So tired of my husband

[Anonymous]

Trade?

I'm dealing with an emotionally volatile and poorly communicating husband, who refuses to treat his ADHD, the consequences of which affect our whole family. This morning he caused me to miss the second part of my son's end-of-middle-school ceremony, and tonight he will project all he did wrong on me, as he usually does. He tends to sabotage all the family's meaningful events. It's sad to know I can count on him to do something negative during those times. Yeah for the memories.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this. And I know he's resentful of me for reminding him but SHEESH we both work, we try to share all the household duties and kid prep. BUT I know on the days where he does dropoff and/or pickup, he'll forget stuff they need for daycare or forget to bring it home. He'll load the dishwasher and not run it, put clothes in the washer and forget to move them to the dryer. Asks me one million times where soccer practice and games are even though he gets the same communications I do but his inbox is so overflowing he won't see them. I could go on. These things really chip away and the day-to-day and he does acknowledge it, does apologize, but it doesn't change. I know I could let some of these things go (and I do a lot of the time) but ultimately I can't live my life the way I want to and that makes me feel restricted and controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:thats normal husband shit

We had donuts with dad this morning so my husband took my DD to daycare. He ran out of gas on the way there.... 3 minutes away. wtf

OP here, this made me laugh, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:thats normal husband shit

We had donuts with dad this morning so my husband took my DD to daycare. He ran out of gas on the way there.... 3 minutes away. wtf

I seriously laughed out loud when I read this. I'm one of the complainers on this thread and it made me realize that the one thing my husband is always on top of is gas in the cars. He actually gets on me about letting it get too low. But he's definitely guilty of the rest of the "normal husband shit"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trade?

I'm dealing with an emotionally volatile and poorly communicating husband, who refuses to treat his ADHD, the consequences of which affect our whole family. This morning he caused me to miss the second part of my son's end-of-middle-school ceremony, and tonight he will project all he did wrong on me, as he usually does. He tends to sabotage all the family's meaningful events. It's sad to know I can count on him to do something negative during those times. Yeah for the memories.

OP. I'm sorry. Yes, poor communication here too. I'm really sorry about that. That sound rough. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this. And I know he's resentful of me for reminding him but SHEESH we both work, we try to share all the household duties and kid prep. BUT I know on the days where he does dropoff and/or pickup, he'll forget stuff they need for daycare or forget to bring it home. He'll load the dishwasher and not run it, put clothes in the washer and forget to move them to the dryer. Asks me one million times where soccer practice and games are even though he gets the same communications I do but his inbox is so overflowing he won't see them. I could go on. These things really chip away and the day-to-day and he does acknowledge it, does apologize, but it doesn't change. I know I could let some of these things go (and I do a lot of the time) but ultimately I can't live my life the way I want to and that makes me feel restricted and controlled.

OP here. I could have wrote this. When I note that it's half assed or incomplete, he tell's me to do it myself. Ugh. That makes me madder than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:thats normal husband shit

We had donuts with dad this morning so my husband took my DD to daycare. He ran out of gas on the way there.... 3 minutes away. wtf

OMG. This is so f-ing hilarious. I am only laughing so hard b/c we've all been there w/ our husbands. The only reason my husband didn't run out of gas is b/c we can walk to the preschool.

To OP, I totally get it. I am worn out by all the little things that he constantly forgets to do. The mental burden that a lot of moms carry is totally exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:thats normal husband shit

We had donuts with dad this morning so my husband took my DD to daycare. He ran out of gas on the way there.... 3 minutes away. wtf

I seriously laughed out loud when I read this. I'm one of the complainers on this thread and it made me realize that the one thing my husband is always on top of is gas in the cars. He actually gets on me about letting it get too low. But he's definitely guilty of the rest of the "normal husband shit"

Do your husbands watch YOUR gas gauge? Or just fill it up when you ask?

[Anonymous]

Who gives a F if his shoes aren’t “put away”? Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who gives a F if his shoes aren’t “put away”? Get over yourself.

I care. Just like he cares that the dishwasher is loaded JUST.SO. So, he puts his shoes away, I load the dishwasher just so.
And yes, I care that he doesn't put his glass in the dishwasher but leaves it on the counter. And he cares that I don't run the water when I brush my teeth. So, he puts his glass IN the dishwasher instead of the sink, and I don't run the water when I brush my teeth.
And I care that the toilet seat and cover are put down every time, and he cares that I don't mix colors and whites when I do the laundry. So he puts the lid down and I do try to do separate loads.

The point is we try to do for each other. It isn't the size of the offence. It is the respect it conveys.

[Anonymous]

I flat out refuse to provide my DH with information that I know he has access to. So he's learned not to ask.

I have given up on the housework stuff. We outsource what we can, and I get a lot of free time on the weekends while he takes our son out. It's not a great way to live, but I can't spend my whole life on work, chores, and childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't matter if it's occasionally. But all of these things every day, day in and day out for years is exhausting. He just leaves it all for me to do. Okay, assume I'm tired of the everyday. How do you fix that?

I don't think you fix it. You focus on the good things he brings to the table, and other similar mental exercises.

Me - F@c* I hate when he leaves his glass here. Calming thought - I do appreciate that he took the trash out.

Or also me - Damn it, he left the groceries on the counter. Looks over to my own pile of work shoes, bag, and jacket sitting on the kitchen chair.

Maybe it won't help you, but my husband and I both have good and bad habits. So I focus on the good.

I do the same thing. I hate that he puts his shoes on the mat right inside the door, so the door gets stuck on them when I try to open it. But I love that he takes care of managing our finances and investments.

I don't think he'll ever think the kitchen needs to be cleaned as thoroughly as I do and he always leaves his wet towel on the floor after taking a shower, but I have a bad habit of leaving stuff out on the table in the backyard and it gets rained on.

In short, we all have our good and bad things. As long as you think the good outweighs the bad, it's best to not sweat the small things.

[Anonymous]

Normal guy stuff OP. They don't investigate their benefits at work and optimize them, that's the part that bothers me the most.

If dh leaves things out, that's his problem. I just leave them there. It still works.

[Anonymous]

If those are your biggest probkems with dh, consider yourself blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just so tired of the small things that really wear me down. He is a great dad and a good person, but seriously, it's the constant nonsense, like leaving his empty glasses on top of the dishwasher, washing the dishes and not cleaning anything else and calling the kitchen clean, forgetting to make sure our seven year old has his retainer in before bed, leaving groceries on every counters (never IN the cabinets), leaving his shoes just outside of where there are to be put away, never thinking through anything complicated to make sure we have all the pieces figured out, not putting things on the calendar, and not passing along important information, like the opportunity to increase life insurance at work (and now that opportunity is gone for the foreseeable future). We both work and I don't have time for a third child. I'm really starting to resent him, particularly since he NEVER apologizes.

LOL sounds like you were counting on that.