What to say (if anything) to friend who keeps passing along her baby stuff I dont want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very hard to be a minimalist with babies and little kids. If you have a place to stash them away, I’d do that. I had a kid who spit up constantly and we went through bibs like crazy. Clothes that aren’t your taste are also very useful for daycare back up clothes, messy play, etc. I think you can easily turn down the big stuff, but you may find you really need the items she’s gifting. I had 3-4 mattress pads and regularly used them all between laundry days.

+100

Isn't she precious? Minimalist. Barf. She'll learn. See ya in a few months op, humbled.

I have no illusions that the child will be a mess, that things will be very different. But i dont have to keep things I dont want; i will acquire the things we want. Bc of Coronoa I am not being given the opportunity to decline bc she leaves stuff at my front door.

Fair enough! But we will be here to help out as you learn. I'm here already humbled by people handling teenagers and trying to learn and prepare...

“I only wish I had more clutter!” Said no mom ever.

[Anonymous]

You really think your kid will never wear a onesie just because you don’t love the pattern? Newsflash: you’re going to need a zillion Carter’s onesies with a baby and many will end up with barf and poop stains on them. You will need extras for child care, your diaper bag, the car, etc. None of what she’s giving you sound like things you wouldn’t use and you sound, frankly, whiny and ungrateful. If you don’t want your friends giving you hand me downs, just tell them. Don’t complain to DCUM. You’re not a victim with your friend offloading garbage on you like you’re trying to convey. You’re not communicating yourself to your friend and that’s on you. And also, when you find your newborn going through a zillion onesies in a day in a few months and changing sheets frequently due to puke and blowouts you’ll realize what a diva you sounded like complaining about these hand me downs and maybe you will realize you should have held onto them. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think your kid will never wear a onesie just because you don’t love the pattern? Newsflash: you’re going to need a zillion Carter’s onesies with a baby and many will end up with barf and poop stains on them. You will need extras for child care, your diaper bag, the car, etc. None of what she’s giving you sound like things you wouldn’t use and you sound, frankly, whiny and ungrateful. If you don’t want your friends giving you hand me downs, just tell them. Don’t complain to DCUM. You’re not a victim with your friend offloading garbage on you like you’re trying to convey. You’re not communicating yourself to your friend and that’s on you. And also, when you find your newborn going through a zillion onesies in a day in a few months and changing sheets frequently due to puke and blowouts you’ll realize what a diva you sounded like complaining about these hand me downs and maybe you will realize you should have held onto them. Sheesh.

This is so stupid. People are allowed to not like things. Yeah kids go through a lot of onesies, but guess what? I still don't want to look at ugly ones even if they're covered in poop. Or onesies that have gross sayings on them. Having kids doesn't have to mean completely sacrificing all sense of taste or preferences.

-mom of 3 who has managed thus far to never put my kid in a "lady killer" onesie that someone gave us

[Anonymous]

You’ll use that crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really think your kid will never wear a onesie just because you don’t love the pattern? Newsflash: you’re going to need a zillion Carter’s onesies with a baby and many will end up with barf and poop stains on them. You will need extras for child care, your diaper bag, the car, etc. None of what she’s giving you sound like things you wouldn’t use and you sound, frankly, whiny and ungrateful. If you don’t want your friends giving you hand me downs, just tell them. Don’t complain to DCUM. You’re not a victim with your friend offloading garbage on you like you’re trying to convey. You’re not communicating yourself to your friend and that’s on you. And also, when you find your newborn going through a zillion onesies in a day in a few months and changing sheets frequently due to puke and blowouts you’ll realize what a diva you sounded like complaining about these hand me downs and maybe you will realize you should have held onto them. Sheesh.

I completely disagree with this. My babies were born at 8 pounds but quickly jumped to the 99th percentile for height. I got so many 3 month and 6 month and 9 month onesies as gifts or hand me downs - we probably used only 10% of them because each size only fit for a few weeks. We went through sizes so fast it was overwhelming to deal with all the extra clothes. I wish I hadn’t listened to the people like PP who claimed that “of course” I would need SO MANY clothes. Wrong!

It is not helpful to have tons of clothes to store. Same for a bunch of baby toys and gear. I ended up donating most of it completely unused by me.

It’s so much better to get a only a few things ahead of time and then just buy what you need as you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll use that crap.

No, you won’t.

- signed mom of 3

[Anonymous]

I don’t get it. Just tell her directly that you really appreciate the items she’s given you already but you don’t want any more stuff right now. Tell her you appreciate it so much but they can go to another new baby. You don’t need to explain beyond that. Just be nice and direct. We are all adults here!

[Anonymous]

She’s leaving things at your doorstep and then texting?

Oh hell no.

First text this asap:
“I appreciate you thinking of me with the baby items. We’re good right now and don’t need anything. Please share with someone else.”

Then, if she ignores and continues to drop things off, have your spouse take them right back to her doorstep and text her “Again, we’re good with the baby items. Just dropping these back off so you can share with someone else. —Sally”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you'l come across as ungrateful and snobby. Sorry.

I am one who loved to get hand me downs. I passed my hand me downs to others who liked getting them - I know because she put her kids in my kids old clothes.

Just take them to Salvation Army or goodwill.

NP here. You literally cannot take these things to a donation center right now. As OP mentioned in her post.

OP here, that is my point. In normal circumstances I would say nothing and donate anything I didnt want but the places I know are closed. And the two parking lot clothing depositories near us are gone.

Amid Corona, I want to stop the random texts of "I left some stuff outside your front door." I think I will say something next time. I get it kids are messy etc etc. But we have a lot of stuff already. I am in the 3rd trimester I have already read the pregnancy books.

Oof, unsolicited drop-off donations would be annoying even in non-covid times; now, it’s just nuts.

Tell this woman (if she actually does this again) that you’re all set for clothes and everything for now, and that you’ve run out of space for extra stuff, and like “thanks so much for thinking of me, I hope you understand!”

This. This lady is using you as a recycling bin. Just tell her thank you but you can no longer accept donations due to limited space and you have all the baby stuff you require.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ll use that crap.

No, you won’t.

- signed mom of 3

Uh, I posted that and I also have kids. You never threw on a crappy bib or onesie at home, if something got puked on, to send to daycare etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ll use that crap.

No, you won’t.

- signed mom of 3

Uh, I posted that and I also have kids. You never threw on a crappy bib or onesie at home, if something got puked on, to send to daycare etc?

I probably used a tiny fraction of the hand-me downs we got. My kids outgrew stuff super fast and were wearing 2T by their first birthday. We had brand new clothes we didn’t get a chance to wear, so no, I never needed to use stained or ugly hand-me down onesies. There’s also a lot of impractical baby stuff out there - button up rompers for starters. I’m just saying, it’s not necessary to stock up on tons of baby clothes.

It was much easier to start with less and add as needed. Then, at least you’ll have an idea of what you like and what’s completely useless to you. I ended up donating bags and bags of clothes I got from well meaning friends because my kids outgrew those sizes before I could use them. It’s much better to wait and see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. Just tell her directly that you really appreciate the items she’s given you already but you don’t want any more stuff right now. Tell her you appreciate it so much but they can go to another new baby. You don’t need to explain beyond that. Just be nice and direct. We are all adults here!

This. If she doesn't get it, add "I just can't bring anything else into the house right now."

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the baby stuff - I think we're all set now. Anything else you give me I'd just pass along so please go ahead and pass any more things on to someone else.

[Anonymous]

You should see if she wants the stuff back before giving it away. (You said she likes to also receive hand me downs.)

And just tell her politely that you don’t need anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really think your kid will never wear a onesie just because you don’t love the pattern? Newsflash: you’re going to need a zillion Carter’s onesies with a baby and many will end up with barf and poop stains on them. You will need extras for child care, your diaper bag, the car, etc. None of what she’s giving you sound like things you wouldn’t use and you sound, frankly, whiny and ungrateful. If you don’t want your friends giving you hand me downs, just tell them. Don’t complain to DCUM. You’re not a victim with your friend offloading garbage on you like you’re trying to convey. You’re not communicating yourself to your friend and that’s on you. And also, when you find your newborn going through a zillion onesies in a day in a few months and changing sheets frequently due to puke and blowouts you’ll realize what a diva you sounded like complaining about these hand me downs and maybe you will realize you should have held onto them. Sheesh.

I completely disagree with this. My babies were born at 8 pounds but quickly jumped to the 99th percentile for height. I got so many 3 month and 6 month and 9 month onesies as gifts or hand me downs - we probably used only 10% of them because each size only fit for a few weeks. We went through sizes so fast it was overwhelming to deal with all the extra clothes. I wish I hadn’t listened to the people like PP who claimed that “of course” I would need SO MANY clothes. Wrong!

It is not helpful to have tons of clothes to store. Same for a bunch of baby toys and gear. I ended up donating most of it completely unused by me.

It’s so much better to get a only a few things ahead of time and then just buy what you need as you go.

Most kids don’t jump sizes that fast. That was your experience but it’s not necessarily typical or normal growth for other people’s kids.