Another question about splitting bills during family vacation

[Anonymous]

Every year when I read poets like this I think, why are these people vacationing together.

[Anonymous]

If you’re asking, you’re already getting a little uncomfortable with the cost of the trip and the financial split.

In my family we usually divide up vacation house cost by rooms. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re using one room and she gets 4 and you’re splitting the bill in half. If you go along with paying half the Costco trip, you’re effectively paying for half of her vacation. If money is NBD and you don’t care, go for it. Though when I give a gift I rather be up front about it. I’d rather treat a restaurant meal than just divide things so lopsidedly. Also, it’s silly to go to Costco for a week long trip. You’re going to have so much left over. Anyways, you can speak up and ask you sister to pay for the Costco trip. You shouldn’t have to, but don’t let the cost split get to the point where you’re resentful.

[Anonymous]

Throw some diapers in that cart and call it even.

[Anonymous]

Are we still calling this a vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is somewhat similar to the thread about splitting the cost of food, but I need a reality check here. We are taking a beach vacation with my sister and her family (3 kids, ages 5, 8, 11). We are renting a house that has more bedrooms than we actually need, and have agreed to split that down the middle. Any meal eaten out we will get separate checks. The question is about other groceries during the week. DH and I have an infant who will be breastfeeding. Sister suggested we just take one massive trip to Costco and split the food bill 50/50 - but she's got 5 eaters in her family and we've got two. Is that fair? Or is it not even worth it to point out that her boys eat a ton and 2 vs 5 isn't exactly down the middle. Be honest, I can take it!

It is not fair. My SIL routinely pulls this stuff. She has 6 family members and we have 3 but she wants 50/50. We usually remind her that, not that's not really ok. But, sometimes she pulls it publicly and we feel cheap by calling her on it. Example, we took FIL/MIL out for a birthday dinner. All 6 of them were present. 3 of us were. Check comes, and she suggests splitting it so parents don't pay (which was fine, didn't mind paying for parents). But we ended up paying for us, the parents, and essentially one of her kids. She actually paid LESS than she would have. We fumed about it but didn't make an issue of it.

But this is easily avoidable in your situation. I would simply say that, since her family is bigger, why don't we just do two trips or buy for your family with some common items. We also, in these sorts of trips, bring things like dish soap, bathroom soap, etc. from home. Each family brings some things. So you aren't buying it.

[Anonymous]

In my family, I would happily pay for every thing because it is not a financial hardship for us. My siblings on the other hand will never take anything and will insist on paying the whole bill. It is hard nowadays to help out in any way because they will not take anything from us. The only way it works for us is if I lie and tell them that the beach house belongs to a friend and it is free, and the food is what we got after emptying our own fridge. I have a great family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is somewhat similar to the thread about splitting the cost of food, but I need a reality check here. We are taking a beach vacation with my sister and her family (3 kids, ages 5, 8, 11). We are renting a house that has more bedrooms than we actually need, and have agreed to split that down the middle. Any meal eaten out we will get separate checks. The question is about other groceries during the week. DH and I have an infant who will be breastfeeding. Sister suggested we just take one massive trip to Costco and split the food bill 50/50 - but she's got 5 eaters in her family and we've got two. Is that fair? Or is it not even worth it to point out that her boys eat a ton and 2 vs 5 isn't exactly down the middle. Be honest, I can take it!

It is not fair. My SIL routinely pulls this stuff. She has 6 family members and we have 3 but she wants 50/50. We usually remind her that, not that's not really ok. But, sometimes she pulls it publicly and we feel cheap by calling her on it. Example, we took FIL/MIL out for a birthday dinner. All 6 of them were present. 3 of us were. Check comes, and she suggests splitting it so parents don't pay (which was fine, didn't mind paying for parents). But we ended up paying for us, the parents, and essentially one of her kids. She actually paid LESS than she would have. We fumed about it but didn't make an issue of it.

But this is easily avoidable in your situation. I would simply say that, since her family is bigger, why don't we just do two trips or buy for your family with some common items. We also, in these sorts of trips, bring things like dish soap, bathroom soap, etc. from home. Each family brings some things. So you aren't buying it.

You are complaining that you paid for an extra kids meal for one of your nieces or nephews? Wasn’t that faster than line iteming the bill?

[Anonymous]

You are so effing cheap!

[Anonymous]

I also feel like, you just pay half the stupid bill and that's that. It's not worth counting pennies or tallying up the bill to see who owes what - splitting it is just simpler, and nicer.

But if you really do feel like it's unfair, or if money is an issue, maybe ask if they can pick up a check for dinner one night to make it even?

[Anonymous]

I feel like there are 2 types of people.

1. There are those for whom money is NBD. this doesn't mean they have to be rich, but they just don't count the pennies. They are the ones who split bills without any consternation. They aren't bothered by splitting, even if it is uneven, and they also aren't bothered by imposing on others, when it is uneven.

2. The other folks are the ones who like a clear system, want it ironed out beforehand, and they do count the pennies. They don't want things to be uneven, and they would be aghast at knowingly asking another family to subsidize their share of a vacation just because it is
'easier'.

Neither is wrong, but I think it helps to state these differences outloud in the beginning, before a vacation, and figuring out how to handle the difference approaches before money enters the conversation. I am definitely a number 2, and my brother is a number 1. We have had to create a clear system so that he doesnt' think I'm a penny-pinching miser and I don't think he's inconsiderate and loose with other people's money.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why people are harping on the 4 vs. 1 bedroom? OP fully admits the house has more than they all need. Obviously the sister’s 3 kids don’t *need* a bedroom each! But they were all willing participants in splitting the house 50/50 and obviously got a 5 bedroom house for a reason. It just seems silly to agree to something and then complain about it later in the context of something totally unrelated.

If I were you, I’d just suggest that both families bring their own food and/or assign meals. You can cook something cheap like pasta and meat sauce for everyone if you’re on a budget. But I have a feeling that literally any solution to this could be construed as “unfair.”

[Anonymous]

I agree it's not technically "fair," but if there is no pressing need, I wouldn't bother correcting it.

Things that would qualify as reasons to stand firm:

you're financially squeezed and the amount will make a difference

Your sister has a pattern of manipulating joint spending situations to her advantage or otherwise trying to take advantage financially

[Anonymous]

The way I see it there are two kind of people.
Those that bitch about everything and those that are easy going. If your sister is such a user, why are you vacationing with her?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are we still calling this a vacation?

LOL!

[Anonymous]

Several recent PPs have made good points. Personally I usually offer to just split because I feel like it all evens out eventually. However, if the case of a family of 5 vs. a family of 2 plus BF infant, that is probably not going to be the case. If I was your sister, I would have suggested a 2/3-1/3 split - easy enough fraction and closer to use. But I agree that a trip to Costco for one week does not make sense, except for maybe snack foods and things like milk and maybe fruit. I foresee a ton of extra stuff that your sister takes because “they’ll use it more than you.” I would skip the Costco run entirely, each bring basics and do a simple grocery run for milk, eggs, bread, lunch meat type stuff, and then split up who’s in charge of dinners. That’s how many family does it and it works well. Those more concerned about money make pasta or burgers, those less concerned might do steaks or takeout. No one cares because everyone is glad to have a night off from cooking when it’s someone else’s turn. Of course, we like each other and don’t try to take advantage.