It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS

[Anonymous]

When I’m a grandmother I hope to live a full life.
I will read, travel, volunteer.

I will help DD and her family - if she has a baby I’ll cook and clean, I’ll do the dirty work. I’ll will make myself available but will not push myself into their lives.

[Anonymous]

You’re over-reacting, OP, because you’re stressed out. Your MIL is not a taker, she’s not mean, it’s normal that she wants to see her grandson.

Stay calm and just say no, you’re stressed out and don’t have the time. She can visit if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

This is the issue. To everyone defending the MIL asking because she’s saying “when is it convenient?” there is no good time to add a 2 + hour drive to your list of things to do when you’re taking care if the kids alone. It’s like asking someone “When is a convenient time for you to come over and clean my house?”

Just because you ask politely doesn’t make it any less rude.

Yes, it absolutely makes it not rude. You are being idiotic if you admit she's being polite and still call it rude. And OP is free to say, just as politely, "Unfortunately, I can't really fit driving there into my schedule. We can (meet halfway? invite MIL over? Wait until DH gets back? Have DC stay there for the weekend?)

There are a TON of possibilities other than complaining about MIL who is DOING NOTHING WRONG BY LOVING HER GRANDCHILDREN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

This is the issue. To everyone defending the MIL asking because she’s saying “when is it convenient?” there is no good time to add a 2 + hour drive to your list of things to do when you’re taking care if the kids alone. It’s like asking someone “When is a convenient time for you to come over and clean my house?”

Just because you ask politely doesn’t make it any less rude.

Yes, it absolutely makes it not rude. You are being idiotic if you admit she's being polite and still call it rude. And OP is free to say, just as politely, "Unfortunately, I can't really fit driving there into my schedule. We can (meet halfway? invite MIL over? Wait until DH gets back? Have DC stay there for the weekend?)

There are a TON of possibilities other than complaining about MIL who is DOING NOTHING WRONG BY LOVING HER GRANDCHILDREN!

Calm down. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is odd, can’t you drop DS off and get a break yourself?

No. I don’t have time for that. I also have a sitter who I can easily pay to show up and my house. I don’t have to drive two hours for a day to myself. And this isn’t about free childcare (which I don’t need). I’m a struggling mom doing it alone and I don’t need my MIL piling on her needs and wants.

You sound overwhelmed, and taking ds is just "one more thing". I often felt like that as a single mom. If I said "no" to driving ds to see my parents I was selfish. Actually I didn't have time in my day for the trip.

Take a deep breath and maybe try to plan ahead for a visit. Maybe they could drive one way?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like both you and the kid are over scheduled. Can you drop some stuff—not so you can drive the kid to see tour MIL, but so you’re not so stressed out and overwhelmed. Did you straight up ask the MIL to do the driving and maybe keep the kid overnight? Who cares if he misses an activity. Activities are wants not needs and spending time with a grandma who presumably isn’t dangerous is way more important than cub scouts or soccer practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

This is the issue. To everyone defending the MIL asking because she’s saying “when is it convenient?” there is no good time to add a 2 + hour drive to your list of things to do when you’re taking care if the kids alone. It’s like asking someone “When is a convenient time for you to come over and clean my house?”

Just because you ask politely doesn’t make it any less rude.

Yes, it absolutely makes it not rude. You are being idiotic if you admit she's being polite and still call it rude. And OP is free to say, just as politely, "Unfortunately, I can't really fit driving there into my schedule. We can (meet halfway? invite MIL over? Wait until DH gets back? Have DC stay there for the weekend?)

There are a TON of possibilities other than complaining about MIL who is DOING NOTHING WRONG BY LOVING HER GRANDCHILDREN!

Calm down. -np

You’re right. I don’t know why it’s so aggravating to me- I’m not even a grandparent. Maybe because I have sons and I fear one day being in that horrible MIL land where nothing you do is acceptable, even politely asking to see your grandkids. I don’t blame OP for not wanting to drive 2 hours, but I’m dumbfounded where even the polite ask is considered rude.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Do you want to “exist” to her or not? I can’t figure out your end game here. Either it’s too much or it’s not, in which case this shouldn’t bother you so much...but you’re upset that she asks about you and would be upset if she didn’t ask about you. It’s not like if she wanted to be friends you’d go get pedicures and hang out at the mall, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

This is the issue. To everyone defending the MIL asking because she’s saying “when is it convenient?” there is no good time to add a 2 + hour drive to your list of things to do when you’re taking care if the kids alone. It’s like asking someone “When is a convenient time for you to come over and clean my house?”

Just because you ask politely doesn’t make it any less rude.

Yes, it absolutely makes it not rude. You are being idiotic if you admit she's being polite and still call it rude. And OP is free to say, just as politely, "Unfortunately, I can't really fit driving there into my schedule. We can (meet halfway? invite MIL over? Wait until DH gets back? Have DC stay there for the weekend?)

There are a TON of possibilities other than complaining about MIL who is DOING NOTHING WRONG BY LOVING HER GRANDCHILDREN!

Calm down. -np

You’re right. I don’t know why it’s so aggravating to me- I’m not even a grandparent. Maybe because I have sons and I fear one day being in that horrible MIL land where nothing you do is acceptable, even politely asking to see your grandkids. I don’t blame OP for not wanting to drive 2 hours, but I’m dumbfounded where even the polite ask is considered rude.

Oh God. Calm your tits and stop projecting and assuming and looking for problems. You’re already a Desperado MIL. You’ll make all this a self-fulfilling prophecy

[Anonymous]

I have the same issues and had to make sure I didn’t write this last year. The only thing that works is responding back “no. It’s difficult with dh gone and very stressful. If you’d like to visit, you’re more than welcome to. Otherwise people text dh for when he can bring the kids to you”. I was done driving far away to my in-laws and they’d never helped once. Not even one diaper change. If they want to see my kids, they need to make themselves helpful or convenient.

[Anonymous]

MILs need to start asking their own damn sons for favors. Stop with the DILs. If their son is too busy or traveling, they need to support their DIL instead of being yet another burden on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MILs need to start asking their own damn sons for favors. Stop with the DILs. If their son is too busy or traveling, they need to support their DIL instead of being yet another burden on her.

100% this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs need to start asking their own damn sons for favors. Stop with the DILs. If their son is too busy or traveling, they need to support their DIL instead of being yet another burden on her.

100% this.

You and so many others on this board are constantly assuming bad intent on the part of MILs. My guess is she DOES think she is trying to be helpful by giving OP a day off. Like someone else said, it’s rude for her to invite herself over. If OP needs help, she should make clear what she needs instead of assuming the worst. But no, she’d rather play the martyr “single” mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs need to start asking their own damn sons for favors. Stop with the DILs. If their son is too busy or traveling, they need to support their DIL instead of being yet another burden on her.

100% this.

You and so many others on this board are constantly assuming bad intent on the part of MILs. My guess is she DOES think she is trying to be helpful by giving OP a day off. Like someone else said, it’s rude for her to invite herself over. If OP needs help, she should make clear what she needs instead of assuming the worst. But no, she’d rather play the martyr “single” mom.

+1

The DILs behavior here is obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Well ..I can see why DH chose a job that takes him away from OP a lot.