Daughter (16) saying that life is boring, has no purpose, is work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, she’s kind of right

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for these teens today. They are trying to come into adulthood at an incredibly confusing time.

Everything that has made this country great for the generations of us before them is being stripped from them violently, and they are being lied to and told that it is wrong and bad and to hate themselves if they are a part of it. Religion? History? Family? Traditions? Hard work? Understanding the difference between right and wrong? Holding yourself and others accountable for their actions?

When that is gone, there will be nothing left. And kids your OP's daughter are the ones who will pay the highest price.

Can you elaborate on why "everything that has made this country great for the generations of us before them is being stripped from them violently"? Many people are religious. "Family," "traditions," "hard work," morality, responsibility...all of these still exist.

Teens in the 21st century do face unprecedented challenges, climate change among them. But many of them also have opportunities that earlier generations could have only imagined.

Yeah I don’t think teens in the 1920s were too optimistic about the future either. Or teens in the mid nineteenth century

"Teens" didn't really exist as a demographic in the mid nineteenth century, so it's not comparable.

OP, your daughter is right that adulthood is a lot more work--but there's also a lot more autonomy and choice! If she doesn't see the appeal of that...

"teens" would have been studying and/or working in the 1920's. Helicoptering as we know it did not exist. My grandfather flunked out of one year of high
school and had to repeat it. If you did not make the grade it was on you to improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, I know this is distressing. My niece felt similarly. She started cutting, but hid it very well. She got therapy, but nothing changed until she went on a service trip to Guatemala and began working with folks there. It was as if she started to get better immediately. She is now happy, a junior in college and doing very well. She goes to Guatemala several times a year - to help, or to teach art. And she just formed a US part of a nonprofit. I think she had to find her passion. I hope that your DD does the same.

I think this is relevant—it’s helpful for anyone to find something that brings joy and a sense of purpose. It doesn’t have to be a service activity, but something that brings you in contact with others to accomplish something. Could be an art class, or a fitness group, whatever. But many of us struggle with the purpose of life and that stuff can make it feel a little less murky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, she’s kind of right

+2. She figured it out at a younger age than most people do.

Yup.

Absolutely. She's right and it just sucks that she figured it out so young instead of around 40 like the rest of us.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get her a therapist. I had these thoughts as a teen and became gradually more depressed and eventually suicidal. She needs help reframing some of her assumptions— ie, my teen years were definitely not the most satisfying of my life, and many things bring me more joy than being young and having people take care for me: autonomy, challenge, independence. I would take it seriously especially if her personality has gotten more flat or affectless.

Yes this. DS was hospitalized for suicidal ideation and it seems like your DD needs immediate therapy. Don’t let your husband’s dismissiveness stand in the way of getting this for her. Depression doesn’t discriminate along socio-economic lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, I know this is distressing. My niece felt similarly. She started cutting, but hid it very well. She got therapy, but nothing changed until she went on a service trip to Guatemala and began working with folks there. It was as if she started to get better immediately. She is now happy, a junior in college and doing very well. She goes to Guatemala several times a year - to help, or to teach art. And she just formed a US part of a nonprofit. I think she had to find her passion. I hope that your DD does the same.

I think this is relevant—it’s helpful for anyone to find something that brings joy and a sense of purpose. It doesn’t have to be a service activity, but something that brings you in contact with others to accomplish something. Could be an art class, or a fitness group, whatever. But many of us struggle with the purpose of life and that stuff can make it feel a little less murky.

This is excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get her a therapist. I had these thoughts as a teen and became gradually more depressed and eventually suicidal. She needs help reframing some of her assumptions— ie, my teen years were definitely not the most satisfying of my life, and many things bring me more joy than being young and having people take care for me: autonomy, challenge, independence. I would take it seriously especially if her personality has gotten more flat or affectless.

Yes this. DS was hospitalized for suicidal ideation and it seems like your DD needs immediate therapy. Don’t let your husband’s dismissiveness stand in the way of getting this for her. Depression doesn’t discriminate along socio-economic lines.

I hope your son is doing well now.

[Anonymous]

Pretty typical for her age, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think she is depressed and may need medication. I think she needs to be involved in charitable work with those less fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is depressed and may need medication. I think she needs to be involved in charitable work with those less fortunate.

I agree because this is necessary for kids in general. Why specifically OP's daughter, though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she is depressed and may need medication. I think she needs to be involved in charitable work with those less fortunate.

I agree because this is necessary for kids in general. Why specifically OP's daughter, though?

Not the person you are referring to, but it can really help SOME with mild to moderate depression as part of an overall treatment plan that also includes therapy, etc. You focus on something outside yourself. You start to count your own blessings. You feel a part of a bigger community. You are doing your part to have a positive influence. You see there is a world beyond your bubble. You connect with other people who care about the greater good.

[Anonymous]

Probably off the wall, but you should also introduce her to the concept of extreme early retirement (e.g. Mr Money Mustache). Adult life doesn’t have to be a slog... Also make sure she knows that she is not required to have kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably off the wall, but you should also introduce her to the concept of extreme early retirement (e.g. Mr Money Mustache). Adult life doesn’t have to be a slog... Also make sure she knows that she is not required to have kids!

Yeah, eating crap, hoarding money and then sitting on it for another 30 years sounds like a great way of discovering the meaning of life. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably off the wall, but you should also introduce her to the concept of extreme early retirement (e.g. Mr Money Mustache). Adult life doesn’t have to be a slog... Also make sure she knows that she is not required to have kids!

Yeah, eating crap, hoarding money and then sitting on it for another 30 years sounds like a great way of discovering the meaning of life. Ugh.

Wow, bitter much? Don’t worry, you can stay chained to your desk and continue your endless consumption of trashing of our planet’s resources. Talk about a meaningful life...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These sound like quarantine feelings. Life is boring right now because there isn’t much going on. It won’t be this way forever.

I agree. At her age, I and my kids were working part-time and had huge social lives. She needs therapy to also appreciate her rich lifestyle.