Do I have a right to be upset with my 25 year old DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For context of my comment... I'm only a decade older than your daughter. I'd say something simple and in passing to her, like, "Everyone missed you at Grandma's birthday. I hope you made time to call her and let her know you were thinking of her."

As the daughter, I'd ignore this passive-aggressive comment and change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Wow I’m shocked. Maybe because I’m an immigrant, but I would never miss a grandparents or great grandparents birthday and fully expecting my kids to so the same. She is 25 and can deal for a bit even if she’s bored. I teach my kids family above all else. I’m just so shocked people are saying to let her live her life and not be upset. She should have been there without a doubt.

[Anonymous]

You have a right to feel however you want, but don’t be passive aggressive about it, and don’t let it impact your relationship with your daughter. She’s an adult and can make her own decisions about how to spend her time, as can you.

[Anonymous]

Are you worried that your mother will think it reflects poorly on you? Will you get flak for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context of my comment... I'm only a decade older than your daughter. I'd say something simple and in passing to her, like, "Everyone missed you at Grandma's birthday. I hope you made time to call her and let her know you were thinking of her."

As the daughter, I'd ignore this passive-aggressive comment and change the subject.

The face that its not framed as a question implies that there's no need for a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context of my comment... I'm only a decade older than your daughter. I'd say something simple and in passing to her, like, "Everyone missed you at Grandma's birthday. I hope you made time to call her and let her know you were thinking of her."

As the daughter, I'd ignore this passive-aggressive comment and change the subject.

As a daughter, I would take this to heart and reconsider my choice in terms of next time. Not everyone responds to these comments the way you do. I personally know that when my mom says stuff like this, she comes from a place of caring. We all make mistakes and sometimes having a loved one call us out on it makes us better people. No one’s perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) That other PP nailed it, you are disappointed because she's showing you her values, and they conflict with yours.

2) Sure be disappointed, as you should be

3) However; at that age they are clueless about Grandma's time-being-short etc, so don't get TOO disappointed.

4) Likely, though, there was someone at the St. Pat's party she has a thing for, and that is why she opted out.

5) Please give feedback (you will always be her mom, so you always have a right to give unsolicited feedback!) but you have to make it EFFECTIVE. So make it constructive:

I'd just say something like, since you didn't come to the party, if you could please send Grandma a card (or call her; whatever).

Please do NOT say "Grandma was hurt you didn't come" or "Grandma noticed you were not there" because you are now negatively impacting whatever relationship DD and Grandma have with each other. If you HAVE to comment, say "I wished you had come" but even better, "I wished you had been there, but maybe next time!"

I'm just saying, don't focus on telling her how you wished she had taken a different path....just invite her down the path you would like her to take the next time.

Np I disagree with this. When your kids are adults and they don't ask you for your opinion than you shouldn't give it. For example at age 50, if I do something my mom never would have ( like dye my hair a fun color) she will mention her disapproval. I think at age 50 I have the right not to hear her opinion on something that does not affect her at all. I plan not to be like her in that regard.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer depends in part on what kind of relationship you all had to begin with. I worshiped my grandma. I would have moved mountains to come see her. I can't imagine missing her birthday or any other important occasion. But we had a very special relationship. If your DD isn't especially close to her grandma, it may not be a big deal. If she is, then she blew it and you can certainly express that you hope she makes a different choice next time.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the relationship like?

I would've dropped everything for my maternal grandma, who helped to raise me.

My paternal grandmother, who strongly preferred my uncle and his children, to the point of quitting her job to babysit them while she never even remembered my birthday, who repeatedly told us that "once you have a baby in the family, you will never love your first child the same way, you'll see" (my poor dad was the first child in this scenario)... Nope, wouldn't even have canceled a casual Friday night on the couch to come.

[Anonymous]

Do what my mom did and bottle it up and send her a letter one day detailing all the times she’s disappointed you!


But seriously I know you’re disappointed but back off on this one. There’s a few good reads about navigating the adult mother/daughter relationships. You can do more harm than good if you continue to express disappointment and get upset over choices she makes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context of my comment... I'm only a decade older than your daughter. I'd say something simple and in passing to her, like, "Everyone missed you at Grandma's birthday. I hope you made time to call her and let her know you were thinking of her."

As the daughter, I'd ignore this passive-aggressive comment and change the subject.

+1

Ugh. To the very top poster. How about you stop with the passive aggressive nonsense, put on your big girl panties and say what you really mean. I hate women like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context of my comment... I'm only a decade older than your daughter. I'd say something simple and in passing to her, like, "Everyone missed you at Grandma's birthday. I hope you made time to call her and let her know you were thinking of her."

As the daughter, I'd ignore this passive-aggressive comment and change the subject.

The face that its not framed as a question implies that there's no need for a response.

NP. Oh, a comment like that is seeking a response. Let’s get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For context of my comment... I'm only a decade older than your daughter. I'd say something simple and in passing to her, like, "Everyone missed you at Grandma's birthday. I hope you made time to call her and let her know you were thinking of her."

As the daughter, I'd ignore this passive-aggressive comment and change the subject.

The face that its not framed as a question implies that there's no need for a response.

NP. Oh, a comment like that is seeking a response. Let’s get real.

Preach!

[Anonymous]

Personally, I fell like birthday parties for adults are ridiculous. I will try to go to the 10 year milestone birthdays...but if this is a yearly event? Forget it.

Why have it on a Saturday night anyway? My grandfather had a 90th birthday a few years ago and they held it on a Sunday afternoon.

[Anonymous]

I bitterly regret not spending more time with my grandma in my 20s...