Husband's gender identity and sexuality revelation

[Anonymous]

Bruce / Caitlyn Jenner is not bisexual. She has said she has only ever been sexually attracted to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bruce / Caitlyn Jenner is not bisexual. She has said she has only ever been sexually attracted to women.

She wanted to become a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but out of curiosity how many of you would stay married to your spouse if they revealed they were transgendered but had no desire to transition? If the marriage was otherwise good and there were kids involved would you stay? I’m not sure what I would do in OP’s situation.

Like others have said transitioning would be a dealbreaker for me. I’m straight and have zero interest in being with a woman. Not everyone who is transgendered chooses to transition though so it’s possible that he is ok staying the way he is but I would make sure that is definitely the case. I think sexuality can be more fluid and I don’t think bisexuality/bicuriousity is a problem as long as your spouse is committed to you. I think it’s a common misconception that if you are bisexual you are more likely to cheat. Some choose to open their marriage up and explore but that has to be an agreement between the couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but out of curiosity how many of you would stay married to your spouse if they revealed they were transgendered but had no desire to transition? If the marriage was otherwise good and there were kids involved would you stay? I’m not sure what I would do in OP’s situation.

I could work it out as long as we still had a good sex life or we could open the marriage so I could find someone to have sex with

I think the key is if you are OK with opening the marriage or not. I wouldn’t be and so this situation wouldn’t work for me at all. It would be a divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you buy the realistic strapon yet and see if that helps in your situation...?

[Anonymous]

If my DW starting dressing and acting like a man, I'd bounce.

[Anonymous]

Read Dan Savage. He answers this question at least once a month.

[Anonymous]

I know it wouldn't work for me. You can't unring a bell/un-know that. It would really turn me off.

I'd be annoyed at the lack of honestly- but I do understand why- and honestly I'd feel bad that he's had this secret. I'd have more issue with the whole idea being a turnoff for me (I like my men masculine/into women) and the concept that he's one bad decision/curious night/sudden opportunity away from putting me at risk of an STI. I think that for the rest of my life while we shagged I'd wonder if he was fantasizing about getting some D.

[Anonymous]

if you're keeping secrets from people you love and are close to you (family and friends), you are in place where you can't make good decisions. Tell everyone and see what they say.

Personally, I would divorce. immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could it be, even remotely possible that he is seeing another woman & bought this underwear for her??

And instead of getting caught >>> he concocted this story as an excuse??

Because I would think you would of had a gut feeling beforehand....

OP here, no the underwear was definitely his and not another woman's. Part of me wonders though if he is really being completely honest regarding his sexuality. He told me is turned on by women way more than men but I have no idea if he is just saying that so I don't worry. He has always had a lower sex drive and I've wondered many times if he is really that sexually turned on by me. Even if I wear something sexy like lingerie, it does not seem to illicit much of a reaction out of him. My fear is that his sexual interests skew more towards men but he's afraid to admit it or doesn't know because he has never experienced it.

He is definitely not straight. It sounds like he might be gay if he's not very interested in you and is forcing it.

I agree that this is going to become a bigger and bigger issue until it's over. Will probably be easier on you and the kids to work out the divorce earlier rather than later.

Straight men are not like this.

I am so, so sorry. I dated a closeted gay man once years ago. Not the same, but still, yes, it happens. It is definitely not the same thing as being trans or bi.

Well. I married one. A closeted gay man who was a super high-achiever in this town once. I was 24 when we married. He cheated on me with men, women, groups, you name it. Mostly anonymous stuff, extremely dangerous. I would NEVER EVER knowingly get involved or stay with someone like this again. Along with all of this came crazy alcohol consumption and lots of risk-seeking behavior.

OP, I'm really sorry too. Let me tell you that I'm about ten years out from my own disaster, and I'm now happy and feel safe and engaged to a great man who is pretty simple/straight-forward when it comes to gender, etc. My marriage at the end took years off my life. It was so nasty and dangerous and deceitful. Now things are easy and uncomplicated and I feel the happiest I've been since I was 24. Oh, and I was married for 15 years.

I want to be with someone who is just there for me and isn't using me as a beard or someone who owns 2/3 of the 401K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could it be, even remotely possible that he is seeing another woman & bought this underwear for her??

And instead of getting caught >>> he concocted this story as an excuse??

Because I would think you would of had a gut feeling beforehand....

OP here, no the underwear was definitely his and not another woman's. Part of me wonders though if he is really being completely honest regarding his sexuality. He told me is turned on by women way more than men but I have no idea if he is just saying that so I don't worry. He has always had a lower sex drive and I've wondered many times if he is really that sexually turned on by me. Even if I wear something sexy like lingerie, it does not seem to illicit much of a reaction out of him. My fear is that his sexual interests skew more towards men but he's afraid to admit it or doesn't know because he has never experienced it.

He is definitely not straight. It sounds like he might be gay if he's not very interested in you and is forcing it.

I agree that this is going to become a bigger and bigger issue until it's over. Will probably be easier on you and the kids to work out the divorce earlier rather than later.

Straight men are not like this.

I am so, so sorry. I dated a closeted gay man once years ago. Not the same, but still, yes, it happens. It is definitely not the same thing as being trans or bi.

Well. I married one. A closeted gay man who was a super high-achiever in this town once. I was 24 when we married. He cheated on me with men, women, groups, you name it. Mostly anonymous stuff, extremely dangerous. I would NEVER EVER knowingly get involved or stay with someone like this again. Along with all of this came crazy alcohol consumption and lots of risk-seeking behavior.

OP, I'm really sorry too. Let me tell you that I'm about ten years out from my own disaster, and I'm now happy and feel safe and engaged to a great man who is pretty simple/straight-forward when it comes to gender, etc. My marriage at the end took years off my life. It was so nasty and dangerous and deceitful. Now things are easy and uncomplicated and I feel the happiest I've been since I was 24. Oh, and I was married for 15 years.

I want to be with someone who is just there for me and isn't using me as a beard or someone who owns 2/3 of the 401K.

I posted earlier in this thread about my "straight" DH (soon to be ex) having sex with men. Also anonymously and dangerously. DH is bipolar, and it sounds like yours was too? It's strangely comforting to know I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

This is too much for me. I would say bye. I am not interested in women or women’s underwear or men who are interested in sex with other men. If he wants a dick he should go get one. I do not have a dick so bye.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely a betrayal. I cant believe he didn't come clean about this to you earlier.

If it were me I would separate and get things lined up for divorce. Aint nobody want to deal with that nonsense- not in this lifetime, at least