Another question about splitting bills during family vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is somewhat similar to the thread about splitting the cost of food, but I need a reality check here. We are taking a beach vacation with my sister and her family (3 kids, ages 5, 8, 11). We are renting a house that has more bedrooms than we actually need, and have agreed to split that down the middle. Any meal eaten out we will get separate checks. The question is about other groceries during the week. DH and I have an infant who will be breastfeeding. Sister suggested we just take one massive trip to Costco and split the food bill 50/50 - but she's got 5 eaters in her family and we've got two. Is that fair? Or is it not even worth it to point out that her boys eat a ton and 2 vs 5 isn't exactly down the middle. Be honest, I can take it!

It is not fair. My SIL routinely pulls this stuff. She has 6 family members and we have 3 but she wants 50/50. We usually remind her that, not that's not really ok. But, sometimes she pulls it publicly and we feel cheap by calling her on it. Example, we took FIL/MIL out for a birthday dinner. All 6 of them were present. 3 of us were. Check comes, and she suggests splitting it so parents don't pay (which was fine, didn't mind paying for parents). But we ended up paying for us, the parents, and essentially one of her kids. She actually paid LESS than she would have. We fumed about it but didn't make an issue of it.

But this is easily avoidable in your situation. I would simply say that, since her family is bigger, why don't we just do two trips or buy for your family with some common items. We also, in these sorts of trips, bring things like dish soap, bathroom soap, etc. from home. Each family brings some things. So you aren't buying it.

But that was so easy to fix--"You're right, we'd love to treat Alice and Tom! Jan, you take Alice on your bill, and we'll take Tom on ours."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is somewhat similar to the thread about splitting the cost of food, but I need a reality check here. We are taking a beach vacation with my sister and her family (3 kids, ages 5, 8, 11). We are renting a house that has more bedrooms than we actually need, and have agreed to split that down the middle. Any meal eaten out we will get separate checks. The question is about other groceries during the week. DH and I have an infant who will be breastfeeding. Sister suggested we just take one massive trip to Costco and split the food bill 50/50 - but she's got 5 eaters in her family and we've got two. Is that fair? Or is it not even worth it to point out that her boys eat a ton and 2 vs 5 isn't exactly down the middle. Be honest, I can take it!

It is not fair. My SIL routinely pulls this stuff. She has 6 family members and we have 3 but she wants 50/50. We usually remind her that, not that's not really ok. But, sometimes she pulls it publicly and we feel cheap by calling her on it. Example, we took FIL/MIL out for a birthday dinner. All 6 of them were present. 3 of us were. Check comes, and she suggests splitting it so parents don't pay (which was fine, didn't mind paying for parents). But we ended up paying for us, the parents, and essentially one of her kids. She actually paid LESS than she would have. We fumed about it but didn't make an issue of it.

But this is easily avoidable in your situation. I would simply say that, since her family is bigger, why don't we just do two trips or buy for your family with some common items. We also, in these sorts of trips, bring things like dish soap, bathroom soap, etc. from home. Each family brings some things. So you aren't buying it.

But that was so easy to fix--"You're right, we'd love to treat Alice and Tom! Jan, you take Alice on your bill, and we'll take Tom on ours."

Reminds me of my inlaws. They have two kids (DH and his sister) who each have a spouse and two kids. All are local and comfortable financially. Inlaws will suggest we all meet for dinner somewhere, then they make a loud show of telling the waiter at the beginning of the meal that the two of them would like their own separate check. Basically so that they don’t have to pay for 1 1/3 of the 4 kids meals (all 4 are still young) or heaven forbid someone orders a glass of house wine. It would be simpler to just toss 3 credit cards in at the end. But, no. I know, I know it’s THEIR money to spend as they wish, but just feels cheap of them to me, especially when they suggested the meal in the first place.

[Anonymous]

If your in laws suggest you meet for dinner, why aren't they paying? That is common etiquette. If I invite you to eat, I pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your in laws suggest you meet for dinner, why aren't they paying? That is common etiquette. If I invite you to eat, I pay for it.

Well, I get that some grandparents do that and it’s very nice. They don’t and that’s fine but it does seem petty to me that they don’t want to just split three ways. I’m mean it’s all going to DH and his sister in the end! Lol.

[Anonymous]

I say whatever amount she buys, buy the same and take home what doesn't get consumed.
My sister has 4 children, pre-teens and teens 3 of them boys. We have none. She is willfully oblivious to this when it comes to situations like this.
I love them, but I am not paying for the massive amounts of food they eat. My sister refused to see what the big deal splitting bills were. I had enough. In a similar situation like yours we went shopping and she insisted that we split the bill again. I filled a cart with all the things that my H and I like to eat.
She got angry that I pulled so much food for just 2 people. I said "oh so you're saying you shouldn't have to pay for food that you or your family have no intention of eating, but I'm supposed to?"
She accused me of intentionally running up a bill. I told her I was keeping things even and pointed out that she always took home all the leftover and uneaten food at the end so whatever we don't eat we will do the same.

After that we didnt split food costs any more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family kids count for .5 so in your case you’d have 5.5 people. Divide total cost by 5.5 and they pay per person cost for 3.5 people and you pay for 2.

Kids can eat as much as adults s d small kids eastf aof food. OP, biy what you need for your family and sis can buy for her family. Alcoholic beverages, split. No way in hell is a child only counted as .5 except by cheap parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is somewhat similar to the thread about splitting the cost of food, but I need a reality check here. We are taking a beach vacation with my sister and her family (3 kids, ages 5, 8, 11). We are renting a house that has more bedrooms than we actually need, and have agreed to split that down the middle. Any meal eaten out we will get separate checks. The question is about other groceries during the week. DH and I have an infant who will be breastfeeding. Sister suggested we just take one massive trip to Costco and split the food bill 50/50 - but she's got 5 eaters in her family and we've got two. Is that fair? Or is it not even worth it to point out that her boys eat a ton and 2 vs 5 isn't exactly down the middle. Be honest, I can take it!

No, not fair. How about you buy just what you and your DH are going to eat or will it all be family style eating? Or, she can separately ring up what her kids will eat and you split what the adults will eat 50/50.

Honestly, this seems bananas with family. Don't you do holidays where one family member hosts and ends up buying food for all the others? And then vice versa? Unless someone is really penny pinching, this seems so baroque and unnecessary.

NP. Nope. My SIL has never once hosted us. I have only ever been to their house to pick up their children and take them somewhere. They just mooch off everyone. And they have four kids, so there's a lot of mooching. I'm well off and I never blink twice before hosting my family or friends, but it does start to rub you the wrong way when someone constantly takes advantage of your generosity and never repays you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we vacation with my family, each family unit contributes 100.00 per family member. I have 5 in my family - 2 adults and 1 kid, so I put in 500.00. my brother and his wife put in 200.00. We pay for groceries out of that money, and it feels fair. I would be super annoyed if I was in a family of 2 + infant and had to split groceries evenly with a family of 5. I have 3 kids and know how much they can eat!!!

$500??? For a week? I spend $150/week max. Why so high??

How many people do you have? We have 12 in our family, so an entire week of eating and drinking easily runs us over $500.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like there are 2 types of people.

1. There are those for whom money is NBD. this doesn't mean they have to be rich, but they just don't count the pennies. They are the ones who split bills without any consternation. They aren't bothered by splitting, even if it is uneven, and they also aren't bothered by imposing on others, when it is uneven.

2. The other folks are the ones who like a clear system, want it ironed out beforehand, and they do count the pennies. They don't want things to be uneven, and they would be aghast at knowingly asking another family to subsidize their share of a vacation just because it is
'easier'.

Neither is wrong, but I think it helps to state these differences outloud in the beginning, before a vacation, and figuring out how to handle the difference approaches before money enters the conversation. I am definitely a number 2, and my brother is a number 1. We have had to create a clear system so that he doesnt' think I'm a penny-pinching miser and I don't think he's inconsiderate and loose with other people's money.

There are more variables than you're considering. Money is NBD for me, but I do get tired of my SIL and BIL's constant mooching. I split the bills, or pay for the whole thing, for everyone but them because after 10 years of them taking advantage of everyone they meet, I'm tired of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When we vacation with my family, each family unit contributes 100.00 per family member. I have 5 in my family - 2 adults and 1 kid, so I put in 500.00. my brother and his wife put in 200.00. We pay for groceries out of that money, and it feels fair. I would be super annoyed if I was in a family of 2 + infant and had to split groceries evenly with a family of 5. I have 3 kids and know how much they can eat!!!

$500??? For a week? I spend $150/week max. Why so high??

How many people do you have? We have 12 in our family, so an entire week of eating and drinking easily runs us over $500.

PP here. That makes sense for 12 people. The person above me says they contribute $100 PER PERSON. I have a family of 4 and we spend at most $150 on groceries on a beach vacation. Probably less because like I said we eat dinners out. So this is eggs, cereal, milk, juice, sandwich stuff, ice cream, etc. No where close to $100pp. And honestly even if we cooked dinners in it wouldn't be $100pp.

[Anonymous]

It's always the people with the most kids saying, "let's just split the food bill!" just like it's always the boozers at the group dinner saying "let's just split the check!" LOL

[Anonymous]

We've got 2 kids and I would never expect a couple with a young baby to go 50/50 on a food bill with us. Nor would I want to go to Costco to get huge containers of food for one week at the beach and then split that 50/50 with a family of 5. That isn't because I'm super cheap but more because I know that we won't want to be limited to eating bulk food on vacation.

I prefer to go to Food Lion and just buy what I know my kids will enjoy. I also like to go out to restaurants and cook fresh caught seafood at home. I don't like to plan out every meal in advance, not when we're on vacation. So, while I might be up for having a group spaghetti and garlic bread night and splitting the cost of that meal down the middle, I don't want to feel forced to do that at every meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is somewhat similar to the thread about splitting the cost of food, but I need a reality check here. We are taking a beach vacation with my sister and her family (3 kids, ages 5, 8, 11). We are renting a house that has more bedrooms than we actually need, and have agreed to split that down the middle. Any meal eaten out we will get separate checks. The question is about other groceries during the week. DH and I have an infant who will be breastfeeding. Sister suggested we just take one massive trip to Costco and split the food bill 50/50 - but she's got 5 eaters in her family and we've got two. Is that fair? Or is it not even worth it to point out that her boys eat a ton and 2 vs 5 isn't exactly down the middle. Be honest, I can take it!

It is not fair. My SIL routinely pulls this stuff. She has 6 family members and we have 3 but she wants 50/50. We usually remind her that, not that's not really ok. But, sometimes she pulls it publicly and we feel cheap by calling her on it. Example, we took FIL/MIL out for a birthday dinner. All 6 of them were present. 3 of us were. Check comes, and she suggests splitting it so parents don't pay (which was fine, didn't mind paying for parents). But we ended up paying for us, the parents, and essentially one of her kids. She actually paid LESS than she would have. We fumed about it but didn't make an issue of it.

But this is easily avoidable in your situation. I would simply say that, since her family is bigger, why don't we just do two trips or buy for your family with some common items. We also, in these sorts of trips, bring things like dish soap, bathroom soap, etc. from home. Each family brings some things. So you aren't buying it.

Ask for a separate check and have parents on yours. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's always the people with the most kids saying, "let's just split the food bill!" just like it's always the boozers at the group dinner saying "let's just split the check!" LOL

This! In my 20's I used to go to big group dinners for no special reason and every single time someone would insist on splitting the check. I was young and dumb and always wound up paying 3-4x what I actually consumed. Eventually my wallet took a hit, I wised up stopped going to them except for family and close friends. I am not penny pincher, but I didn't like paying for strangers who ordered half the wine and food menu for themelves and I ordered a chicken wrap.

Now, I avoid lopsided check splitters. No one in their right mind doesn't realize that nine times out of ten buying food for 6 people will cost more than food for 1-2 people or that their dinner bill totals $200 and others only $20. I am convinced that they know exactly what they are doing and really only care that their financial burden is eased, especially in situations when the person has children and others do not. Here is a test. Next time you dine with a lopsided check splitter order an after dinner brandy and 3 desserts to go and see if they get annoyed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm this is a tough one. I guess it depends on what you're buying at Costco. If its a lot of adult stuff like alcohol then I would just split it. If its a lot of kid stuff I might casually suggest splitting the household items on a different bill than the kid food. Or just throw in a really expensive item you know your sister doesn't like to make up for it

Yep.