What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want

[Anonymous]

Changing pad poster. I think there’s generally a lot of judging in baby gear purchases and I don’t think it’s far fetched that a woman who is just dropping off items (and loves to brag about a steal) might also fall in this camp. I mean hell, look at this thread. I got judged bc I cared about researching a changing pad.

You’re correct that I misread and it was a mattress pad. (Also, do I need one of those?)

I’m not saying at all that people who easily conceived their kids love them any less. Your conclusion here, I do think, is a stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It's so nice of you to think of me! At this point, I really think I have what I need. With so many people struggling, I don't feel right taking extras and I"m sure there are other families that would really appreciate these Boob Man onesies."

I like this wording!

[Anonymous]

I really feel you OP. I get anxiety with receiving lots of one off clothing items as I have hoarding in my family history.

Onesies in new packaging, hold onto those. Your baby may have a diarreah bout and poop through many of them. Or you can regift the new items to another expectant mommy.

Mary's Center and Martha's Table will accept baby items in new packaging.

If you cant recycle the clothes, use them as cleaning rags for a while then throw them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really feel you OP. I get anxiety with receiving lots of one off clothing items as I have hoarding in my family history.

Onesies in new packaging, hold onto those. Your baby may have a diarreah bout and poop through many of them. Or you can regift the new items to another expectant mommy.

Mary's Center and Martha's Table will accept baby items in new packaging.

If you cant recycle the clothes, use them as cleaning rags for a while then throw them out.

Why should OP have to go through all that when her words can resolve the issue:
“Thanks for thinking of me, Susie, but I don’t need anything else.”

I like the idea of the husband returning them back to the front steps of this neighbor continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Changing pad poster. I think there’s generally a lot of judging in baby gear purchases and I don’t think it’s far fetched that a woman who is just dropping off items (and loves to brag about a steal) might also fall in this camp. I mean hell, look at this thread. I got judged bc I cared about researching a changing pad.

You’re correct that I misread and it was a mattress pad. (Also, do I need one of those?)

I’m not saying at all that people who easily conceived their kids love them any less. Your conclusion here, I do think, is a stretch.

You sound insecure because your friends had kids before you. Nobody is judging you by giving you a mattress pad. And yes, you need one unless you want that precious mattress you picked out to get soaked with spit up and pee. Rather than acting like a know it all, you might listen to your friends who have btdt once in a while. Motherhood will be quite the humbling experience for you.

[Anonymous]

There are hundred of churches who serve low income women and families all over the DC metro area. please start calling and asking wheat their policy is on donations.

Also women's' shelters.

[Anonymous]

Let her know once kindly you don't want it,
After that just donate it. Local catholic church would probably take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Changing pad poster. I think there’s generally a lot of judging in baby gear purchases and I don’t think it’s far fetched that a woman who is just dropping off items (and loves to brag about a steal) might also fall in this camp. I mean hell, look at this thread. I got judged bc I cared about researching a changing pad.

You’re correct that I misread and it was a mattress pad. (Also, do I need one of those?)

I’m not saying at all that people who easily conceived their kids love them any less. Your conclusion here, I do think, is a stretch.

Yes, you need a mattress pad. Get one or a pack of two. Your baby may not spit up/throw up/blow out a lot so wait and see and you may need to buy more. We haven't needed them much but it's been nice to have one and a backup for when that one is in the wash.

I think this whole thread is silly. Just say no, you have what you need.
I've been offered hand me downs that I didn't need/want and I said no. Especially when I was overwhelmed by all the baby stuff taking over my small DC home!
I've offered my daughter's stuff to friends and some say yes and others ask a lot of questions. I just give to the friends that say yes. I also have a coworker who specifically asks me for hand me downs so I give her some stuff every season. Back when I got lots of hand me downs, I offered the stuff where the season didn't match up with my daughter's size to a pregnancy center. They were happy to have it.

[Anonymous]

If you like the friend just suck it up and toss/donate what you don’t want. There’s sure to be a bin somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Re: buying as you go: some things are hard to get online, it's impossible to get to a store with an infant and you are sleep deprived!

I had some choice words for amazon when my sleep training books and coffee were delayed. Same shipment. Still poignant 8 years later!

[Anonymous]

My SIL used us as a place to get rid of all her stuff too. It was a little annoying but in with the stuff I didn't want was often useful stuff that we could use. So we thanked her and donated what we didn't want. But I don't think you can expect someone to sort the wheat from the chaff for you. So you can say "no thanks" but I think you really have to say no to all of it. She can likely find other takers especially if she's a member of these groups - people are still doing contactless drop offs/pick ups - she probably thinks she's being nice.

Your implication that it is somehow gross or shocking that she might be giving you clothes or other things that she got for free is silly. If the stuff hasn't reached the end of its useful life and it is clean (or cleanable), there's nothing wrong with it because someone chose to pass it on for free rather than throw it away. It's a more sustainable choice and we'd all be better off if more of us did this for more stuff - especially kid stuff that you go through so quickly. You don't have to want used stuff, and its fine to want to pick all new stuff and be excited about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong or gross about free stuff either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL used us as a place to get rid of all her stuff too. It was a little annoying but in with the stuff I didn't want was often useful stuff that we could use. So we thanked her and donated what we didn't want. But I don't think you can expect someone to sort the wheat from the chaff for you. So you can say "no thanks" but I think you really have to say no to all of it. She can likely find other takers especially if she's a member of these groups - people are still doing contactless drop offs/pick ups - she probably thinks she's being nice.

Your implication that it is somehow gross or shocking that she might be giving you clothes or other things that she got for free is silly. If the stuff hasn't reached the end of its useful life and it is clean (or cleanable), there's nothing wrong with it because someone chose to pass it on for free rather than throw it away. It's a more sustainable choice and we'd all be better off if more of us did this for more stuff - especially kid stuff that you go through so quickly. You don't have to want used stuff, and its fine to want to pick all new stuff and be excited about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong or gross about free stuff either.

Nobody said it was gross, just that it was unwanted/unsolicited and given in an environment where donation places are closed (which is probably why OPs friend gave it to her in the first place).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changing pad poster. I think there’s generally a lot of judging in baby gear purchases and I don’t think it’s far fetched that a woman who is just dropping off items (and loves to brag about a steal) might also fall in this camp. I mean hell, look at this thread. I got judged bc I cared about researching a changing pad.

You’re correct that I misread and it was a mattress pad. (Also, do I need one of those?)

I’m not saying at all that people who easily conceived their kids love them any less. Your conclusion here, I do think, is a stretch.

You sound insecure because your friends had kids before you. Nobody is judging you by giving you a mattress pad. And yes, you need one unless you want that precious mattress you picked out to get soaked with spit up and pee. Rather than acting like a know it all, you might listen to your friends who have btdt once in a while. Motherhood will be quite the humbling experience for you.

PP. Not sure where you’re reading insecurity. My friends were all in law/Med/biz school, so at 35 we’re actually the second of our friends to have kids. The other friend is an outlier in our group, so nope, no insecurity here.

And to me, a mattress pad is something you put on top of a mattress to make it more comfortable. That seemed contrary to all advice to keep stuff out of the crib. I think you’re talking about a mattress cover, of which I’ve already done some research. If you read my previous posts you’ll see I recommended that OP take the clothes and welcome advice of other moms. I said that has to be balanced with everyone’s desire to do things their own way with their own children. I’ve enlisted family for insight, watched more YouTub “newborn essentials/regrets” videos that I care to admit, and posted a few threads on DCUM seeking help. So while motherhood is humbling for us all, your concluding statement is frankly, hateful.

Yes, you need a mattress pad. Get one or a pack of two. Your baby may not spit up/throw up/blow out a lot so wait and see and you may need to buy more. We haven't needed them much but it's been nice to have one and a backup for when that one is in the wash.

This is from a different poster, but thank you for the advice.

[Anonymous]

Just a thought- if you don’t tell her you don’t need any more stuff and just quietly donate it, what are you going to do when she asks how useful x thing has been, or visits (in future) and sees none of the stuff she gave you? Will you tell her you passed those things on or make some excuse to avoid telling her this? Kindly and politely tell her now instead of setting yourself up for future awkwardness or white lies. (And do it over a phone call not a text or email that tone could be misread on) honesty in your friendship, if practiced kindly, can actually strengthen your relationship.
Ps. I’m a FTM who is almost exclusively relying on hand me down items but I even need to tell people sometimes I don’t need things! I’ve already got a bassinet- thanks so much! Can’t fit much more in my tiny apartment - thanks for thinking of me but I think I’ve got enough crib sheets now! Etc etc.
There are people out there who will really, really appreciate this stuff so it’s nice your friend is making an effort to pass it along - you just aren’t the right person. Hope you can resolve this in a positive way with your friend and hope this baby stuff gets to folks who need it- especially right now this is extra important. And, I also hope you enjoy and have fun with your remaining baby shopping!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very hard to be a minimalist with babies and little kids. If you have a place to stash them away, I’d do that. I had a kid who spit up constantly and we went through bibs like crazy. Clothes that aren’t your taste are also very useful for daycare back up clothes, messy play, etc. I think you can easily turn down the big stuff, but you may find you really need the items she’s gifting. I had 3-4 mattress pads and regularly used them all between laundry days.

+100

Isn't she precious? Minimalist. Barf. She'll learn. See ya in a few months op, humbled.

I have no illusions that the child will be a mess, that things will be very different. But i dont have to keep things I dont want; i will acquire the things we want. Bc of Coronoa I am not being given the opportunity to decline bc she leaves stuff at my front door.

Not OP but I’m a minimalist mom with a two year old now and all his clothes could have fit in one storage box, you can absolutely be a minimalist and care about what you bring in your house, what you dress your kid with, and the bibs you use. Sorry you’re a hoarder.