Do I have a right to be upset with my 25 year old DD?

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course you hav ea right to be upset. It was thoughtless of her to blow off her grandmother. She is old enough to know better and made a poor choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? I would have hated to go to anyone’s 85th party. What a bore

You.are.awful.

[Anonymous]

You can be upset, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why you’re getting skewered here, by people who are claiming you have no right to your daughter’s time. I think you know you actually don’t, and that this is a decision your daughter is making on her own. That’s why I think it hurts you, because she’s showing you her values.

I’m 29 and definitely would not have snubbed one of my grandparents this way. I’m also white, for context, so it isn’t like there’s some cultural factor as play that would have compelled me to feel like I had to go.

I’d guess that you didn’t explicitly stress the importance of this type stuff growing up. What she’s doing is selfish.

Wow you are “white” ?...


And apparently perfect.

This has nothing to do with being white, black, pink, purple or any other color!

We have no idea what the relationship between grandma and darling grand daughter is.

No mom is not responsible in anyway to tell her DD that she should have showed up. She’s 29 an adult.

[Anonymous]

We were forced to go to family events because "it’s probably grandmas last event" for at least 10 years....

[Anonymous]

You are being dramatic. Your daughter has her own life. Cut the apron strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were forced to go to family events because "it’s probably grandmas last event" for at least 10 years....

This! My husband’s mother was on the verge of death for 12 years!

[Anonymous]

85 is not really a momentous birthday. It's kind of random.

Also, birthday parties are kind of weird and arbitrary to a lot of people. If she otherwise is kind and considerate of her grandmother, and makes an effort from time to time, then no you have no right being upset.

Not everyone feels the same way about birthdays that you do.

[Anonymous]

I personally would just let it go. She made her choice and unless you think her values out of whack-she most likely weighed her decision and you truly won't get her to change her by shaming her. While I'd be super disappointed I hope I can let my kids make their own choices. I know I disappointed my parents by not replicating their choices-they were right for my life.

[Anonymous]

Mom of a 21 YO DD college student who lives close to my mom, age 84. I’ve had to tell my mom and other nearby relatives that DD keeps her own schedule and is not expected to be fully and actively involved in whatever family event they deem important.

I still have to run interference for DD because my mom complains she doesn’t often see DD or gets insulted when DD can’t just drop by, etc. I ha e to step aside and so should you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm going against the grain but I would absolutely tell her I was disappointed she didn't attend and that we don't know how many birthdays grandma has left, and see what her response is. And I would expect my mother would do the same thing if I made the choice your daughter did. We are a "tell it like it is" family although we say our peace respectfully and don't nag or carry on.

Np. If you were my mom and "told it like it was" then I would probably skip more events. If you nag or try to make someone guilty than they might not want to be in your company. I'm sure the dd can and will see grandma another day. I think the older generation can use that "her last birthday card" for years and at some point it gets tiresome.

We are a close knit family so I'm going to go with what works.

Also I think you read my post wrong, I said we don't nag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she trying to follow the new guidance for people over 60 to avoid gathering and protect the old folks in her family?

Even if she wasn’t I think she made a good and responsible choice.

Op imagine how you would feel if you insisted she attend to later find out she was exposed to the virus. Those above age 80 are the most vulnerable population.

At 85, I personally would rather roll the dice with a virus than not see my family members at a milestone birthday.

[Anonymous]

Nope! The way she spends her time and manages her relationships is none of your business.

Time to get a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why you’re getting skewered here, by people who are claiming you have no right to your daughter’s time. I think you know you actually don’t, and that this is a decision your daughter is making on her own. That’s why I think it hurts you, because she’s showing you her values.

I’m 29 and definitely would not have snubbed one of my grandparents this way. I’m also white, for context, so it isn’t like there’s some cultural factor as play that would have compelled me to feel like I had to go.

I’d guess that you didn’t explicitly stress the importance of this type stuff growing up. What she’s doing is selfish.

Wow you are “white” ?...


And apparently perfect.

This has nothing to do with being white, black, pink, purple or any other color!

We have no idea what the relationship between grandma and darling grand daughter is.

No mom is not responsible in anyway to tell her DD that she should have showed up. She’s 29 an adult.

Being an adult doesn't immune you from comments about your choices. Some of you seem so terrified to talk to your own family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were forced to go to family events because "it’s probably grandmas last event" for at least 10 years....

This! My husband’s mother was on the verge of death for 12 years!

+1

My sister finally snapped at my mother “I don’t believe you anymore! She is going to be here after the apocalypse!” When my mom was guilting us that it might be g-ma’s last whatever.