Feeling alone as mother of two boys
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Anonymous
My son is now 20, there were some ups and downs, he has social anxiety so it was easy for his to take his frustration on me growing up. But, I find that with him, if I messed up I would apologize, if he did he would apologize, and he asks for my advice as no matter what he comes to me for opinion on girls, dating, school. DD won't come to me for advice on issues, but will accuse me two months later that I didn't even know she had an issue at school, while saying that she didn't want to tell me about it! And every singe time when she tells me I am on her side! But one time there was a girl who was a bully, and I told DD to realize that sometimes kids that are bullies are often having some issue in the family(turned out that this girl's dad was an alcoholic, and mom had a cast...for falling.....) but DD still goes on and on about, how I said this about a girl to give her a benefit of a doubt....and now she can't tell me thing. DD is 17, this was when she was 9?? |
Anonymous
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I have two boys and I am so glad that they have each other. They are 6 and 3 but seem to get along and I hope that they'll have a close relationship when they're older. My husband talks to his mom way more than I talk to mine like multiple times a week and although she lives far away he keeps in touch, sends her presents and pays for her plane ticket to visit.
My boys one seems more distant and shows his feelings through letters and one loves snuggling and spending time together cuddling so they each have different personalities but I don't think that is because of their sex. |
Anonymous
Putting girls down is not the right way to help OP. Good grief. |
Anonymous
Always a slight and a put down and so many victims here! It is very common all that wrote about, and I am not putting down girls. I am telling like it is for most girls. Girls are hard, most moms of girls will attest to this. But, you go on your Female power trip and find insult in everything. All I was doing it showing her that the grass is not always greener. But, please good grief, imagine yourself a victim in every single scenario. This is a typical dcum way for women, always a victim, of DH of ILS, of parents, of friends, of lovers, does the halo shine brighter if you are a victim? Girls are hard, do you even have daughters? |
Anonymous
Please keep an open mind and try not to judge a relationship based on the relationship you had with your mom. Just treat her as you did your son, with love and respect. |
Anonymous
| Whenever I need a reality check I try and remember that many moms don’t get a healthy child, let alone two. I think of the mamas of stillborn babies, or the moms who lose their children to childhood accidents or school shootings or childhood leukemia or war or any other tragedy that can happen. I think of the women battling infertility who would kill to be in my place. Practicing gratitude for the opportunity to be a mother, especially the mother to a healthy and well child, can do a lot to reset you mentally. |
Anonymous
I honestly don't understand this viewpoint at all especially if you are a woman. What would you think if you mom said that to you? I wish you were never born? Its one thing to be happy with what you had but, to say I'm glad I never did? I guess I am glad too but,hopefully your boys will be gay so you don't have to deal with a daughter in law. You can just have men in your family. |
Anonymous
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Be happy with what you have and you will raise very competent, appreciative great sons. If not, then blame only yourself for not want them when they were just babies.
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Anonymous
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I always wanted a daughter and every once in a blue moon I still feel a bit wistful about it.
Still, I love having 2 boys, now ages 21 and 16. I love their brotherly relationship--I do think it differs somewhat from the relationship between sisters or between a brother and sister. I kind of like being the only female in the house--hard to describe, but it's almost like I have a special status that I don't think I'd otherwise have. I feel close to both my boys, but my eldest is particularly attached to me. He likes spending time with me and apparently speaks glowingly about me to others. He's quite independent and self-confident but still texts a few times a week from college, just to say hi or tell me something funny, and he recently asked me where DH and I think we will retire because he wants to live near us in adulthood. (DS1 is also very close to both sets of grandparents; he visits/calls/emails them regularly without any prompting from me or DH.) My younger son is not quite as attached to us or grandparents, but still is very loving. FWIW, my DH is a very dutiful son, checking in on his elderly parents several times a week, doing their grocery shopping, assisting them as needed. His sister is not close to MIL/FIL at all--visits a few times a year though she lives only about 3 hours drive away. I think I'm a great DD to my parents (if I do say so myself, LOL), and I feel very close to them emotionally, but I live 500 miles away. My brother OTOH lives 5 miles from our parents and sees them very frequently. They have a close and loving relationship. Don't despair, OP. It will be just as wonderful to raise your boys as it would have been to raise a girl. Different, maybe, but no less wonderful. But I think it's important to recognize that much of the reason why it would have been different to raise a girl is that she would have been a different *person* from the 2 little people you have, not because she would have been a different sex. And please do consider whether this might be PPD. Congrats on your wonderful boys. |
Anonymous
Beautiful post |
Anonymous
Seek help. |
Anonymous
| This is OP, thank you so much everyone; you’ve given me a lot of things to ponder, and I’ve been re-reading many of these posts. I really appreciate that you all took the time to make me feel better. I will bring up PPD w my therapist next week. I agree, looking back at my post, that something may be off. In the meantime, I’m feeling less alone and more hopeful — thank you! |
Anonymous
| OP again; I wanted to share a quick pro-boy tidbit I remembered as I was driving last night. I’m grad school I had a professor who invited us to her house for lunch. When we arrived, I saw that she had 3 boys, aged middle school age and early high school. I asked her what having 3 boys was like, and she said, “more fun than feels like should be allowed.” |
Anonymous
This is so ridiculous and sexist. Way to stereotype, pp! |
Anonymous
Aw I love that! So glad this community helped you feel less alone! |