How awful would it be if my DD didn't attend her dad's wedding?

[Anonymous]

I think it is reasonable not to take her to the wedding under the circumstance you described. However, I think your comment that she can just go to his next wedding when she is older is catty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask him what his childcare plans for her are during the event? If his response is that someone normal (a friend or relative that you know) will be watching her, hang out and take her home at 8:30. If his response is that he has no idea, say you think it won't work out unless he can arrange for someone to be responsible for her.

Should have included this in the OP... I did ask him about childcare plans and he said that the bride's mother would keep an eye on her. DD has never met the bride's mother.

I would either ask that she bring someone you approve of, and send a babysitter, or ask that she meet the bride's mother before the event.

I agree that the photos from this will matter at some point in the future. There will be a long time between the age when DD will notice she's not in the pictures, and the age when she'll understand "but, bedtime . . . ." as a reason. So, I'd try hard to send her for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird that she’s not a flower girl or some part of the ceremony.

It’s weird he would not ask you to attend the reception with her.

But this guy obviously does not make good decisions.

Including marrying wife 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about you. It’s about a child being included in her Fathers wedding. If/when you get remarried, is it ok for him to say she can’t go?

Actually, yes! If she schedules her wedding during his time and needs him to do lots of favors to pull it off.

He’s the one who needs to think about childcare and it’s beyond tacky to ask your 3rd wife to babysit at the reception of your 4th wedding.

[Anonymous]

If you do decide to let her go does dad have an outfit ready for her to wear? If not maybe just bring her in her pjs since it will already be bedtime.

Personally I don't think there is a childcare plan in place. Saying the new MIL will keep an eye on her is not the same as Larla Smith will be with her the entire time and will make sure she is fed, helped in the bathroom and entertained. I bet MIL does not know she is the babysitter. At the very least I would need her name and phone number and would want to talk to her first. Babysitting a toddler you don't know is a pretty big ask for the mother of the bride.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm divorced. I would offer to send DD with a sitter that *I* hire and pay for. Make sure your DD has a trusted caregiver and is present for pictures etc. You never know, this might be the marriage that sticks (doubt it).

The priority is your DD. 1) safety and 2) well being. Sending her to her dad's wedding with a trusted sitter fills the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other wome? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

[Anonymous]

Can you just attend with her?

[Anonymous]

I also agree I’d this is what he wants for DD’s attendance then you should be invited to attend and look after her. It’s unreasovable for you to bring her for a cameo but not be able to actually be with her at the reception. And it’s weurd that she’s not invited to the ceremony. But agree the pictures could theoretically matter some day so I’d try to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask him what his childcare plans for her are during the event? If his response is that someone normal (a friend or relative that you know) will be watching her, hang out and take her home at 8:30. If his response is that he has no idea, say you think it won't work out unless he can arrange for someone to be responsible for her.

Should have included this in the OP... I did ask him about childcare plans and he said that the bride's mother would keep an eye on her. DD has never met the bride's mother.

I would either ask that she bring someone you approve of, and send a babysitter, or ask that she meet the bride's mother before the event.

I agree that the photos from this will matter at some point in the future. There will be a long time between the age when DD will notice she's not in the pictures, and the age when she'll understand "but, bedtime . . . ." as a reason. So, I'd try hard to send her for an hour.

Agree. But OP know I’m rolling my eyes in solidarity with you. My Ex DH got remarried and I kept seeing things on social media. So finally I texted him “does DD Have a role or obligation in your wedding”. He texted me back and said he didn’t want her to have to miss any school.....:.. so there’s that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not leave my three year old with an unfamiliar caretaker at an unfamiliar noisy, large event. Kids often get upset in situations like that and a 3yo at a wedding is a handful under the best of circumstances.

This x1000. I’d venture to say that most three year olds would wind up feeling pretty terrified at an event like this without anyone she knows besides her dad who is going to be busy! Plus, the child wasn’t invited to the ceremony, much less included as a flower girl. What the heck? It does sound like dad sees her as a prop in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other women? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

This will sound stupid (well, no stupider than the rest of this soap opera), but he's a very charming guy. He pursues women aggressively with lots of grand gestures and I think he really believes each time that he's met "the love of his life".

Wife #3 was the woman he left me for when our daughter was an infant because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm not sure exactly how things ended between the them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you just attend with her?

I am not invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if she didn't go to your wedding? That's a pretty horrible and selfish thing for you do do.

Gonna go out on a limb here and guess OP won’t need XH to bend over backwards and will have made a coherent wedding day childcare plan

Sounds like there is a coherent wedding day childcare plan - the new stepmother’s mom. If this wedding fell during his time OP would have no control over this, so the real issue is the small inconvenience to OP. It really does seem like a small concession to make for people who are going to be in her DD’s life regardless of how she feels about it. Plus, she was wife#3 for this loser (huge red flag) and is now acting morally superior.

Well actually I was wife #2.

What’s the story with wife #3 ???

How the hell does this guy have a 3 year and get divorced, meet and marry TWO other women? Wow. Was it a midlife cris?

This will sound stupid (well, no stupider than the rest of this soap opera), but he's a very charming guy. He pursues women aggressively with lots of grand gestures and I think he really believes each time that he's met "the love of his life".

Wife #3 was the woman he left me for when our daughter was an infant because I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'm not sure exactly how things ended between the them.

So he left you when DD was 6 months-ish ... then you had to wait 6 months to get divorced. Then he married someone new (say DD was 1.5 then). Then after 6 months they decide to get divorced. Then they wait 6 months to get a divorce, DD is 2.5 now. Then he gets remarried 6 months after? Not sure this math adds up.

[Anonymous]

Team OP here. And I’m a man.

It’s Dad’s responsibility to handle all the logistics. Just switch visitation weekends. Either that, or send with a trusted sitter for 30min. Do NOT send with “MIL will keep an eye on her” unless you talk to MIL on the phone about the plan.