Women enslaved to their sons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 28, dumbass. Not 38.

Apologies - he's 28. Better but long past the age he should have flown the nest.

I’m the poster of this comment. He can fly the nest anytime he wants. There is no strict expectation on him or any other kids to stay with family but there is no judgment on them if they choose to stay. We like his company and he likes ours. It’s also very nice to have another adult available in the house. When he flies the nest, he will be able to get a nice one of his own due to all the money he saved on account of not having to pay rent. He’s a responsible young man and helps us so we don’t mind helping him. It’s entirely his voice.

Does he pay for his cell phone, car, insurance, clothing?

[Anonymous]

I told my son during the summer before his senior year of college that he couldn’t graduate and live at home without having a full-time job, going to graduate school full-time or on a paid fellowship or internship so he’d better have a plan. He ended up getting a fellowship for study abroad. Parents need to light a fire under these young adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering if any other women in my age group (40s) have observed this among their peers. I work with a number of doting mothers who have millennial aged sons with various undiagnosed "problems". The young men live at home and seem to be incapable of fending for themselves. All are avid gamers, none work, none can drive, mother does everything for them. It was just today when I was having lunch with a colleague and she told me how tired she was because little (21 year old) Johnny's gaming session at a friend's house didn't end until 2am and she had to pick him up that I realised how many women I know are in this exact same situation with their sons. None of them complain really, they speak with concern about the anxiety or whatever else could possibly be wrong with their boys, and they are always so worried about causing the poor things stress, they can't push them to change, what if it makes them worse? I will emphasise here, it does not sound like there is anything so terribly wrong with these young men that they need to sit at home all the time and be waited on, all completed normal schooling then just didn't do anything with their lives.

So just in my work circle alone I count 5 women with these useless man children (one of them has 2), but I am yet to meet a woman who is held hostage by a daughter. What are your experiences? What the hell is going on?

Not just women. My parents have close friends who are pushing 70 and cannot retire because neither of their 40+ year old children (son and daughter) are self sufficient. They are both "artistic" and simply do not earn enough through their artistic endeavors to actually support themselves, so their parents have to supplement their incomes. The son lives in a 1 bedroom condo purchased for him by the parents, the daughter is at home. She briefly moved out in her 20s to get married, but that lasted two years and she moved right back in after the divorce.

Crazy. Right out of college, I gave up dreams of supporting myself as an artist and became a commercial artist. Maybe it helps to hate living with your parents. If we were closer maybe I would've stayed home longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 28, dumbass. Not 38.

Apologies - he's 28. Better but long past the age he should have flown the nest.

I’m the poster of this comment. He can fly the nest anytime he wants. There is no strict expectation on him or any other kids to stay with family but there is no judgment on them if they choose to stay. We like his company and he likes ours. It’s also very nice to have another adult available in the house. When he flies the nest, he will be able to get a nice one of his own due to all the money he saved on account of not having to pay rent. He’s a responsible young man and helps us so we don’t mind helping him. It’s entirely his voice.

Does he pay for his cell phone, car, insurance, clothing?

Yes, of course.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I know of 3. Two graduated from top colleges. One had community college. All three are pushing 30. They game all night
and sleep all day. Parents are professional. Parents are enablers. I hear " Boys mature slower than girls", "Dave had insecurities
and low self esteem that prevent him from applying to jobs" "Dave never recovered from my divorce (20 years prior)" "Dave's
biodad was not involved." "I think Dave needs counseling" etc, etc, etc.

Man/boys pay no bills, no jobs and restaurant, retail office work seems below them.

I don't know what happens when the parents die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 28, dumbass. Not 38.

Apologies - he's 28. Better but long past the age he should have flown the nest.

I’m the poster of this comment. He can fly the nest anytime he wants. There is no strict expectation on him or any other kids to stay with family but there is no judgment on them if they choose to stay. We like his company and he likes ours. It’s also very nice to have another adult available in the house. When he flies the nest, he will be able to get a nice one of his own due to all the money he saved on account of not having to pay rent. He’s a responsible young man and helps us so we don’t mind helping him. It’s entirely his voice.

On the flip side, my DH at 28 had a law degree, a wife, a lovely townhome, and a baby on the way. Your son is not much of a catch living at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 28, dumbass. Not 38.

Apologies - he's 28. Better but long past the age he should have flown the nest.

I’m the poster of this comment. He can fly the nest anytime he wants. There is no strict expectation on him or any other kids to stay with family but there is no judgment on them if they choose to stay. We like his company and he likes ours. It’s also very nice to have another adult available in the house. When he flies the nest, he will be able to get a nice one of his own due to all the money he saved on account of not having to pay rent. He’s a responsible young man and helps us so we don’t mind helping him. It’s entirely his voice.

On the flip side, my DH at 28 had a law degree, a wife, a lovely townhome, and a baby on the way. Your son is not much of a catch living at home.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sons are 22, 20, and 18 and I know no one whose relationships resembles what you describe. Not even remotely.

Considering yourself lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are from a different culture. My 28-year old son lives with us. He is a law school graduate, has a great job, and will probably move out only when he marries. He is saving aggressively and buys groceries for the house. He cleans his room, does his laundry and acts as a role model to younger siblings. He could live out but chooses to stay. I expect my daughter will do the same. My youngest wants to go to college in California so who knows where that will lead.

Exactly, different culture. This ain’t about that and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are from a different culture. My 28-year old son lives with us. He is a law school graduate, has a great job, and will probably move out only when he marries. He is saving aggressively and buys groceries for the house. He cleans his room, does his laundry and acts as a role model to younger siblings. He could live out but chooses to stay. I expect my daughter will do the same. My youngest wants to go to college in California so who knows where that will lead.

I'm assuming you cook all his meals and fold his laundry too?

I pity your future DIL. She will never live up to that standard. I mean, not unless you import her.

? for real now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 mid 20's boys. Both graduated from college and beyond and live out of the house. I think work ethic needs to start YOUNG. My kids worked a summer job from around age 15 and always worked summers while in college. My DH and I paid for college, but all extras were on them. I was a SAHM so we never outsourced much. Cue: Your dad is traveling this week so you need to mow the lawn and they always had indoor cleaning chores. I am baffled when parents don't expect their kids to work a summer job or have chores in the house.

OP: Regarding the kids you speak about, who is bankrolling their lifestyle? Is Dad in the picture?

Really now? Mid 20s are men not boys. Stop infantilizing your sons.

DP. My boys will always be my boys. So will my girls.

No matter what you say, they are men and women unless your “girls” are under 18.
I have two girls 7 and 1. THEY ARE GIRLS. and one day they will be women.

It’s fine if you are WASPY and not close to your family but some people are close. No reason to put it down.

We are actually very close, but we also know the difference between a baby, toddler, young child, tween, teen, and adult. As well as female/male child.

So what if I say "my boys are coming over for Thanksgiving" and you say "my men are coming over for Thanksgiving"... It's not better, your expression sounds weird to me, mine sounds weird to you.

different strokes.

Gtfoh. That is not what I meant and you know it. At the end of the day they are all men. And by the way I would never say that as my girls are 1 and 7. Now go sleep with your “boys” and don’t forget to give them their binkie and blankie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 mid 20's boys. Both graduated from college and beyond and live out of the house. I think work ethic needs to start YOUNG. My kids worked a summer job from around age 15 and always worked summers while in college. My DH and I paid for college, but all extras were on them. I was a SAHM so we never outsourced much. Cue: Your dad is traveling this week so you need to mow the lawn and they always had indoor cleaning chores. I am baffled when parents don't expect their kids to work a summer job or have chores in the house.

OP: Regarding the kids you speak about, who is bankrolling their lifestyle? Is Dad in the picture?

Really now? Mid 20s are men not boys. Stop infantilizing your sons.

DP. My boys will always be my boys. So will my girls.

No matter what you say, they are men and women unless your “girls” are under 18.
I have two girls 7 and 1. THEY ARE GIRLS. and one day they will be women.

It’s fine if you are WASPY and not close to your family but some people are close. No reason to put it down.

We are actually very close, but we also know the difference between a baby, toddler, young child, tween, teen, and adult. As well as female/male child.

So what if I say "my boys are coming over for Thanksgiving" and you say "my men are coming over for Thanksgiving"... It's not better, your expression sounds weird to me, mine sounds weird to you.

different strokes.

How about --- 'my sons are coming over for Thanksgiving'.

Thank you anon poster.

[Anonymous]

I know several of these 'failure to launch' men in their 60's now and it's not pretty. They are perpetually single, never married and no kids, no money, living with elderly parents. Each of these guys are intelligent and able bodied. They were enabled by the parents so much they never morphed into adults. It's sad to see them now, old, broke and alone. I think if a man doesn't catch a rung on the ladder of adulthood by their 30's they can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are from a different culture. My 28-year old son lives with us. He is a law school graduate, has a great job, and will probably move out only when he marries. He is saving aggressively and buys groceries for the house. He cleans his room, does his laundry and acts as a role model to younger siblings. He could live out but chooses to stay. I expect my daughter will do the same. My youngest wants to go to college in California so who knows where that will lead.

I'm assuming you cook all his meals and fold his laundry too?

I pity your future DIL. She will never live up to that standard. I mean, not unless you import her.

DP here. Wow! What a nasty bitchy comment to make!!
MYOB.

It's a perfectly c*nty assumption to make. He's 38, still living at home, eating his mother's cooking, and having a house and all household tasks taken care of by a female or someone other than himself.

He'll expect the same of his wife since he's never had to do it himself. And if he isn't careful picking out the wife with the traditional values of the culture his mother grew up in - their marriage will be fraught with tension and accusations.

FIFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my son during the summer before his senior year of college that he couldn’t graduate and live at home without having a full-time job, going to graduate school full-time or on a paid fellowship or internship so he’d better have a plan. He ended up getting a fellowship for study abroad. Parents need to light a fire under these young adults.

Funny, I’m the opposite for my kids I told him I’d help with student loans if he took 9 months to do something interesting but not work.