Do I have a right to be upset with my 25 year old DD?

[Anonymous]

I mean, she’s obviously an adult who can make her own decisions. Whatever.

Last night, we had an 85th birthday celebration for my mom. The rest of the family is all basically local (within a two hour’s drive of the party here in DC) — me, my four siblings, and their kids. It was lovely.

My oldest daughter lives in Baltimore, so really not a bad drive at all, decided to party with her work friends for St. Patrick’s day and a coworker’s birthday back in Bmore instead of coming to her grandmother’s birthday party. And grandma is healthy, but at 85 I feel like every birthday is important.

I’m just upset. Do I have a right to be? Or am I being too ‘dramatic’?

[Anonymous]

You have no claim on her schedule and it is not your job to stage-manage her relationships with relatives, no matter their age. Back off.

[Anonymous]

Did she have plans with them prior to knowing about the party?

[Anonymous]

Who cares? I would have hated to go to anyone’s 85th party. What a bore

[Anonymous]

you can feel however you want about it but I will say that my mom interfering in my relationship with my grandmother didn't make me closer to her and greatly impacted my relationship with my mother.

[Anonymous]

Is she trying to follow the new guidance for people over 60 to avoid gathering and protect the old folks in her family?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she loves Grandma dearly and will call or video chat with her later.

[Anonymous]

if she's fond of your mother, she'll regret it in her later years. but you shouldn't hold it against her.

[Anonymous]

Is she close to grandma?

[Anonymous]

I'd let this go. As you know time is short and not worth being upset over stuff like this.

I can say personally I regret not showing up for a similar function at the same age as your daughter, but I wasn't in the headspace at that time in my life.
I will also say l am very grateful my mom had the wisdom not to guiltrip me, even though I'm sure she thought I made the wrong choice. I hope zI have the same wisdom in the future.

Let it go OP you don't want this to damage your relationship.
If she's interested share pictures and stories from Grandma's party and listen to her tales of her night out if she shares.

[Anonymous]

You remind me of my MIL.

She's 25, she makes her own decisions.

Be upset if you want but what does that achieve?

[Anonymous]

When was the last time she was home and saw her grandmother?

[Anonymous]

Right to be disappointed but no right to be upset

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let this go. As you know time is short and not worth being upset over stuff like this.

I can say personally I regret not showing up for a similar function at the same age as your daughter, but I wasn't in the headspace at that time in my life.
I will also say l am very grateful my mom had the wisdom not to guiltrip me, even though I'm sure she thought I made the wrong choice. I hope zI have the same wisdom in the future.

Let it go OP you don't want this to damage your relationship.
If she's interested share pictures and stories from Grandma's party and listen to her tales of her night out if she shares.

Agree. But you can be sad about it privately.

[Anonymous]

No. You live your life. She lives her life.