It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. I refuse to give in.

We have hectic lives, our schedules are full.

MIL doesn’t work, is bored and decides she wants to bond with DD. She doesn’t have a bond with other 5 kids who live far away, but DD happened to be in the convenient proximity.

Well, I’m not going to add another chore to work on their relationship. Also, DD’s schedule is just as full. She has homework, extra curricular activities and would rather spend her time with friends.

Sorry, but my kid doesn’t exist to fill holes in your life.

Wow, you are really a peach.

[Anonymous]

When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you bringing the kid over is a “favor”?

NP. Yes. It is. OP has no obligation to make sure MIL sees the kid. That's DH's problem. If OP is helping make sure that MIL has time with DS, then she is doing MIL and DH a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is odd, can’t you drop DS off and get a break yourself?

No. I don’t have time for that. I also have a sitter who I can easily pay to show up and my house. I don’t have to drive two hours for a day to myself. And this isn’t about free childcare (which I don’t need). I’m a struggling mom doing it alone and I don’t need my MIL piling on her needs and wants.

This. You don’t have time to deal with those annoying takers. Just say no and get on with life. If mil really wants to see kid, she can come to you. Don’t let in-laws take up anymore of you brain space.

[Anonymous]

OP have you invited your MIL to come visit your child at your house? If she said yes, you could schedule some appointments or chores easier to do without your DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. I refuse to give in.

We have hectic lives, our schedules are full.

MIL doesn’t work, is bored and decides she wants to bond with DD. She doesn’t have a bond with other 5 kids who live far away, but DD happened to be in the convenient proximity.

Well, I’m not going to add another chore to work on their relationship. Also, DD’s schedule is just as full. She has homework, extra curricular activities and would rather spend her time with friends.

Sorry, but my kid doesn’t exist to fill holes in your life.

Are you the OP? In the OP it was a DS.

Sounds like someone else who cannot fathom how horrible it is for grandparents to want a relationship with their grandchildren and cannot even conceive how it might actually be good for the grandkids too.

Reality check: grandparents die. Kids forget. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

If I become a grandmother (Big IF because as it is not a requirement now a days nor should it be) I will have a life if my own and not sitting around waiting for other to fill MY time and entertain me. Get a life folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. I refuse to give in.

We have hectic lives, our schedules are full.

MIL doesn’t work, is bored and decides she wants to bond with DD. She doesn’t have a bond with other 5 kids who live far away, but DD happened to be in the convenient proximity.

Well, I’m not going to add another chore to work on their relationship. Also, DD’s schedule is just as full. She has homework, extra curricular activities and would rather spend her time with friends.

Sorry, but my kid doesn’t exist to fill holes in your life.

Wow, you are really a peach.

She does not need to be a peach. Good for her for not being a doormat!

[Anonymous]

Wow, I hope karma hits some of these grandparent-hating people in the ass with really lonely elder years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DH is traveling, I’d be annoyed if she asked me to drive 2 hours to drop off the kids. I work FT, deal with kid’s appointments/activities, and you want me to drop them off? No.

This is the issue. To everyone defending the MIL asking because she’s saying “when is it convenient?” there is no good time to add a 2 + hour drive to your list of things to do when you’re taking care if the kids alone. It’s like asking someone “When is a convenient time for you to come over and clean my house?”

Just because you ask politely doesn’t make it any less rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

Right. And Op is saying that it is not convenient for her to work full time, take care of her child while her husband is away on business, take care of the house and then try to fit in a "convenient" 4 hour round trip drive into her schedule so that MIL has the opportunity to visit with her grandchild.

Inviting MIL over to Op's house also requires Op to set an entire day aside where MIL inside Op's house visiting. Op would probably feel the need to tidy up/clean and possibly serve MIL food during these visits - that is not a break for Op. Not at all.

If Op's child is old enough for MIL to actually take them to a movie, bowling, to the mall, story time at the library, a program at the nature center and out to lunch while Op actually catches a break that would be helpful, otherwise MIL is only adding to Op's already long to do list which is NOT helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will have grandchildren. Would you like to be blown off like this?

When I have grandchildren, I can’t imagine making so many demands on my DIL while my son is traveling. I truly hope I don’t become so selfish and self centered as I get older.

What are these 'so many demands' made by her MIL?

Driving 2 hours to take the grandson to see her whenever she wants.

Whenever she wants? The grandmother asked when it would be convenient for OP.

Some of you are really projecting here.

Right. And Op is saying that it is not convenient for her to work full time, take care of her child while her husband is away on business, take care of the house and then try to fit in a "convenient" 4 hour round trip drive into her schedule so that MIL has the opportunity to visit with her grandchild.

Inviting MIL over to Op's house also requires Op to set an entire day aside where MIL inside Op's house visiting. Op would probably feel the need to tidy up/clean and possibly serve MIL food during these visits - that is not a break for Op. Not at all.

If Op's child is old enough for MIL to actually take them to a movie, bowling, to the mall, story time at the library, a program at the nature center and out to lunch while Op actually catches a break that would be helpful, otherwise MIL is only adding to Op's already long to do list which is NOT helpful.

And it’s certainly not “convenient.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I hope karma hits some of these grandparent-hating people in the ass with really lonely elder years.

I hope so too. After dealing with demanding, selfish grandparents for years while raising young kids these parents are going to have earned lots of karma points!

Hopefully, they can draw from their experiences and be kind to their children when grandchildren enter the picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I hope karma hits some of these grandparent-hating people in the ass with really lonely elder years.

When my grandmother wasn't with us, she was at the church library, which she ran. She was at the homeless shelter, where she volunteered. She was on the public library's leadership guild. She wrote fired-up letters to various editors. She read, did crochet, word searches, etc. She wrote letters. When she could, she traveled. And when she couldn't she talked about her travels with the social group she started in her retirement home.

When my other set of grandparents weren't with us, they were going to Mass each and every morning. They tended to the garden at their lake house. They went to community theater productions, art exhibits, museums. They traveled extensively. Grandma had mahjong. Granddad volunteered at medical clinics, and was a member at the rotary club.

Barring medical issues or extreme poverty, there is no more reason for an older adult to be lonely than someone in her 40s or 50s.