MIL wants to come visit (fly) - am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

No. You call the shots and tell your husband that you will not tolerate any form of blowback either. You need to be crystal clear.

[Anonymous]

You need to have a come to Jesus conversation with your DH. That s*** is not acceptable normally and definitely not during a pandemic.

[Anonymous]

He told her to go ahead

This is the only sentence that matters. Your DH thinks it's ok. I'm sorry he didn't consider your objections, especially beforehand. A case can be made that his decision is reasonable. So whatever.

[Anonymous]

You just sound like you don't like your MIL, which seems to be pretty typical of DCUM in general. Somehow I doubt this would be an issue if it were your mother.

[Anonymous]

Your husband has already invited her. She is a member of the family yes she comes.

When she flies she wears a mask and one of these.https://hardwirellc.com/products/hardwire-face-shield
Have her wash her hands frequently in the airport.

Your mother in law is probably the highest risk of catching something from you in your whole bunch.

Things are opening up. The beaches are slammed. Welcome her with open arms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You would let an older woman drive 9 hours alone. That makes no sense. Be decent and take a trip out to her. Between the two of you, you can do the trip in one day. Flying no.

She is much higher risk of getting in a car accident. Have her fly with protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to all who responded. I feel like I can’t win. DH and his MIL have made up their minds. If I block this, I will reap the consequences in the form of a pissed off husband who will say I’m keeping MIL from DS and I will have a miserable MIL guilting DH constantly which will exacerbate his anger, which had been incredibly acute lately.

Literally my MIL FaceTimes us constantly and complains about how long it’s been since she has seen us and keeps reminding us when the last time she came was on every call. And she tells DS how much she misses him and wants to come visit and asks if he remembers when she came last because “it was so long ago” etc (yes, he remembers). She’s always been like this but the pandemic is making her unhinged. She also wants to fly in when the baby comes to “help” (which means she attempts to play with DS but I suspect will just try to get all the baby snuggles in before handing him over to me for diaper changes and feeds - that’s what happened the first time). But god help me if I point that out to DH.

Well, It has been 8 months since she has seen the family and she is family. If you don't want her flying consider ya'll flying out to see her or drive out and spend a week with her.

[Anonymous]

Whether it's okay or not for her to come is actually secondary. Reasonable people can disagree about what is safe here.

Your husband knew you weren't okay with this and did it anyway without talking to you first.

That is completely unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just sound like you don't like your MIL, which seems to be pretty typical of DCUM in general. Somehow I doubt this would be an issue if it were your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you need a strategy - blame it on the dr. Tell her you called the pediatrician to get a medical professional input and your Dr. said not right now.

This.

You get to decide what level of risk you are willing to take during pregnancy, not her. If you don't feel comfortable with it, don't be bullied into it. Generally when someone feels entitled to trample over your boundaries, things only get worse by giving in to them. And here, it sounds like you have a second battle looming once the baby gets here. Try to be kind, but be firm on this and set your precedent carefully.

[Anonymous]

Get her a motel room in your neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. You call the shots and tell your husband that you will not tolerate any form of blowback either. You need to be crystal clear.

Why does SHE call the shots? That’s not marriage.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think not having her visit is unreasonable. I think that is totally reasonable and what I would do. However, you are ok with the risk her visiting, it is just the method that you object to. Driving for 9 hours has risks - she needs to pee / get food / get gas. She is not 25 and doing 5 hours no break. She will have to stop. Then she is staying in a hotel / motel or with another family. I am really not sure that is much safer / riskier than flying. Airports are pretty empty, she could go and not touch much there. Wipe down her plane seat and only fly on flight with no middle passenger. It would be about the same as the drive.

If this was she can / can’t come. I side with you. If this is method of transportation, I side with DH since it does not that driving is better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He told her to go ahead

This is the only sentence that matters. Your DH thinks it's ok. I'm sorry he didn't consider your objections, especially beforehand. A case can be made that his decision is reasonable. So whatever.

No. He does not get to unilaterally decide, against the wishes of his pregnant wife, that his mother gets to come visit their small apartment during a deadly pandemic. NO. His first priority is to his wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

I would be a hard no on this.