If you’ve been with your partner for 12-20 + years & have kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is — if you’re visual — most sex isn’t going to be as hot once the kids leave the nest cuz you’re more old, flabby and wrinkly. Younger sex is hotter.

You’re young, aren’t you.

You have no idea...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Together 13 years and 3 kids. We have a wonderful marriage, very affectionate, loving, sex 3x per week and still have that spark.

Honestly, I credit it to DH. He is very playful and fun ( I am more serious) and I try to match his mood. So when he teases or flirts I don’t shut him down and I try to do the same even if it does t come as naturally to me.

It makes it easy that we are financially stable, kids go to bed at 8, and we are good at working out our differences without huge fights (like our early years).

I don’t know that I have advice, but try to think about how your mood and tone were with your DH when there was a spark. Where you playful? More spontaneous? Had new things to share? Engaged in outside interests? Unlikely it was all friendship and business decisions. You can’t turn back the clock but maybe try to recapture some of that attitude and interaction with each other.

This is really good advice. My wife stopped being playful and rejects all my advances, so I stopped trying. But she is also fine being sexless so lose lose and we are splitting when last leaves for college. I love the idea of remembering to be playful and set aside time to be a couple again

[Anonymous]

We’ve been married 13 years with one kid. Our sex life took a big dip after my son was born, came back up, then down again with infertility and trying for a second. It was more science experiment than sex. We’re 5 years past that, in our mid 40s, and we’re both happy enough with our sex life - he would do it 2x a day, I have a lower drive, but I don’t let it go more than 3 days without sex, my goal is every other day.

What kept us through the down times is that he makes me laugh more than anybody ever has, we really like each other, and are just happy with each other. We’re both stubborn and we have what I call thunderstorm fights, quick and angry and sometimes loud, but we make up quickly. They’re usually not frequent, though quarantine and 24/7 togetherness has taken its toll. We talk a lot though, and about everything. Nothing really seems to get a chance to fester, if one of is feeling something the other hears about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Together 13 years and 3 kids. We have a wonderful marriage, very affectionate, loving, sex 3x per week and still have that spark.

Honestly, I credit it to DH. He is very playful and fun ( I am more serious) and I try to match his mood. So when he teases or flirts I don’t shut him down and I try to do the same even if it does t come as naturally to me.

It makes it easy that we are financially stable, kids go to bed at 8, and we are good at working out our differences without huge fights (like our early years).

I don’t know that I have advice, but try to think about how your mood and tone were with your DH when there was a spark. Where you playful? More spontaneous? Had new things to share? Engaged in outside interests? Unlikely it was all friendship and business decisions. You can’t turn back the clock but maybe try to recapture some of that attitude and interaction with each other.

This is really good advice. My wife stopped being playful and rejects all my advances, so I stopped trying. But she is also fine being sexless so lose lose and we are splitting when last leaves for college. I love the idea of remembering to be playful and set aside time to be a couple again

Just tell your wife about your plans so that she's not surprised.

BTW, things change after kids leave home and it's just the two of you. Things are more relaxed in general and so it leads to more intimacy in general for me (not just sex but just more affectionate). At least that's my experience.

[Anonymous]

Together 20, married 16. Last had sex in 2013.

Husband declines when I try to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Together 13 years and 3 kids. We have a wonderful marriage, very affectionate, loving, sex 3x per week and still have that spark.

Honestly, I credit it to DH. He is very playful and fun ( I am more serious) and I try to match his mood. So when he teases or flirts I don’t shut him down and I try to do the same even if it does t come as naturally to me.

It makes it easy that we are financially stable, kids go to bed at 8, and we are good at working out our differences without huge fights (like our early years).

I don’t know that I have advice, but try to think about how your mood and tone were with your DH when there was a spark. Where you playful? More spontaneous? Had new things to share? Engaged in outside interests? Unlikely it was all friendship and business decisions. You can’t turn back the clock but maybe try to recapture some of that attitude and interaction with each other.

This is really good advice. My wife stopped being playful and rejects all my advances, so I stopped trying. But she is also fine being sexless so lose lose and we are splitting when last leaves for college. I love the idea of remembering to be playful and set aside time to be a couple again

Just tell your wife about your plans so that she's not surprised.

BTW, things change after kids leave home and it's just the two of you. Things are more relaxed in general and so it leads to more intimacy in general for me (not just sex but just more affectionate). At least that's my experience.

No freaking way. Not to hijack this thread, but why on earth do I want the last two years we are together spent in silence and uncomfortable posturing. I had mentioned to her a year back after my umpteenth request for more intimacy that I may need to divorce over this, and she steps up for a week then we go back to square one.

I can't even imagine her turning into a sexual person, at least with me, when the kids leave, and frankly I would be too resentful that she could put sex on hold for two decades and decides its ok to do that again now because she feels like it. We get along very well now, so i just want to keep the peace for another 18 months till last one leaves. She will be totally happy to be alone and not be bothered for sex again anyway.

Like I said, don't be like us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Together 20, married 16. Last had sex in 2013.

Husband declines when I try to talk about it.

What do you say you and I end that dry spell? Lord knows you deserve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is — if you’re visual — most sex isn’t going to be as hot once the kids leave the nest cuz you’re more old, flabby and wrinkly. Younger sex is hotter.

You’re young, aren’t you.

You have no idea...

I’m 40 and I rarely am attracted to women over 35. I’d honestly rather watch porn or look at Instagram photos of hot 25 year olds than have sex with most women my age. I wish it weren’t so, but the penis wants what it wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is — if you’re visual — most sex isn’t going to be as hot once the kids leave the nest cuz you’re more old, flabby and wrinkly. Younger sex is hotter.

You’re young, aren’t you.

You have no idea...

I’m 40 and I rarely am attracted to women over 35. I’d honestly rather watch porn or look at Instagram photos of hot 25 year olds than have sex with most women my age. I wish it weren’t so, but the penis wants what it wants.

Sounds like you haven't been with many experienced and enthusiastic women. Wonder why...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is — if you’re visual — most sex isn’t going to be as hot once the kids leave the nest cuz you’re more old, flabby and wrinkly. Younger sex is hotter.

You’re young, aren’t you.

You have no idea...

I’m 40 and I rarely am attracted to women over 35. I’d honestly rather watch porn or look at Instagram photos of hot 25 year olds than have sex with most women my age. I wish it weren’t so, but the penis wants what it wants.

Great! Congratulations on keeping your hand happy. I hope you are both happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is — if you’re visual — most sex isn’t going to be as hot once the kids leave the nest cuz you’re more old, flabby and wrinkly. Younger sex is hotter.

You’re young, aren’t you.

You have no idea...

I’m 40 and I rarely am attracted to women over 35. I’d honestly rather watch porn or look at Instagram photos of hot 25 year olds than have sex with most women my age. I wish it weren’t so, but the penis wants what it wants.

Send them my way please. I will take an enthusiastic 40+ woman over a a dud 25 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is — if you’re visual — most sex isn’t going to be as hot once the kids leave the nest cuz you’re more old, flabby and wrinkly. Younger sex is hotter.

You’re young, aren’t you.

You have no idea...

I’m 40 and I rarely am attracted to women over 35. I’d honestly rather watch porn or look at Instagram photos of hot 25 year olds than have sex with most women my age. I wish it weren’t so, but the penis wants what it wants.

I’d rather have a softer 40 year old who is enthusiastic and open minded in bed than a 25 year old hard body who’s a starfish.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been married 32 years and we have never had big ups and downs when it came to affection and sex. There were certainly times when we were so busy with children and jobs that things slowed down but it never led to real difficulties in our marriage. We are very like minded people and we have always been on the same wavelength on most things and we have been very lucky to be financially stable. We’ve been empty nesters for almost 10 years and we have really enjoyed our one on one time together and that includes sex. While some people understandably get bored with monogamy we have made a point of bringing new ideas to the bedroom and other rooms and places. My husband jokes that we are like a good restaurant which frequently changes its menu.

[Anonymous]

Married 16 years. Three kids. I’m bored to tears. Had no idea what I signed up for when I said til death do we part. I don’t think I am cracked up for monogamy. Thinking about divorce because forever is a mighty long time.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately my dh and I met too young and our honeymoon period was in college. Weve been married almost 12 yrs but together wayyy longer than that. As college kids we were great together... prob bc we were drunk the whole time. As adults we are terrible. Very conflicting personalities. Id never choose someone like him had I met him in adulthood. I regret our marriage so much but now Im stuck in an unhappy marriage bc Im a SAHM and we have kids. The plan was for me to go back to work this Fall but doesnt look like that will be happening bc of Covid. Being trapped in a quarantine with my dh for the last 4 months has been brutal. Ugh. Happy for all of you though whi are in happy marriages! Maybe in my next life Ill get a shot at that.