It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there actual studies to back up the claim that having engaged grandparents benefits the child?

I think you are confusing it with engaged parents. Maybe MIL could help out with chores so that OP would have more time to engage with DC?

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Team MIL.

-- mom of 2, WOHM, husband currently deployed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

NP. I think there's nothing wrong with "I'd love to see Jimmy; can we work out a plan?" But there IS something wrong with "can DS *come for a visit.*" Because Jimmy can't drive himself, now can he? So you are basically asking someone else to do you the favor of bringing Jimmy to you. That IS a favor. Driving two hours IS a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

Say what now? Asking your DIL to drive 2 hours each way isn’t a favor???

The entitlement never ends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

NP. I think there's nothing wrong with "I'd love to see Jimmy; can we work out a plan?" But there IS something wrong with "can DS *come for a visit.*" Because Jimmy can't drive himself, now can he? So you are basically asking someone else to do you the favor of bringing Jimmy to you. That IS a favor. Driving two hours IS a favor.

But look at the top of this minithread - the person was complaining that the MIL driving to OP is an imposition. If driving the kid to her is a favor that deserves all of this wroth, and her visiting to see the kid is an imposition because you're busy, and responding honestly "actually I'm really busy right now" is for some reason out of the question, what is a MIL to do? How do people even exist in families if everything is viewed through the darkest possible lens at all times?

Like I said, I've seen some amazing terrible MIL stories here. This just isn't one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

This makes me so grateful for my in-laws! When DH was gone for a year, my husband’s aunt would call or text and ask what was a good time to come. She would come for lunch, and usually work it out with DHs brother to drive together. The two of them would go to Costco before they came and bring enough food to feed twenty people . Then they would set it all up, eat, talk with th kids and play with them, then clean everything up and put the food in the fridge. My brother in law even learned how to make balloon animals that year so he would always have something to do with the kids.

It would have been so hard to have parents and in-laws who expected me to always come to them, or to have a perfectly clean house and “host” them when they came.

I’m sorry, OP. I wish your family was more thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like OP has never come back to answer any questions about her kid's age or whether the trip to MIL is 2 hours one way or round trip. Or whether MIL can come to her.

Yeah OP, throw a vague rant and disappear... The way I read it, you only live 30 minutes from MIL and don't want to make two round trips totalng 2 hours to drop the kid off and pick the kid up again. Or if you drive one RT and MIL drives the other. And DCUM has wasted 10+ pages on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

Strange? Really? She's overextended. You never over-react when you are stressed, overextended, etc? If not, goodie for you. But, many people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like OP has never come back to answer any questions about her kid's age or whether the trip to MIL is 2 hours one way or round trip. Or whether MIL can come to her.

Yeah OP, throw a vague rant and disappear... The way I read it, you only live 30 minutes from MIL and don't want to make two round trips totalng 2 hours to drop the kid off and pick the kid up again. Or if you drive one RT and MIL drives the other. And DCUM has wasted 10+ pages on you.

Is someone holding a gun to your head to keep answering posts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To find happiness in your life, you need to shift your frame of mind.

You view others only in relation to yourself. This has lead you to viewing everyone as doing something "to you" or making you do something for them. Everything is give or take, transactional. That is a very unhealthy way to view the world.

This is the best advice and could be applied to 90% of every post on here.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it but wait until he’s a toddler. I have two incredibly well behaved toddlers and neither set of grandparents will watch them at all. Not even when I’m in the bathroom or taking a shower. They stole my babies nonstop but now that they’re mobile they want nothing to do with them. Toddlers should be seen but not heard I guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

NP. I think there's nothing wrong with "I'd love to see Jimmy; can we work out a plan?" But there IS something wrong with "can DS *come for a visit.*" Because Jimmy can't drive himself, now can he? So you are basically asking someone else to do you the favor of bringing Jimmy to you. That IS a favor. Driving two hours IS a favor.

DP. Yes, let's throw her under the bus because she didn't use the exact tiny subset of words you deem permissible, in her attempt to offer to help. Also, there are other posts in this thread saying that MIL offering to drive is rude too. MIL can't win.

This OP is genuinely making me question the authenticity of some of the other MIL stories I hear on DCUM. They sound horrible but if the DILs are actually like PP and the other anti-MIL posters, I would switch to team MIL. I think the pro-OP posters on this thread sound wildly controlling and impossible to have even a conversation with. And I am not a MIL.