Why do ppl “stay for the kids?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t trust my husband to keep my kids safe if he had joint custody. Long story and he has issues but that’s why I’m sticking this out until they’re old enough to keep themselves safe. C

Same here. He doesn’t believe his symptoms or his diagnosis. He drives the young kids up a wall and can’t handle them at all. It’s like they all meltdown together multiple times a day if he’s the only adult around/ I’m working/ I’m sick, etc. It’s scary and sad.

Maybe he wouldn't want physical custody then?

Someone in denial of his actual symptoms AND diagnosis has some real issues and will not improve. His ego is driving that and his ego will drive his battle for custody, money, retribution to protect his ego and image at all costs. He already is ruining his marriage and home life because of his ego, it will be balls to the wall for divorce time.

These are the costliest divorces to litigate: $10,000s of bills, tests, parenting classes, litigating, lying, time, hold-ups, more lies, etc.
It takes a real toll on the other spouse. I hate to say it, but I would tell a friend or client to "let it go" and get out later when kids are older or out of the house. Meanwhile, see a good therapist that deals with forms of abuse and his diagnosis. Individual therapist will also help you decide next steps and when.

[Anonymous]

P.S. after a few months or more of individual therapy, if you feel strong enough and are thinking clearing (and seeing his behavior for what it truly is), then either be strategic about the divorce asap, or just serve him the papers and buckle up.

[Anonymous]

My parents did and distaste.

My brother and his wife twenty five years ruined their only child. Repeat from my parents mess,

[Anonymous]

There are marriages where people comment they hate the other person, haven't had sex in half a decade, sleep in separate rooms and have been generally miserable for years. There's NO way the children are fooled.

Nah. That was us. We didn't have any open fights. Kids were totally blindsided.

[Anonymous]

Because I don’t trust him with our child. His moods are volatile and unpredictable and scary. I can’t leave my child alone with him 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Because DD2 is a junior in high school and it seems cruel to make her switch schools, but both of us want to move to different places outside our school district.

It takes time to prep our house to sell, and I am really concerned about the coming recession wrecking our home value. We get along fine and don't want to lose a ton of money. Divorce is expensive as it is. The kids know we are in marriage counseling and I don't feel we are lying to them. The decision to divorce is not final, and in the long run they will appreciate staying in the same school and not having our finances wrecked by a bad home sale.