How are your 3/4/5 year olds handling this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4yo DD has started having near daily potty accidents after having been fully trained for over a year. Tantrums have become frequent and brutal. She's generally a happy, easy-going kid. DH and I both WOH full-time, so she's used to all day daycare/preschool. She's very much an extrovert and thrives off of play with others.
DH and I both have to WFH full-time now. We are both on telecons half the day, and she is desperate for attention. We are trying to alternate who takes over keeping her occupied and happy, but, after nearly 5 weeks, it is starting to take a toll on all of us. She misses her grandparents tremendously. She's gone from seeing them weekly to only via FaceTime, and it just isn't the same for her. She asks repeatedly when she can play with her friends again, and she's starting to show some fear of other people she sees when we are outside on walks or playing in the yard. We don't watch the news or discuss COVID around her. Yes, I do worry very much about the long-term impacts to these young children.

Really? I worry about the long term impact of the kids I see sleeping on medians in the countries I travel to. I worry about the long term impact of kids in abusive homes here in the United States. I worry about the long term impact of the kids who have been brutalized by wars all over the middle east, about the kids in detention centers at our borders. I do not worry about the long term impact of Larla not being able to see her grandparents in person for a few months, or missing her dance class or whatever. Please get a grip. Your child is fed, clothed, safe, warm, has toys and probably an Ipad, access to hundred of miles of clean and lovely hiking and biking trails, parents who are alive and safe who love her, grandparents who are alive and safe who love her, teachers who check in on her, Door Dash, Amazon, Disney+, Netflix, Spotify...

This is change, transition, something different than what they are accustomed to. This is different, and different can be hard. But the things you are describing are not devastating, not trauma, not hardship.

I'm the PP you are responding to. Back off. Yes, I worry about those children, too. But this is MY child. I have severe anxiety issues, brought on in part by things I saw and experienced as a very young child. Yes, I do worry about the implications of some of this in my kid because I don't want such experiences to set off anxiety issues in her in the long run. I know first hand how awful it is to live with an anxiety disorder. We are doing everything we can to shelter my DD and keep things as normal as possible for her, but she's very sensitive, as was I, so...yes, as her mother, I'm concerned.

You might be surprised to learn that I can worry about my own child in this way while also having deep empathy for others in far worse situations. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

OP specifically said that it is "breaking her heart" to have to "crush" her 4 year old to tell her that her "beloved" music class is being held over Zoom. Meanwhile, said 4 year old seems fine, and just matter-of-factly says we can't do it because of the germs.

Sounds like the kid is doing much better than OP and that, if anything, OP is the one causing anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4yo DD has started having near daily potty accidents after having been fully trained for over a year. Tantrums have become frequent and brutal. She's generally a happy, easy-going kid. DH and I both WOH full-time, so she's used to all day daycare/preschool. She's very much an extrovert and thrives off of play with others.
DH and I both have to WFH full-time now. We are both on telecons half the day, and she is desperate for attention. We are trying to alternate who takes over keeping her occupied and happy, but, after nearly 5 weeks, it is starting to take a toll on all of us. She misses her grandparents tremendously. She's gone from seeing them weekly to only via FaceTime, and it just isn't the same for her. She asks repeatedly when she can play with her friends again, and she's starting to show some fear of other people she sees when we are outside on walks or playing in the yard. We don't watch the news or discuss COVID around her. Yes, I do worry very much about the long-term impacts to these young children.

Really? I worry about the long term impact of the kids I see sleeping on medians in the countries I travel to. I worry about the long term impact of kids in abusive homes here in the United States. I worry about the long term impact of the kids who have been brutalized by wars all over the middle east, about the kids in detention centers at our borders. I do not worry about the long term impact of Larla not being able to see her grandparents in person for a few months, or missing her dance class or whatever. Please get a grip. Your child is fed, clothed, safe, warm, has toys and probably an Ipad, access to hundred of miles of clean and lovely hiking and biking trails, parents who are alive and safe who love her, grandparents who are alive and safe who love her, teachers who check in on her, Door Dash, Amazon, Disney+, Netflix, Spotify...

This is change, transition, something different than what they are accustomed to. This is different, and different can be hard. But the things you are describing are not devastating, not trauma, not hardship.

I'm the PP you are responding to. Back off. Yes, I worry about those children, too. But this is MY child. I have severe anxiety issues, brought on in part by things I saw and experienced as a very young child. Yes, I do worry about the implications of some of this in my kid because I don't want such experiences to set off anxiety issues in her in the long run. I know first hand how awful it is to live with an anxiety disorder. We are doing everything we can to shelter my DD and keep things as normal as possible for her, but she's very sensitive, as was I, so...yes, as her mother, I'm concerned.

You might be surprised to learn that I can worry about my own child in this way while also having deep empathy for others in far worse situations. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

OP specifically said that it is "breaking her heart" to have to "crush" her 4 year old to tell her that her "beloved" music class is being held over Zoom. Meanwhile, said 4 year old seems fine, and just matter-of-factly says we can't do it because of the germs.

Sounds like the kid is doing much better than OP and that, if anything, OP is the one causing anxiety.

+1!

[Anonymous]

My kid is 4 and is ok. More whining and she misses her friends. But she has gotten to spend a lot more time with us and her baby sister and is being a very good big sister lately. We have a big yard and do a lot of gardening and do trail hikes early on weekends 9am or before for exploration and try for woodsy trails with no one on them. FaceTime with her friends is always follows by a reminder that she can't see them so it's not always a good thing. We do reading dates via FaceTime with grandparents and that goes well.
We don't have the news on not discuss coronavirus with her. We just say that some people are not feeling well and school is closed to be cleaned and until people are better. She doesn't ask any questions about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4yo DD has started having near daily potty accidents after having been fully trained for over a year. Tantrums have become frequent and brutal. She's generally a happy, easy-going kid. DH and I both WOH full-time, so she's used to all day daycare/preschool. She's very much an extrovert and thrives off of play with others.
DH and I both have to WFH full-time now. We are both on telecons half the day, and she is desperate for attention. We are trying to alternate who takes over keeping her occupied and happy, but, after nearly 5 weeks, it is starting to take a toll on all of us. She misses her grandparents tremendously. She's gone from seeing them weekly to only via FaceTime, and it just isn't the same for her. She asks repeatedly when she can play with her friends again, and she's starting to show some fear of other people she sees when we are outside on walks or playing in the yard. We don't watch the news or discuss COVID around her. Yes, I do worry very much about the long-term impacts to these young children.

Really? I worry about the long term impact of the kids I see sleeping on medians in the countries I travel to. I worry about the long term impact of kids in abusive homes here in the United States. I worry about the long term impact of the kids who have been brutalized by wars all over the middle east, about the kids in detention centers at our borders. I do not worry about the long term impact of Larla not being able to see her grandparents in person for a few months, or missing her dance class or whatever. Please get a grip. Your child is fed, clothed, safe, warm, has toys and probably an Ipad, access to hundred of miles of clean and lovely hiking and biking trails, parents who are alive and safe who love her, grandparents who are alive and safe who love her, teachers who check in on her, Door Dash, Amazon, Disney+, Netflix, Spotify...

This is change, transition, something different than what they are accustomed to. This is different, and different can be hard. But the things you are describing are not devastating, not trauma, not hardship.

I'm the PP you are responding to. Back off. Yes, I worry about those children, too. But this is MY child. I have severe anxiety issues, brought on in part by things I saw and experienced as a very young child. Yes, I do worry about the implications of some of this in my kid because I don't want such experiences to set off anxiety issues in her in the long run. I know first hand how awful it is to live with an anxiety disorder. We are doing everything we can to shelter my DD and keep things as normal as possible for her, but she's very sensitive, as was I, so...yes, as her mother, I'm concerned.

You might be surprised to learn that I can worry about my own child in this way while also having deep empathy for others in far worse situations. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

OP specifically said that it is "breaking her heart" to have to "crush" her 4 year old to tell her that her "beloved" music class is being held over Zoom. Meanwhile, said 4 year old seems fine, and just matter-of-factly says we can't do it because of the germs.

Sounds like the kid is doing much better than OP and that, if anything, OP is the one causing anxiety.

OP: My kid was upset about something and that made me sad
DCUM: You're giving your kid anxiety!

[Anonymous]

My 5 year old misses her friends but is entirely overwhelmed by any video chat or zoom. We live in an apartment and I’ve been trying to walk with her each day, but she’s starting to refuse to leave home if we can’t go to playground. Also very emotional and needs a high level of interaction to feel ok. I’m laid off right now but do have a few tasks beyond household needs so sometimes my attention is divided. Her dad is working from our bedroom and often on calls. The not wanting to go outside troubles me as she’s normally very physically active and loves biking or walking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 3.5 year old is acting pretty normally (even-keeled much of the time; wild mood swings at other times!). He doesn’t seem to be missing his nanny or preschool very much. The biggest issue is a lot of fighting with his little sister, who started walking and encroaching on his space during quarantine. He’s starting pre-k in the fall, so I’m a little concerned about how he will handle that. I don’t think he’s going to get to have a proper goodbye (or a goodbye at all) to his preschool friends and teachers.

HE doesn’t need a “proper” goodbye but I can appreciate how mom might miss that.

How do you know what he needs? Kids do benefit from having closure too, just like adults.

At preschool age he’s probably already forgotten. Kids that age are very in the immediate.

Maybe for most kids...my 5 year old still vividly remembers things that happened when he was 2 and will talk about instances from years ago w no prompting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 3.5 year old is acting pretty normally (even-keeled much of the time; wild mood swings at other times!). He doesn’t seem to be missing his nanny or preschool very much. The biggest issue is a lot of fighting with his little sister, who started walking and encroaching on his space during quarantine. He’s starting pre-k in the fall, so I’m a little concerned about how he will handle that. I don’t think he’s going to get to have a proper goodbye (or a goodbye at all) to his preschool friends and teachers.

HE doesn’t need a “proper” goodbye but I can appreciate how mom might miss that.

How do you know what he needs? Kids do benefit from having closure too, just like adults.

At preschool age he’s probably already forgotten. Kids that age are very in the immediate.

Maybe for most kids...my 5 year old still vividly remembers things that happened when he was 2 and will talk about instances from years ago w no prompting.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My almost 2YO and 5YO seem to be regressing. 5YO has ADHD and mild social/emotional issues and although we're trying our best, we're still WAH FT so he isn't getting the attention he needs. And he isn't getting the services called for by his IEP.

Is anyone thinking about red-shirting their rising K kid, particularly if he has a challenge or diagnosis? His birthday is in January, so would this be a non-starter in MCPS?

I’m sorry PP. We have 2 boys those ages and while our oldest doesn’t have an official diagnosis, he has some behavioral issues that crop up when not in a good routine. He does SO well with check lists and knowing that we can do x at this time and y at that time. Now with DH and I trying to work from home and take various meetings and deal with deadlines, the days are blurring together. I am seeing the behavioral issues (lashing out at his younger brother, angry crying, storming off, etc.) the longer this goes on. It doesn’t help that his little brother is getting into his “stuff” even though I try to separate them sometimes. But there is only so much I can do to stop a toddler that wants to be with his big brother. I can’t lock the 2 year old away all day in our small house.

First PP here. Thanks, PP. Good luck to you! I've been wanting to do a more structured schedule and checklist and sadly, haven't made the time to sit down and do it. I'm so beat by the time they're in bed, and then I still have household items to do and emails to catch up on. I'm forcing myself to get it done this evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 yo is fine because we are fine. He has a great life. He has me all day around, and basically unlimited time on electronics. When I’m free from work for a bit, we are spending a ton of time together outside in the nice weather we’ve been having. He talks to his cousins and grandparents on the phone more than usual. Maybe once a week we will dial into a pre school circle time to say hi to everyone. We are doing more together than we have, because he’s with me all day, and because literally every weekend there’s a new outdoor adventure. This is NOT TRAUMA for a five year old or four year old, and especially not for a theee year old! Sheesh. These kids are young. What they need most in life is to feel secure, and they feel the most secure with their parents. But getting to hang around all day with mom and/or dad, lots of outdoor adventures, loads of new toys for Easter plus new games on the iPad, and also a new bike on the way? If it’s trauma, it’s the most privileged trauma ever.

Tell that to my 5 year old who has not been able to hug her father for 5 weeks, and is not able to live with her father for the past 3 weeks b/c he is an ICU physician. Privilege is assuming that the world is experiencing everything in the same way that you are.

Np: your child isn’t in the same position - your situation is, probably, affecting their sense of security. Surely, you see the difference between a missed class (not devastating/tragic) and missing one’s parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4yo DD has started having near daily potty accidents after having been fully trained for over a year. Tantrums have become frequent and brutal. She's generally a happy, easy-going kid. DH and I both WOH full-time, so she's used to all day daycare/preschool. She's very much an extrovert and thrives off of play with others.
DH and I both have to WFH full-time now. We are both on telecons half the day, and she is desperate for attention. We are trying to alternate who takes over keeping her occupied and happy, but, after nearly 5 weeks, it is starting to take a toll on all of us. She misses her grandparents tremendously. She's gone from seeing them weekly to only via FaceTime, and it just isn't the same for her. She asks repeatedly when she can play with her friends again, and she's starting to show some fear of other people she sees when we are outside on walks or playing in the yard. We don't watch the news or discuss COVID around her. Yes, I do worry very much about the long-term impacts to these young children.

Really? I worry about the long term impact of the kids I see sleeping on medians in the countries I travel to. I worry about the long term impact of kids in abusive homes here in the United States. I worry about the long term impact of the kids who have been brutalized by wars all over the middle east, about the kids in detention centers at our borders. I do not worry about the long term impact of Larla not being able to see her grandparents in person for a few months, or missing her dance class or whatever. Please get a grip. Your child is fed, clothed, safe, warm, has toys and probably an Ipad, access to hundred of miles of clean and lovely hiking and biking trails, parents who are alive and safe who love her, grandparents who are alive and safe who love her, teachers who check in on her, Door Dash, Amazon, Disney+, Netflix, Spotify...

This is change, transition, something different than what they are accustomed to. This is different, and different can be hard. But the things you are describing are not devastating, not trauma, not hardship.

I'm the PP you are responding to. Back off. Yes, I worry about those children, too. But this is MY child. I have severe anxiety issues, brought on in part by things I saw and experienced as a very young child. Yes, I do worry about the implications of some of this in my kid because I don't want such experiences to set off anxiety issues in her in the long run. I know first hand how awful it is to live with an anxiety disorder. We are doing everything we can to shelter my DD and keep things as normal as possible for her, but she's very sensitive, as was I, so...yes, as her mother, I'm concerned.

You might be surprised to learn that I can worry about my own child in this way while also having deep empathy for others in far worse situations. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

Ding ding ding. Parent has anxiety issues, therefore child picks up on them and develops her own anxiety issues. I suspect most of the children being described on here who are “devastated” by the “trauma” of missing preschool and music and gym class are the children of depressed and anxiety-ridden parents. The parents don’t know how to be resilient and grateful for what they have and how to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. They have no coping skills to pass on to their children. It is what it is.

I too, am worried about the abused kids. They no longer have school as an escape. I donated to House of Ruth and DC Volunteer Lawyers

[Anonymous]

4yo DD has started having near daily potty accidents after having been fully trained for over a year. Tantrums have become frequent and brutal. She's generally a happy, easy-going kid. DH and I both WOH full-time, so she's used to all day daycare/preschool. She's very much an extrovert and thrives off of play with others.
DH and I both have to WFH full-time now. We are both on telecons half the day, and she is desperate for attention. We are trying to alternate who takes over keeping her occupied and happy, but, after nearly 5 weeks, it is starting to take a toll on all of us. She misses her grandparents tremendously. She's gone from seeing them weekly to only via FaceTime, and it just isn't the same for her. She asks repeatedly when she can play with her friends again, and she's starting to show some fear of other people she sees when we are outside on walks or playing in the yard. We don't watch the news or discuss COVID around her. Yes, I do worry very much about the long-term impacts to these young children.

My 4 yo DD is having a very similar reaction, except that instead of acting scared of people when we're out, she is overly friendly to the point of being aggressively friendly - she just wants to interact with people so badly! that said, I'm not worried about the long term impact on her - more just frustrated by the day to day of balancing WFH full time while constantly feeling like I'm not meeting DD's needs. I think she will be ok, though she's already very young for a rising kindergartener this fall (makes the cut off by two weeks) and isn't particularly mature as it is, so I am mildly worried about her being behind when she starts kindergarten in the fall given the months of limited social interaction, more screen time, and yes, potty accidents for us too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5 year old misses her friends but is entirely overwhelmed by any video chat or zoom. We live in an apartment and I’ve been trying to walk with her each day, but she’s starting to refuse to leave home if we can’t go to playground. Also very emotional and needs a high level of interaction to feel ok. I’m laid off right now but do have a few tasks beyond household needs so sometimes my attention is divided. Her dad is working from our bedroom and often on calls. The not wanting to go outside troubles me as she’s normally very physically active and loves biking or walking.

My almost 4 year old always says she doesn't want to go, and I have to force her to put on real clothes and go outside, and then immediately she perks up and wants to stay outside, keep walking, or keep playing. You didn't ask for advice, but I force outdoor time (sometimes for my own mental health), and once we're out, the kids love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:4yo DD has started having near daily potty accidents after having been fully trained for over a year. Tantrums have become frequent and brutal. She's generally a happy, easy-going kid. DH and I both WOH full-time, so she's used to all day daycare/preschool. She's very much an extrovert and thrives off of play with others.
DH and I both have to WFH full-time now. We are both on telecons half the day, and she is desperate for attention. We are trying to alternate who takes over keeping her occupied and happy, but, after nearly 5 weeks, it is starting to take a toll on all of us. She misses her grandparents tremendously. She's gone from seeing them weekly to only via FaceTime, and it just isn't the same for her. She asks repeatedly when she can play with her friends again, and she's starting to show some fear of other people she sees when we are outside on walks or playing in the yard. We don't watch the news or discuss COVID around her. Yes, I do worry very much about the long-term impacts to these young children.

Really? I worry about the long term impact of the kids I see sleeping on medians in the countries I travel to. I worry about the long term impact of kids in abusive homes here in the United States. I worry about the long term impact of the kids who have been brutalized by wars all over the middle east, about the kids in detention centers at our borders. I do not worry about the long term impact of Larla not being able to see her grandparents in person for a few months, or missing her dance class or whatever. Please get a grip. Your child is fed, clothed, safe, warm, has toys and probably an Ipad, access to hundred of miles of clean and lovely hiking and biking trails, parents who are alive and safe who love her, grandparents who are alive and safe who love her, teachers who check in on her, Door Dash, Amazon, Disney+, Netflix, Spotify...

This is change, transition, something different than what they are accustomed to. This is different, and different can be hard. But the things you are describing are not devastating, not trauma, not hardship.

I'm the PP you are responding to. Back off. Yes, I worry about those children, too. But this is MY child. I have severe anxiety issues, brought on in part by things I saw and experienced as a very young child. Yes, I do worry about the implications of some of this in my kid because I don't want such experiences to set off anxiety issues in her in the long run. I know first hand how awful it is to live with an anxiety disorder. We are doing everything we can to shelter my DD and keep things as normal as possible for her, but she's very sensitive, as was I, so...yes, as her mother, I'm concerned.

You might be surprised to learn that I can worry about my own child in this way while also having deep empathy for others in far worse situations. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

Ding ding ding. Parent has anxiety issues, therefore child picks up on them and develops her own anxiety issues. I suspect most of the children being described on here who are “devastated” by the “trauma” of missing preschool and music and gym class are the children of depressed and anxiety-ridden parents. The parents don’t know how to be resilient and grateful for what they have and how to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. They have no coping skills to pass on to their children. It is what it is.

I too, am worried about the abused kids. They no longer have school as an escape. I donated to House of Ruth and DC Volunteer Lawyers

PP here, not OP. Yes, I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, but I do not subject my DD to those feelings and emotions. I DO NOT want her growing up that way. Nowhere in my post did I describe my child as devastated or traumatized. You have no idea of my coping skills or resilience in life. Please dont paint with such a broad brush. I couldn't care less about my DD missing classes right now.
I am concerned that she seems to have some fear of encountering others outside now. I am concerned about exactly how we go from "everyone is staying away from each other and staying home so that we all stay safe from the virus" to "oh, it is all ok now, no big deal" when life resumes some sense of normalcy. She's already asked me if her grandparents are going to die if we go visit them, if her friends are sick, if she is sick, what happens to her if we get sick, etc. Those are my concerns, not if she is traumatized by missing swim class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Particularly those used to going to pre-k or k...

My 4 year old is doing suprisingly okay. She seems to get what’s going on and that she can’t see her friends because of the germs. From time to time though I think reality hits her. The first time she realized her beloved music class would be by Zoom she broke down. Whenever she asks to do something and the takes a beat and then says “oh we can’t cause of the germs.” It’s breaking my heart.

Like everyone else I want things to get back to normal soon... but mostly so I don’t have to crush my kid anymore . I’m not religious but I’m praying for a vaccine ASAP so all of this can end.

Op, your kid is not “crushed.” If she behaves as such, it’s because she’s picking up on your neurosis

There will not be a vaccine before we go back to normal.

She won’t even remember this in 5 years.

Go look up trauma response for children who’ve experienced natural disasters... she may not remember, but our children will almost certainly be affected by this. There will be significant variation, but we’re foing to have a generation of children who have even more trauma than before.

Missing music class is not a natural disaster, pp, not is it a trauma, unless op turns it into one. It’s a first world problem if ever there was one. And no, a 4 year old absolutely will not be affected by this. Sorry.

I don’t know who needs to hear this— obviously pp — but it’s okay to experience feelings of sadness and acknowledge your emotions, even if they don’t meet your clinical definition of “trauma.” Even if they’re first world problems.
Developing Emotional intelligence starts at birth and I feel sorry for your children if you’re denying them the opportunity to feel sad or lost about their entire world turning upside down because of a disease that’s killing thousands (including possibly their own family or friends) just because it’s not “traumatic.”

And it’s parent’s responsibility to teach kids to handle such crises as music class being cancelled for a few weeks, without dissolving into tears on a daily basis. This is how pampered snowflakes are born. What about a little empathy for the kids music teacher or studio, who may be permanently out of work? Everything is not me-me-me and my problems, and yes, that skill has to be taught. I feel sorry for your kids if you encourage all this navel gazing and marinating in how we “feel” all day.

Hey PP you're such a snowflake. What compels you to criticize some random parents for caring about the feelings of their own children? You're obviously feeling a lot of anger and frustration right now. You should try to address that before lashing out at others.

[Anonymous]

Some posters are incapable of understanding nuance.

It's okay to worry about our privileged children who have lost their sense of normalcy. Yes, they are safe and will probably not remember this time. That doesn't invalidate moments of sadness, anxiety, or frustration. Same goes for us parents.

It's also okay to worry about the state of the world and all of the children who are not safe. I worry about all of the families who are going hungry right now. I worry about all of the parents who are losing their jobs and their insurance. I try to do the best I can to help my own child and those who are already disenfranchised by a cynical world.

Finding perspective is so healthy and also encourages us to help others in need. But we can't go through life comparing ourselves to Anne Frank.