Reply to If you’ve been with your partner for 12-20 + years & have kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Together 13 years and 3 kids. We have a wonderful marriage, very affectionate, loving, sex 3x per week and still have that spark.

Honestly, I credit it to DH. He is very playful and fun ( I am more serious) and I try to match his mood. So when he teases or flirts I don’t shut him down and I try to do the same even if it does t come as naturally to me.

It makes it easy that we are financially stable, kids go to bed at 8, and we are good at working out our differences without huge fights (like our early years).

I don’t know that I have advice, but try to think about how your mood and tone were with your DH when there was a spark. Where you playful? More spontaneous? Had new things to share? Engaged in outside interests? Unlikely it was all friendship and business decisions. You can’t turn back the clock but maybe try to recapture some of that attitude and interaction with each other. [/quote]

This is really good advice. My wife stopped being playful and rejects all my advances, so I stopped trying.  But she is also fine being sexless so lose lose and we are splitting when last leaves for college. I love the idea of remembering to be playful and set aside time to be a couple again[/quote]

[b]Just tell your wife about your plans so that she's not surprised.[/b]

BTW, things change after kids leave home and it's just the two of you.  Things are more relaxed in general and so it leads to more intimacy in general  for me (not just sex but just more affectionate).  At least that's my experience.  [/quote]

No freaking way.  Not to hijack this thread, but why on earth do I want the last two years we are together spent in silence and uncomfortable posturing.  I had mentioned to her a year back after my umpteenth request for more intimacy that I may need to divorce over this, and she steps up for a week then we go back to square one.

I can't even imagine her turning into a sexual person, at least with me, when the kids leave, and frankly I would be too resentful that she could put sex on hold for two decades and decides its ok to do that again now because she feels like it.  We get along very well now, so i just want to keep the peace for another 18 months till last one leaves.  She will be totally happy to be alone and not be bothered for sex again anyway.

Like I said, don't be like us :)[/quote]

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