Daughter (16) saying that life is boring, has no purpose, is work

[Anonymous]

She and your DH are both right, but I think it also comes down to the half full or empty glass personality. My parents grew up dirt poor but have different outlooks on life.

Find hobbies, passions that makes her happy. My kids miss their organized sports, but we still try to take them to the fields and practice - every little bit counts in quarantine.

Every day, ask her what she is grateful for, so she focuses on the positive. If she can't see the positive, it may be a sign of depression.

[Anonymous]

Give her irksome chores that will help her to ensure that she appreciates her downtime more. My kids look forward to leaving the nest because it means they will escape me.

[Anonymous]

My vote is “being a teenager.” Age-appropriate. At this time of transition, seems pretty normal to mourn the end of childhood but not quite be ready to take on an adult role yet.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree that this is normal behavior for a teen of today. Aside from school, they often have no obligation to do anything but amuse themselves. They have rivers of time and privilege. There is nothing for them to look forward to because they chafe under few constraints. Adulthood will bring professional stress and financial obligation but no corresponding freedom. If you are not extremely adventurous or ambitious by nature, why would you look forward to taking on "boring" responsibilities? Mom and Dad already provide a comfortable existence with every imaginable luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, she’s kind of right

+2. She figured it out at a younger age than most people do.

What?! Sure, childhood is great... but other times in your life should be as well. I think some adults on here need therapists as well.

[Anonymous]

Her life will have meaning and be purposeful if she finds meaning and purpose. That’s her challenge and her privilege.

I can’t tell whether this is typical teenage angst or whether she could use therapy (I wouldn’t base it on whether she thinks it would be helpful though because people who are depressed may not realize they have the ability to feel differently.)

[Anonymous]

“There is only one really serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide,” so claims Camus in his essay The Myth of Sisyphus.

As soon as my daughter began expressing things similar to your daughter, I told her about this. Since she isn't interested in suicide, the conversation turns to how to make the best of it. We talk about enjoying small moments, the beauty of nature, helping people, learning and practicing skills, sharing music and knowledge. But I think I would not have had a child if I were not so damn bored myself and I stopped with one kid because seriously, we need to just kind of slow down the number of humans around.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and this is a good summary of the Camus essay.

https://bigthink.com/scotty-hendricks/the-meaning-of-life-albert-camus-on-faith-suicide-and-absurdity

[Anonymous]

My 20 year has been saying this for at least 3 years. We have a good life, but he sees us a working nonstop to maintain it with little time for anything truly pleasurable in between. Can’t blame him, from the time kids his age starts kindergarten we start apply pressure to prepare them to deal with a competitive work world. And social media has speed up the growing up process, robbing them of their innocence. Is it any wonder that they feel unmotivated by life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 20 year has been saying this for at least 3 years. We have a good life, but he sees us a working nonstop to maintain it with little time for anything truly pleasurable in between. Can’t blame him, from the time kids his age starts kindergarten we start apply pressure to prepare them to deal with a competitive work world. And social media has speed up the growing up process, robbing them of their innocence. Is it any wonder that they feel unmotivated by life

Oh this is different. We specifically avoided competitive school systems for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s a chance to talk with her about the kind of life she wants to live and how she can try to achieve that. How to keep off the treadmill, be satisfied with fewer material things, what kinds of relationships she values, what kind of adult she wants to be. Remind her that there is a LOT that can be great about being an adult.

[Anonymous]

Life is what you make it! Sad she has already lost interest. She should try to be thankful for what she has and also try to take advantage of ALL THE THINGS SHE CAN DO RIGHT NOW! She needs to develop a hobby or interest. OP, you probably do too.

[Anonymous]

What adulthood brings is choice. If she doesn’t want kids and a 9-5 job she doesn’t need them! She could be a surf instructor in Mexico and spend her life on the beach. Or she could be an artist, and life in a commune off the grid in the woods in Oregon. Or she could be an aid worker posted to a new international post every 5 years where housing and a car are part of the package. And she doesn’t need to know now what she wants to do. But if life is boring it is because that is what you have chosen. I have chosen boring in midlife after having a bit of a nomadic yearly adulthood, and am very happy with kids and a house and a job. But I didn’t have them for a long time, and she doesn’t need to, either. Help her see that she gets to create her life, a great privilege that most of the world can’t even imagine. I hope she feels better soon. This time isn’t easy on our teens!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your daughter has very good intuition and is very smart. She recognizes that life isn’t full of a bowl of cherries and things don’t come easy. She likely will not be one of those college bound students that pursues a worthless degree simply just to breeze through college. Hopefully she will find out what is her passion that will fulfill her happiness and hopefully pay well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 20 year has been saying this for at least 3 years. We have a good life, but he sees us a working nonstop to maintain it with little time for anything truly pleasurable in between. Can’t blame him, from the time kids his age starts kindergarten we start apply pressure to prepare them to deal with a competitive work world. And social media has speed up the growing up process, robbing them of their innocence. Is it any wonder that they feel unmotivated by life

I grew up watching my parents go through this. They worked in high-paying but soul-sucking corporate jobs for 35+ years. I remember my dad having panic attacks in the middle of the night over having to go to work the next day. He would often come home and take his stress out on everyone else. I remember my mom crying hysterically and getting physically ill over work stress. She sometimes would work 18 hour days and would often not even have time to watch 30 minutes of TV with me at night. In their minimal spare time, they would work on the house and yard to make sure that everything looked perfect. Although they are both retired now, sadly they can't even enjoy retirement because my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer back in 2018 at age 58. My dad spends most of his time bringing her to appointments and taking care of the house, because my mom goes crazy and yells if anything is out of sorts in the slightest. You would think that having cancer would have taught her not to sweat the small stuff, but it only made her compulsiveness worse.

Seeing their behavior led me to realize from the time I was your DD's age that my goal was not going to be material wealth and a high-status career but to be happy. My teaching job will never pay as much as their jobs did or have as much prestige, but at least I don't dread going to work and am helping people. Life is too short for a rat race and obsessing with perfection. My mom's illness has made me realize that even more. There's an increased chance I could get the same kind of cancer as her. My life may already be half over. Therefore, I sure as hell am not going to waste it in a job I hate and am only in for the money.