It’s like I don’t exist other than to hand off DS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

NP. I think there's nothing wrong with "I'd love to see Jimmy; can we work out a plan?" But there IS something wrong with "can DS *come for a visit.*" Because Jimmy can't drive himself, now can he? So you are basically asking someone else to do you the favor of bringing Jimmy to you. That IS a favor. Driving two hours IS a favor.

DP. Yes, let's throw her under the bus because she didn't use the exact tiny subset of words you deem permissible, in her attempt to offer to help. Also, there are other posts in this thread saying that MIL offering to drive is rude too. MIL can't win.

This OP is genuinely making me question the authenticity of some of the other MIL stories I hear on DCUM. They sound horrible but if the DILs are actually like PP and the other anti-MIL posters, I would switch to team MIL. I think the pro-OP posters on this thread sound wildly controlling and impossible to have even a conversation with. And I am not a MIL.

Ha! I love offers to “help” that involve me driving 4 hours on a weekend. It’s also great how so many posters keep insisting that this not a favor!

Would you ever treat a friend this way? “When’s a good time for you to drive 4 hours to do something for me? This isn’t a favor BTW so don’t expect a thank you.”

[Anonymous]

If you or your DH never contact MIL, of course she’s going to call you. It’s time to be proactive.

Get a calendar and pencil in a few days over the next 6-12 months that will work for you and your DH and then DH should let MIL know. Once she knows what she can expect from you, she won’t have to keep calling you to ask.

You and your DH should also figure out ways to lower the stress level in your lives because you sound really on edge.

[Anonymous]

FBI field agent wife here. My DH travels all the time and I'm so grateful for my inlaws. OP has one child, I have 3 and jump at the opportunity for someone to visit with my kids. No idea how it's even so hard and stressful to handle one child, LOL! That's like having a pet.

This isn't a problem, just ask MIL to come to you. However I'm guessing is perpetually unhappy and that won't work for her either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd point out to the posters suggesting inviting MIL over instead to avoid the 2-4 hours of driving that hosting someone is often as much work and disruptive to your schedule. I know that I always clean my house before my MIL comes and would not want to entertain a visit while I was under work deadlines/husband traveling. I also would not want her coming over right after I got back from my own work travel because when DH is on his own with the kids the house looks like it was ransacked even when it was perfectly clean before I left.

And that's okay. It would be okay for OP to say "I'm super swamped right now but maybe when DH gets back?" It's just strange that she's turned the request to see her grandson into "she's such a taker."

She’s a taker because she’s trying to manipulate her DIL into driving 2 hours each way just to facilitate a visit with her. She’s doing this when she knows DIL is handling everything home related on her own while her husband travels. Of course, it’s a bad time!

When you know someone is dealing with a stressful time, you don’t pile on the requests for favors. That’s flat out rude. Of course, that’s only if you care about them. If you don’t care about them, then you probably do ask for whatever you can get away with and completely disregard what they’re going through.

"Is there a good time soon DS can come for a visit" is the opposite of manipulation. Wanting to see your grandson is not a favor. And literally no part of the MIL's behavior was rude. Your response is out of all proportion to what happened. And I'm a DIL, not a MIL. There are some great posts in this forum about monster in laws. This isn't one. This is a normal interaction with people being polite and respecting boundaries and then one party turning around and complaining "look what I have to put up with!" There's no there, there.

NP. I think there's nothing wrong with "I'd love to see Jimmy; can we work out a plan?" But there IS something wrong with "can DS *come for a visit.*" Because Jimmy can't drive himself, now can he? So you are basically asking someone else to do you the favor of bringing Jimmy to you. That IS a favor. Driving two hours IS a favor.

DP. Yes, let's throw her under the bus because she didn't use the exact tiny subset of words you deem permissible, in her attempt to offer to help. Also, there are other posts in this thread saying that MIL offering to drive is rude too. MIL can't win.

This OP is genuinely making me question the authenticity of some of the other MIL stories I hear on DCUM. They sound horrible but if the DILs are actually like PP and the other anti-MIL posters, I would switch to team MIL. I think the pro-OP posters on this thread sound wildly controlling and impossible to have even a conversation with. And I am not a MIL.

Ha! I love offers to “help” that involve me driving 4 hours on a weekend. It’s also great how so many posters keep insisting that this not a favor!

Would you ever treat a friend this way? “When’s a good time for you to drive 4 hours to do something for me? This isn’t a favor BTW so don’t expect a thank you.”

Frankly you sound like such a drama queen that you aren't believable.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you started a thread complaining about this before? You always-traveling DH wanted you to drive to your in-laws thr one weekend a month he’s at home?

[Anonymous]

I dont get the complaint. You have a mil who wants tonspend time with your kid. Just drop thebkid off for thebweekend or have her babysit while you go away. It would likely give you some relief. It will go a lokg waybtoward improving your personality.

[Anonymous]

I just ran this buy my husband and he said he have his foot on the gas friday night and come back sunday night. A 4 hour total drive isn't a lot for free childcare. If you feel it is why not ask your mother in law to meet you 2/3s of the way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just ran this buy my husband and he said he have his foot on the gas friday night and come back sunday night. A 4 hour total drive isn't a lot for free childcare. If you feel it is why not ask your mother in law to meet you 2/3s of the way?

Yes. It is. If you breakdown the cost of gas and your time for the four hour drive it isn’t “free childcare” at all. Just sayin’.

[Anonymous]

I agree with most of the bad IL posts but it’s a nope for this one. Get over yourself OP! You are actually complaining she made small talk and asked how you were doing first