How awful would it be if my DD didn't attend her dad's wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other women? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

This will sound stupid (well, no stupider than the rest of this soap opera), but he's a very charming guy. He pursues women aggressively with lots of grand gestures and I think he really believes each time that he's met "the love of his life".

Wife #3 was the woman he left me for when our daughter was an infant because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm not sure exactly how things ended between the them.

So he left you when DD was 6 months-ish ... then you had to wait 6 months to get divorced. Then he married someone new (say DD was 1.5 then). Then after 6 months they decide to get divorced. Then they wait 6 months to get a divorce, DD is 2.5 now. Then he gets remarried 6 months after? Not sure this math adds up.

Mid 2009 - Divorced Wife 1
August 2016 - Separated from wife 2 (me)
August 2017 - Divorced from wife 2
August 2017 - Married wife 3
After that I'm uncertain on the dates exactly, but I think the divorce from wife #3 was finalized in September or October 2018. ExH and soon-to-be wife #4 got together this February I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other women? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

This will sound stupid (well, no stupider than the rest of this soap opera), but he's a very charming guy. He pursues women aggressively with lots of grand gestures and I think he really believes each time that he's met "the love of his life".

Wife #3 was the woman he left me for when our daughter was an infant because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm not sure exactly how things ended between the them.

So he left you when DD was 6 months-ish ... then you had to wait 6 months to get divorced. Then he married someone new (say DD was 1.5 then). Then after 6 months they decide to get divorced. Then they wait 6 months to get a divorce, DD is 2.5 now. Then he gets remarried 6 months after? Not sure this math adds up.

Mid 2009 - Divorced Wife 1
August 2016 - Separated from wife 2 (me)
August 2017 - Divorced from wife 2
August 2017 - Married wife 3
After that I'm uncertain on the dates exactly, but I think the divorce from wife #3 was finalized in September or October 2018. ExH and soon-to-be wife #4 got together this February I think.

So in 12 months he separated from you, finalized a divorce, met a new person, married her, separated from her and divorced her? Doesn’t add up.

[Anonymous]

I just want to know what kind of idiot is going to marry this guy! She must be really young and naive, or really insecure, or...just really dumb.


To your question, either send her with one of your friends/babysitters, or don't send her. I agree about the prop theory. The idea that his mother would take care of her, and she's never met the mother, shows how uninvolved and clueless about kids he is. So daughter is just a prop.

Which is pathetic, btw, because one shouldn't be showing off a toddler as a prop at your own wedding to a woman who is not the toddler's mom. Makes the guy look like such a jerk.

[Anonymous]

OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

[Anonymous]

If it was important to him that she be there she would be in the ceremony itself and at a normal time of day. So I say No, she doesnt go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

Yes, I wondered that as well. But regardless, I would not send dd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was important to him that she be there she would be in the ceremony itself and at a normal time of day. So I say No, she doesnt go.

I agree. In most circumstances it would seem the child would be invited to the ceremony and not the reception. I don't understand how it is important for her to attend the reception, when presumably the father will be busy doing other things. Also, his child care plan at this point is not acceptable.

OP, does she have a regular babysitter? I guess to be nice you could offer she attend for 30-45 minutes with a babysitter of your choosing, if the dad was hoping for pictures or something, but I don't think you are required to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

Yes, I wondered that as well. But regardless, I would not send dd.

Even if this is true, it does not make the dad's plan a good one.

And it's pathetic how the many insecure women on DCUM are looking for reasons to OP to be "punished". Through her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other women? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

This will sound stupid (well, no stupider than the rest of this soap opera), but he's a very charming guy. He pursues women aggressively with lots of grand gestures and I think he really believes each time that he's met "the love of his life".

Wife #3 was the woman he left me for when our daughter was an infant because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm not sure exactly how things ended between the them.

So he left you when DD was 6 months-ish ... then you had to wait 6 months to get divorced. Then he married someone new (say DD was 1.5 then). Then after 6 months they decide to get divorced. Then they wait 6 months to get a divorce, DD is 2.5 now. Then he gets remarried 6 months after? Not sure this math adds up.

Mid 2009 - Divorced Wife 1
August 2016 - Separated from wife 2 (me)
August 2017 - Divorced from wife 2
August 2017 - Married wife 3
After that I'm uncertain on the dates exactly, but I think the divorce from wife #3 was finalized in September or October 2018. ExH and soon-to-be wife #4 got together this February I think.

So in 12 months he separated from you, finalized a divorce, met a new person, married her, separated from her and divorced her? Doesn’t add up.

He was already dating wife 3 when he separated from OP, keep up. Also stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

Yes, I wondered that as well. But regardless, I would not send dd.

Nice try, but no. This is dramatic enough without adding another round of infidelity. Should have included this in my timeline, but wife 1 was long gone when I met ExH in 2013.

And to the pp who is saying that the timeline doesn’t add it up... I might be off on the exact date that he divorced wife 3 but I assure you this sh*t show is real. The detail you’re missing is that he didn’t meet/marry/divorce wife 3 in the span of a year. He met and dated her while we were married and throughout our one year separation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP cheated with her husband on his first wife. OP was cheated on by her husband and new wife. Now she's mad.

DP. I wish people would read the thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other women? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

This will sound stupid (well, no stupider than the rest of this soap opera), but he's a very charming guy. He pursues women aggressively with lots of grand gestures and I think he really believes each time that he's met "the love of his life".

Wife #3 was the woman he left me for when our daughter was an infant because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm not sure exactly how things ended between the them.

So he left you when DD was 6 months-ish ... then you had to wait 6 months to get divorced. Then he married someone new (say DD was 1.5 then). Then after 6 months they decide to get divorced. Then they wait 6 months to get a divorce, DD is 2.5 now. Then he gets remarried 6 months after? Not sure this math adds up.

Mid 2009 - Divorced Wife 1
August 2016 - Separated from wife 2 (me)
August 2017 - Divorced from wife 2
August 2017 - Married wife 3
After that I'm uncertain on the dates exactly, but I think the divorce from wife #3 was finalized in September or October 2018. ExH and soon-to-be wife #4 got together this February I think.

So in 12 months he separated from you, finalized a divorce, met a new person, married her, separated from her and divorced her? Doesn’t add up.

He did all this in 2 years according to OP’s timeline: Aug 2016 - Sept/Oct 2018.

[Anonymous]

OP, so sorry. He sucks and really screwed you over. He is also an asshat about his daughter who should be invited to the wedding as a flower girl and then go home.

That said, I'd take her on the condition she has a babysitter to take care of her the whole time. which ideally should be you.

I know it is inconvenient and he's a jerk but if he's charming, he'll someday charm your daughter if he decides he wants a relationship when he is older, and then she'll blame you. People like him are master manipulators. consider it an investment in your future relationship with your daughter.

sorry again for the soap opera.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why there is NO ONE who will know or have connections to your daughter *at her dads wedding.”

???

Presumably because it's wedding #4 and all the relatives excused themselves.

OP, I don't know why others are criticizing. I would never let my three year old attend in the situation you describe.

This.

I would not allow it because it’s likely someone not accustomed to caring for her will forget if distracted or a bit tipsy and she could wander off, accidentally drink someone’s wine, or hurt herself on a steal knife at the table. My older DD was once hired as a sitter for a rehearsal dinner to avoid this situation.

[Anonymous]

I would either hire a babysitter to take her for an hour or so or ask if he wanted you to take her for an hour. No way would I let someone she had never met take her.