody who is satisfied this is weird comment.

I'd be cautious, OP, but no decision you make has to be final. You can stay together for now, and divorce later. You can open the marriage. You can stay married and monogamous forever, or maybe change it up in the future. But those panties aren't going back in the closet, no matter how hard you try. I think more will be flying off the shelves, TBH. Start mentally preparing yourself for more change.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for this confusion that has been injected into your life, OP. Check his browser history - I'm not joking.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to give a point of view here. I am a man and started to have sexual feelings for men a couple of years after I met my wife. I am by far way more attracted to women but still find men attractive. Think 80/20 women to men for attraction.

I started to reveal this to my wife about 5 years ago. She was very open and accepting. We started to explore together and we've had "guests" a couple of times. It's a ton of fun for everyone as long as everyone is safe. My wife knows that I have no intention of leaving and am committed as ever to our family with our 2 children. We never did anything unless we were on really strong footing and it definitely has brought us closer as there are no secrets. I am a very loyal guy and have never cheated on any relationship and she knows this.

Just wanted to let you know that there are possible ways forward that are positive and can be beneficial. I know that this doesn't address your trans experience but hope it can be better than the negativity on this board.

[Anonymous]

Ever watch “The Fall” with Gillian Anderson OP? Obviously worst case scenario...but amazingly good tv series.

[Anonymous]

I think if this were me, I would seek out a therapist so I had a place to talk about it that was just for myself. Later I might like to establish a good couples therapist so we had someone we could seek out if things crept up. And I think in good faith to let him now I really loved him I’d buy him a new pair of lady knickers, or some lady pajamas so he could be himself around me. I wouldn’t be comfortable with full on cross dressing, but knowing that it made him feel good I could meet him there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to give a point of view here. I am a man and started to have sexual feelings for men a couple of years after I met my wife. I am by far way more attracted to women but still find men attractive. Think 80/20 women to men for attraction.

I started to reveal this to my wife about 5 years ago. She was very open and accepting. We started to explore together and we've had "guests" a couple of times. It's a ton of fun for everyone as long as everyone is safe. My wife knows that I have no intention of leaving and am committed as ever to our family with our 2 children. We never did anything unless we were on really strong footing and it definitely has brought us closer as there are no secrets. I am a very loyal guy and have never cheated on any relationship and she knows this.

Just wanted to let you know that there are possible ways forward that are positive and can be beneficial. I know that this doesn't address your trans experience but hope it can be better than the negativity on this board.

And she shouldn't feel bad if she has ZERO desire to do this. The thought of watching my husband and another man, even if I'm involved would make me throw up and retch violently.

That scenario is not for a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

he is buying used panties and making this up to deflect him being caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ignore the weirdos saying you aren’t liberal since you can’t accept this. You didn’t sign on for this. You didn’t go into marriage knowing your spouse was bi, gay or liked to wear women’s clothes.

I’m the first PP whose husband disclosed something similar, including some same-sex activity. We’re actually conservative Republicans. This is not a political issue.

Choose what is right for you, your marriage, and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to give a point of view here. I am a man and started to have sexual feelings for men a couple of years after I met my wife. I am by far way more attracted to women but still find men attractive. Think 80/20 women to men for attraction.

I started to reveal this to my wife about 5 years ago. She was very open and accepting. We started to explore together and we've had "guests" a couple of times. It's a ton of fun for everyone as long as everyone is safe. My wife knows that I have no intention of leaving and am committed as ever to our family with our 2 children. We never did anything unless we were on really strong footing and it definitely has brought us closer as there are no secrets. I am a very loyal guy and have never cheated on any relationship and she knows this.

Just wanted to let you know that there are possible ways forward that are positive and can be beneficial. I know that this doesn't address your trans experience but hope it can be better than the negativity on this board.

This would be a total and complete dealbreaker for me. And while I appreciate the perspective OP in no way should feel that she needs to explore this as an alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to give a point of view here. I am a man and started to have sexual feelings for men a couple of years after I met my wife. I am by far way more attracted to women but still find men attractive. Think 80/20 women to men for attraction.

I started to reveal this to my wife about 5 years ago. She was very open and accepting. We started to explore together and we've had "guests" a couple of times. It's a ton of fun for everyone as long as everyone is safe. My wife knows that I have no intention of leaving and am committed as ever to our family with our 2 children. We never did anything unless we were on really strong footing and it definitely has brought us closer as there are no secrets. I am a very loyal guy and have never cheated on any relationship and she knows this.

Just wanted to let you know that there are possible ways forward that are positive and can be beneficial. I know that this doesn't address your trans experience but hope it can be better than the negativity on this board.

This would be a total and complete dealbreaker for me. And while I appreciate the perspective OP in no way should feel that she needs to explore this as an alternative.

I'm the pp. Totally understand that it's not for everyone and had no intention of trying to persuade op. Just thought that there is a lot of negativity and close mindedness so far and that there are some perspectives that can be positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to give a point of view here. I am a man and started to have sexual feelings for men a couple of years after I met my wife. I am by far way more attracted to women but still find men attractive. Think 80/20 women to men for attraction.

I started to reveal this to my wife about 5 years ago. She was very open and accepting. We started to explore together and we've had "guests" a couple of times. It's a ton of fun for everyone as long as everyone is safe. My wife knows that I have no intention of leaving and am committed as ever to our family with our 2 children. We never did anything unless we were on really strong footing and it definitely has brought us closer as there are no secrets. I am a very loyal guy and have never cheated on any relationship and she knows this.

Just wanted to let you know that there are possible ways forward that are positive and can be beneficial. I know that this doesn't address your trans experience but hope it can be better than the negativity on this board.

This would be a total and complete dealbreaker for me. And while I appreciate the perspective OP in no way should feel that she needs to explore this as an alternative.

I'm the pp. Totally understand that it's not for everyone and had no intention of trying to persuade op. Just thought that there is a lot of negativity and close mindedness so far and that there are some perspectives that can be positive.

New poster, and while I agree that women don't have to accept this, this is exactly why men are best to keep their sexual fantasies a secret. I approached my wife with what I thought was a fairly mild fetish and she also reacted with disgust.

I feel for you, OP. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wanted to give a point of view here. I am a man and started to have sexual feelings for men a couple of years after I met my wife. I am by far way more attracted to women but still find men attractive. Think 80/20 women to men for attraction.

I started to reveal this to my wife about 5 years ago. She was very open and accepting. We started to explore together and we've had "guests" a couple of times. It's a ton of fun for everyone as long as everyone is safe. My wife knows that I have no intention of leaving and am committed as ever to our family with our 2 children. We never did anything unless we were on really strong footing and it definitely has brought us closer as there are no secrets. I am a very loyal guy and have never cheated on any relationship and she knows this.

Just wanted to let you know that there are possible ways forward that are positive and can be beneficial. I know that this doesn't address your trans experience but hope it can be better than the negativity on this board.

This would be a total and complete dealbreaker for me. And while I appreciate the perspective OP in no way should feel that she needs to explore this as an alternative.

I'm the pp. Totally understand that it's not for everyone and had no intention of trying to persuade op. Just thought that there is a lot of negativity and close mindedness so far and that there are some perspectives that can be positive.

It's not close-mindedness. Quit shaming. Just like some people are born homosexual or trans, many others are born heterosexual. It's a spectrum.

Not wanting to watch your husband have gay sex or be in a threesome with him and another man is NOT close-mindness. It is not some people's persuasion. Period.