So tired of my husband

[Anonymous]

Wah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op work on your gratitude. Another adult doesn’t have to live by your rules. If you continue to disrespect him it’s going to backfire and it certainly will not improve your marriage. Don’t fix the insurance. Say nothing. Let him deal with consequences. Stop harassing this man. Focus on the good. You picked him!!! No one made you do it. If you stop disrespecting him and focus on the good you will be a whole hell of a lot happier and he may even stop half assing things to spite you.

Yes. Let’s focus on the good.

What does he do the you, the house, the kids, the family, the schedule, the planning of life goals that is good?

You say “fun dad.” What does that mean??

Not OK, but really? Are we supposed to be the handmaids to our husbands because he’s fun dad and makes an occasional contribution? No. I’m not doing all the housework so he can relax and just go with the flow. If we checked out as much as these guys are our houses would be overrun with trash and no one would eat. Considering that most of us are working and contributing to our household financially finding the good and not having real support in getting crap done is just not good enough.

[Anonymous]

I for one decided if I needed a certain type of life, I would provide that for and by myself.

Also I only had 1 child. Life is easier with less children. Better for the planet too.

I feel bad for the posters who feel stuck in their marriages. DH and I are on 34 years -- all good.

[Anonymous]

Constant nonsense?

That sounds like dementia or mental issues. Who needs that dependent for 5 decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op work on your gratitude. Another adult doesn’t have to live by your rules. If you continue to disrespect him it’s going to backfire and it certainly will not improve your marriage. Don’t fix the insurance. Say nothing. Let him deal with consequences. Stop harassing this man. Focus on the good. You picked him!!! No one made you do it. If you stop disrespecting him and focus on the good you will be a whole hell of a lot happier and he may even stop half assing things to spite you.

Yes. Let’s focus on the good.

What does he do the you, the house, the kids, the family, the schedule, the planning of life goals that is good?

You say “fun dad.” What does that mean??

Not OK, but really? Are we supposed to be the handmaids to our husbands because he’s fun dad and makes an occasional contribution? No. I’m not doing all the housework so he can relax and just go with the flow. If we checked out as much as these guys are our houses would be overrun with trash and no one would eat. Considering that most of us are working and contributing to our household financially finding the good and not having real support in getting crap done is just not good enough.

I think that was a sarcastic hypothetical question.

I bet Op cannot list even three concrete responsible adult things her husband proactively does for them.

[Anonymous]

Your husband gave up a fun and exciting sex life to be with you. No, I am not trolling, it's exactly what he would say he misses more than anything. Marriage is a compromise. You trade having control, freedom and excitement for stability and predictability.

[Anonymous]

These do not seem to be big things. OP, what things do you do? Are you normally this rigid or are you struggling lately? I have no doubt that as the woman in the relationship (right?) you are doing far more of the household and emotional labor, but this list of things isn't much to complain about. Try to improve your communication and also let go of some things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op work on your gratitude. Another adult doesn’t have to live by your rules. If you continue to disrespect him it’s going to backfire and it certainly will not improve your marriage. Don’t fix the insurance. Say nothing. Let him deal with consequences. Stop harassing this man. Focus on the good. You picked him!!! No one made you do it. If you stop disrespecting him and focus on the good you will be a whole hell of a lot happier and he may even stop half assing things to spite you.

Yes. Let’s focus on the good.

What does he do the you, the house, the kids, the family, the schedule, the planning of life goals that is good?

You say “fun dad.” What does that mean??

Not OK, but really? Are we supposed to be the handmaids to our husbands because he’s fun dad and makes an occasional contribution? No. I’m not doing all the housework so he can relax and just go with the flow. If we checked out as much as these guys are our houses would be overrun with trash and no one would eat. Considering that most of us are working and contributing to our household financially finding the good and not having real support in getting crap done is just not good enough.

I think that was a sarcastic hypothetical question.

I bet Op cannot list even three concrete responsible adult things her husband proactively does for them.

What an utter load of crap. If he was neglecting every other contribution then shoes not put away and countertops not wiped down would not be at the top of this list!!!
Rt
Does he not bring income? Listen to her and comfort her when she is having issues with work, family, etc? Teach his children things and contribute to their care, maybe not exactly her way but in his way? Build relationships with her relatives and help others when needed? Maintain house and cars? Pay any bills at all? Choose any investments ar all? Plan for their joint future with career goals at all? Buy her any gifts or remember any special days?

You really think her husband does none of those things yet what is on the top of her mind are the countertops and shoes?

Get a grip!

[Anonymous]

I notice those things more whenntye others aspects of our relationship are ignored, which is most of the time. I didn’t marry him to mother him and pick up what he can’t be bothered to notice. Maybe if he put out or looked up from his cell phone to notice me, or cooked now and again the little things wouldn’t matter so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:thats normal husband shit

We had donuts with dad this morning so my husband took my DD to daycare. He ran out of gas on the way there.... 3 minutes away. wtf

I seriously laughed out loud when I read this. I'm one of the complainers on this thread and it made me realize that the one thing my husband is always on top of is gas in the cars. He actually gets on me about letting it get too low. But he's definitely guilty of the rest of the "normal husband shit"

I can relate, my husband has run out of gas so many times and I don't understand it. I have never. He ran out picking the kids up from daycare not long ago and called me to go get the gas can from the house on my way home from work and bring him gas. I did that, then he yelled at me for taking too long and leaving them in a hot car. I can't even say what I wanted to do after an hour long commute home and getting a gas can from the house, getting gas and bringing it to him, to be screamed and cursed at in front of my kids for "taking too long". I know all to well I made a poor choice in a father and spouse. I thought he was a totally different person when we married, and refused to have a second kid with him, but had an oops baby after being told I could not conceive again without IVF. I seriously considered abortion without telling him but couldn't do it, but I had my tubes tied during the c section for my second and told the doctor to cauterize the ends to make sure another pregnancy could not happen. I am planning my exit, but staying while the kids are young because I fear for their safety when Dad would have custody without me and I know he would get 50/50 even though there is DV involved. Once you have kids with someone, it is practically a life sentence.

I’m so sorry. Hope OP reads this and gets some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a F if his shoes aren’t “put away”? Get over yourself.

I care. Just like he cares that the dishwasher is loaded JUST.SO. So, he puts his shoes away, I load the dishwasher just so.
And yes, I care that he doesn't put his glass in the dishwasher but leaves it on the counter. And he cares that I don't run the water when I brush my teeth. So, he puts his glass IN the dishwasher instead of the sink, and I don't run the water when I brush my teeth.
And I care that the toilet seat and cover are put down every time, and he cares that I don't mix colors and whites when I do the laundry. So he puts the lid down and I do try to do separate loads.

The point is we try to do for each other. It isn't the size of the offence. It is the respect it conveys.

Well said, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're tired of the everyday and blaming your frustration on your spouse. The things you're spun up about really don't matter.

I'm with OP. It sucks when your husband doesn't pull his own weight. OP is doing most of the household management work and most of the kid management work. It's not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband gave up a fun and exciting sex life to be with you. No, I am not trolling, it's exactly what he would say he misses more than anything. Marriage is a compromise. You trade having control, freedom and excitement for stability and predictability.

What makes you think women don’t miss that too? marriage is a compromise but that doesn’t excuse free loaders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a F if his shoes aren’t “put away”? Get over yourself.

I care. Just like he cares that the dishwasher is loaded JUST.SO. So, he puts his shoes away, I load the dishwasher just so.
And yes, I care that he doesn't put his glass in the dishwasher but leaves it on the counter. And he cares that I don't run the water when I brush my teeth. So, he puts his glass IN the dishwasher instead of the sink, and I don't run the water when I brush my teeth.
And I care that the toilet seat and cover are put down every time, and he cares that I don't mix colors and whites when I do the laundry. So he puts the lid down and I do try to do separate loads.

The point is we try to do for each other. It isn't the size of the offence. It is the respect it conveys.

I couldn’t stand being micromanaged like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I notice those things more whenntye others aspects of our relationship are ignored, which is most of the time. I didn’t marry him to mother him and pick up what he can’t be bothered to notice. Maybe if he put out or looked up from his cell phone to notice me, or cooked now and again the little things wouldn’t matter so much

I have to say, cell phones are killing relationships.