MIL wants to come visit (fly) - am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's DC is vulnerable given asthma - they should not be opening their arms as vulnerable populations are still supposed to isolate. This is not a healthy, normal child. This is a higher risk child.

I'm vulnerable given my asthma and am pregnant with SUA + low fetal weight on scans + high risk for pre-term labor + baby has potential heart issue/might need surgery at birth. If my DH invited my MIL without consulting me, I'd actually consider divorce because he is putting my life and the life of child at risk which is appalling to me. Thankfully, he told her she can't visit given the baby issues a month ago and instruction by doctors to not allow visitors indefinitely given heart issue; she was sad but understood.

I think the fact that your DC is vulnerable is what you need to consider the most. How guilty will you, your DH, or even your MIL feel if your DC gets exposed?

They’re not going to feel guilty at all. MIL will be calling to see how he’s doing and telling you about how he doesn’t actually have Covid and it’s an unrelated pneumonia. Then she’ll push supplements or some other pseudoscience. DH will agree and tell OP she’s being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your husband just never gets to see his mother?

He should take your child and leave your crazy self

This, have husband flyout with your child to see his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to all who responded. I feel like I can’t win. DH and his MIL have made up their minds. If I block this, I will reap the consequences in the form of a pissed off husband who will say I’m keeping MIL from DS and I will have a miserable MIL guilting DH constantly which will exacerbate his anger, which had been incredibly acute lately.

Literally my MIL FaceTimes us constantly and complains about how long it’s been since she has seen us and keeps reminding us when the last time she came was on every call. And she tells DS how much she misses him and wants to come visit and asks if he remembers when she came last because “it was so long ago” etc (yes, he remembers). She’s always been like this but the pandemic is making her unhinged. She also wants to fly in when the baby comes to “help” (which means she attempts to play with DS but I suspect will just try to get all the baby snuggles in before handing him over to me for diaper changes and feeds - that’s what happened the first time). But god help me if I point that out to DH.

Are you okay OP? Do you have somewhere you can go? Dealing with your husband’s anger problems while pregnant seems like a bad situation...

Do you feel he will become violent if you say no?

Are you safe OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, churches are opening, stores are opening, protestors are allowed to gather in large crowds of thousands.

Can you have MIL stay in a hotel. Visit her with masks with 6' distance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's DC is vulnerable given asthma - they should not be opening their arms as vulnerable populations are still supposed to isolate. This is not a healthy, normal child. This is a higher risk child.

I'm vulnerable given my asthma and am pregnant with SUA + low fetal weight on scans + high risk for pre-term labor + baby has potential heart issue/might need surgery at birth. If my DH invited my MIL without consulting me, I'd actually consider divorce because he is putting my life and the life of child at risk which is appalling to me. Thankfully, he told her she can't visit given the baby issues a month ago and instruction by doctors to not allow visitors indefinitely given heart issue; she was sad but understood.

I think the fact that your DC is vulnerable is what you need to consider the most. How guilty will you, your DH, or even your MIL feel if your DC gets exposed?

Also, to add I have a MPH and work for a federal agency in public health policy who works day in and out on CV-19 response. I might be overly cautious given what I work on daily all day.

I am not the OP - but my mom who is a little older than OPs sits home and listens for Fox News. Remember - the narrative that they have been pushing. A lot of this is based on inconsistent information / what you believe.

The Catholic Churches in VA have opened - even though spread in VA is high. It is really hard to reconcile these data points. Personally - I think the fact that the archdioceses of Arlington was one of the last to address abuse of it's priests is a major statement that they do not actually care about their parishioners - but rather care about $. But as an outsider you have to look around you and assume that someone has evaluated the situation and said large indoor gatherings were fine.

Oh, I know this struggle. That is part of my work struggle - the messaging/stats/information that we want and need to go out doesn't get out and then media sends something else out too. I'm not a political staffer; I'm a career staffer who just wants correct and safe information distributed. It is very exhausting to work tirelessly on getting out good protocols and information for it not to be shared or modified in a way that is incorrect once released. I'm siting on a conference call right now that is going close to 2 hours now and who even knows if anything that is getting discussed will even get out. Sorry for venting and sidetracking here.

Back to your point, yes I get it. My own parents who live in Florida are very catholic and watch a lot of Fox News; they are back eating out daily and going to church. They think I've got the wrong information and that my job is to "spread political bs" which is very disheartening. I just don't debate them as it isn't worth the time or stress, but I'm for sure not allowing them near my vulnerable infant once born, but this isn't about me but the best interest of my child. I think OP should do what is the best interest of her child and not others given a child can't make informed decisions and that is the responsibility of the parent(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your husband just never gets to see his mother?

He should take your child and leave your crazy self

This, have husband flyout with your child to see his mother.

Please don't take a vulnerable person on a plane right now; OP has stated the child is vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's DC is vulnerable given asthma - they should not be opening their arms as vulnerable populations are still supposed to isolate. This is not a healthy, normal child. This is a higher risk child.

I'm vulnerable given my asthma and am pregnant with SUA + low fetal weight on scans + high risk for pre-term labor + baby has potential heart issue/might need surgery at birth. If my DH invited my MIL without consulting me, I'd actually consider divorce because he is putting my life and the life of child at risk which is appalling to me. Thankfully, he told her she can't visit given the baby issues a month ago and instruction by doctors to not allow visitors indefinitely given heart issue; she was sad but understood.

I think the fact that your DC is vulnerable is what you need to consider the most. How guilty will you, your DH, or even your MIL feel if your DC gets exposed?

Also, to add I have a MPH and work for a federal agency in public health policy who works day in and out on CV-19 response. I might be overly cautious given what I work on daily all day.

I am not the OP - but my mom who is a little older than OPs sits home and listens for Fox News. Remember - the narrative that they have been pushing. A lot of this is based on inconsistent information / what you believe.

The Catholic Churches in VA have opened - even though spread in VA is high. It is really hard to reconcile these data points. Personally - I think the fact that the archdioceses of Arlington was one of the last to address abuse of it's priests is a major statement that they do not actually care about their parishioners - but rather care about $. But as an outsider you have to look around you and assume that someone has evaluated the situation and said large indoor gatherings were fine.

Oh, I know this struggle. That is part of my work struggle - the messaging/stats/information that we want and need to go out doesn't get out and then media sends something else out too. I'm not a political staffer; I'm a career staffer who just wants correct and safe information distributed. It is very exhausting to work tirelessly on getting out good protocols and information for it not to be shared or modified in a way that is incorrect once released. I'm siting on a conference call right now that is going close to 2 hours now and who even knows if anything that is getting discussed will even get out. Sorry for venting and sidetracking here.

Back to your point, yes I get it. My own parents who live in Florida are very catholic and watch a lot of Fox News; they are back eating out daily and going to church. They think I've got the wrong information and that my job is to "spread political bs" which is very disheartening. I just don't debate them as it isn't worth the time or stress, but I'm for sure not allowing them near my vulnerable infant once born, but this isn't about me but the best interest of my child. I think OP should do what is the best interest of her child and not others given a child can't make informed decisions and that is the responsibility of the parent(s).

How is Fox News a factor in this? Anyone with eyeballs can see that the same people who told us for 3 months that we're putting everyone's lives at risk by being closer than 6 feet to ANYONE were apparently lying. Either that, or the curve has suddenly been flattened and large group gatherings are ok again. This isn't a 'I'm watching something different than you" situation - thousands upon thousands of people are gathering together every night and being told it's their right to do so. A week ago, our 'leaders' didn't even give us the right to attend a funeral. Things have changed, and it's not because of talking media heads.

[Anonymous]

OP please just do what is the best interest and safety of your child. That's really it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL hasn’t seen our family since Thanksgiving. She was supposed to visit earlier on the pandemic but her flight was cancelled. Today she woke up crying because she misses our DS and called and told my DH she wants to fly down to visit. He told her to go ahead without consulting me. We have talked about this before and I’ve told him I would prefer for her to drive (she’s 9 hours away and has family at the midpoint so she could stay with them or do a hotel) because everything I’ve read says that flying is a greater risk than driving and I’m pregnant and our DS has asthma, and we have a small condo so she sleeps in the living room and is basically on top of us when she comes. He insists that it’s a short flight and we have to take some risks and I’m not being reasonable. I know my MIL won’t drive because she has serious anxiety and hardly ever drives out of her own county but I asked him to at least communicate to her that flying seems to be riskier than driving and that she needs to take real precautions and to tell her that we would prefer for her to drive. He won’t do it and now says it’s my fault if she won’t visit and that I’m keeping her away from our DS so I can’t complain that we don’t have any help (which isn’t true as she is not able to capably watch DS alone and requires constant hand holding).

So please - honest answers - am I being unreasonable? I am not saying she can’t come, and I think making a preference known is not the same thing as forbidding her from coming...

Yes, this part is unreasonable. If you know her anxiety is so high that it's not even on the table, then bringing it up again as the preferred options is unreasonable.

I don't think anyone should be faulted for not agreeing to have visitors at this time, even family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your husband just never gets to see his mother?

He should take your child and leave your crazy self

This, have husband flyout with your child to see his mother.

Please don't take a vulnerable person on a plane right now; OP has stated the child is vulnerable.

Read the post: Grandma doesn’t care about grandchild’s health. She’s bored! She wants to see her grandson! OP’s husband wants to make his mom happy and pretend that there’s no risk.

I feel bad for OP.

[Anonymous]

Whether or not you’re being unreasonable depends exactly on how much you have been on lockdown. If you are going to grocery stores, gas stations and otherwise socializing with people then yes you’re being unreasonable. If you have been on complete lockdown without seeing anybody, getting your groceries delivered then you were not being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, churches are opening, stores are opening, protestors are allowed to gather in large crowds of thousands.

Can you have MIL stay in a hotel. Visit her with masks with 6' distance?

The 6' distance recommendation is based on the idea that COVID spreads through respiratory droplets. It's looking more and more like COVID is probably airborne, and if so, while six feet may be helpful, it won't eliminate the risk. It's still safer not to visit.

[Anonymous]

Can DH take DC there? If he's WFH, DC ans grabdma bond, DH has childcare, you get peace and silence

Win/win/win in my book