Feeling alone as mother of two boys

[Anonymous]

I have 4 boys. I quickly discovered that Easter and Christmas dresses hanging in the mall triggered my "aww, I wish I had a girl so I could buy that dress" sentiment. It's normal---as long as it passes quickly. My husband calls his mom once or twice a week. And texting makes it easy to keep in touch with your teens and college kids (so I'm not worried about maintaining communication with my boys).

[Anonymous]

At least you were able to have two children. I have an only child, a boy, and have been TTC #2 for 5 years. A second child is never going to happen for us. Be thankful that you were able to have 2 healthy sons. I would give anything to be able to have a second boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did THEY get lucky???

You did. Brothers are the absolute best and they love their moms like no other.

+1. Stop assuming if you had girls life would be wonderful. All kids are different. Both boys and girls grow up to have close relationships with their families. Don't raise your boys with this attitude of yours. Boys and girls are both wonderful!

[Anonymous]

You’ll have some much fun raising your boys! I have three boys, and I’m having the best time being their mom!!! I’m sure I would have loved raising girls or a mix as well, but I certainly don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything by only having sons. My life is crazy busy but so much fun, and my boys are so close to each other and to me. Start focusing on how lucky you are to have two healthy sons, and enjoy it!!!

[Anonymous]

I had 2 boys spaced close together. I loved them and wished I had a girl who could wear pretty pink dresses.

We thought we were done with 2 boys. Ended up going for the girl when boys were 5 and 7. Now I have a 2yo girl and 8yo and 10yo boys.

For the record, she doesn’t wear the pretty dresses. We still love her.

[Anonymous]

I had the best relationship ever with my mom, and always envisioned the same thing with a daughter. It wasn't meant to be. I have 2 boys, now tween and teen. They are awesome, honestly. In the early years I regularly felt a twinge, especially when shopping! But now I can't imagine wanting it any other wayI took the younger one out today to buy new soccer cleats and a couple of 7/8/9yo girls with bows in their hair ran by squealing and I literally found myself thinking "I'm SOOO glad that I don't have little girls." Believe me, I have no doubt that moms of girls think the same thing when they see me with my boys! It's all good!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again; I wanted to share a quick pro-boy tidbit I remembered as I was driving last night. I’m grad school I had a professor who invited us to her house for lunch. When we arrived, I saw that she had 3 boys, aged middle school age and early high school. I asked her what having 3 boys was like, and she said, “more fun than feels like should be allowed.”

Aw I love that! So glad this community helped you feel less alone!

Me too. I love that story.

[Anonymous]

My DH lives 8 min away and sees her three sons an average of 45-50 times a year. She makes her sons come for every single holiday family event holidays and even nonevents and she shows up with food or trinkets for the kids. So literally almost every week. Her expectation of mandatory attendance drives me batshit crazy, we fought a ton over the ten years of marriage over this subject.
But guess what. She did raise three good sons and my DH truly enjoys all this frequent interaction. The other two sons don’t make it to all, but still at least 40 times a year.

Whereas I as a daughter live an ocean away, I call only two to three times a month, and due to the distance and plane tix costing my parents $3,500 to come to us, and $6,500 for us four to go visit, we only see each other once a year for loner stays.

There are exceptions to the stereotypes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve put in a call to my therapist, but am feeling sad and alone right now, as I sit here at a rest stop nursing my 4 month old, and thought I’d write it out. I usually don’t think much about being a mom of two boys, but on Easter, we went to a party where there were 5 or 6 little girls age 2 and under, and my sons were the only boys there. Seeing the girls in their cute dresses just hit me, like why did these other families or moms get lucky and I didn’t? I was hoping that stung feeling would fade in a few days, and it has a bit, but I still think about it when I see a mom with a daughter. I love both of my sons, but I just feel unlucky — I am working so hard to bring them up, and they are going to ultimately join another family and not be close with me, and I’ll be alone. The pattern in my family is that I am close with my mom and my brother is emotionally distant (on another continent even!) from all of us. DH calls his mom every week, by contrast, but still, my MIL talks with her daughter every day by phone. I’m just not going to have that, most likely.

Please critique, interrogate my thinking. I know my self pity is too much and yet I can’t seem to boot myself out of this loop.

You are lucky - boys LOVE their moms! Boys are wonderful!!
I love having two boys, they are 15 & 17 now. Sweethearts.
Enjoy it! Don't worry about what you don't have!

[Anonymous]

My dad is one of 3 boys. He called his mom daily. I’m one of her 4 granddaughters, and can say that we were all super close with her and that my best memories are of the family gatherings at her house.

[Anonymous]

I have two sweet boys (middle school and elementary) and I love the girly dresses. My boys have been friends with girls since preschool days so sometimes I get to buy girl clothes for birthdays - for the girls who are in to clothes.

Last week we were going somewhere with a friend and my two boys rode with her ds in her car and her dd rode with me. We had a fun conversations about stuff she is doing now.

I think getting screened for PPD is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is really sad. There are no guarantees in life, especially based on gender. I'm a woman, and was not close with my mom. My DH's mom is one of my best friends, though. She and DH are quite close as well.

Stop focusing on gender and focus on your relationship with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really sad. There are no guarantees in life, especially based on gender. I'm a woman, and was not close with my mom. My DH's mom is one of my best friends, though. She and DH are quite close as well.

Stop focusing on gender and focus on your relationship with your kid.

+1

My mom and I barely talk. My sister and our mom barely talk.

My sister's husbands mom, on the other hand, is the BEST woman ever. She is basically helping raise her granddaughters. (Her son's children). They are very close. It is special.

You never know.