Feeling alone as mother of two boys

[Anonymous]

I’ve put in a call to my therapist, but am feeling sad and alone right now, as I sit here at a rest stop nursing my 4 month old, and thought I’d write it out. I usually don’t think much about being a mom of two boys, but on Easter, we went to a party where there were 5 or 6 little girls age 2 and under, and my sons were the only boys there. Seeing the girls in their cute dresses just hit me, like why did these other families or moms get lucky and I didn’t? I was hoping that stung feeling would fade in a few days, and it has a bit, but I still think about it when I see a mom with a daughter. I love both of my sons, but I just feel unlucky — I am working so hard to bring them up, and they are going to ultimately join another family and not be close with me, and I’ll be alone. The pattern in my family is that I am close with my mom and my brother is emotionally distant (on another continent even!) from all of us. DH calls his mom every week, by contrast, but still, my MIL talks with her daughter every day by phone. I’m just not going to have that, most likely.

Please critique, interrogate my thinking. I know my self pity is too much and yet I can’t seem to boot myself out of this loop.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman who only talks to my mother about once a month. Having a girl is no guarantee of a close relationship.

[Anonymous]

My daughter refuses to wear dresses.

[Anonymous]

Why did THEY get lucky???

You did. Brothers are the absolute best and they love their moms like no other.

[Anonymous]

Dude, my mom and I don’t get along at all, she didn’t even come to my wedding. My brother, 5 years younger, is very close to my mom and I would expect it to remain that way when he gets married. My husband is close to both of his parents and he is great about making plans and going to see his parents. It is about YOUR relationship with your children, not their gender.

[Anonymous]

Mom of 2 boys here. It gets SO much more fun once the youngest is old enough to really interact with big brother. My 2 y/o and 4 y/o love playing together and have similar interests (trucks, superheroes, etc.). Well there are also plenty of tussles over toys. But seeing them run around outside together or splash around in the bath makes or so happy. I think often times same sex siblings become good friends.

Also, DH is super close with his mom. We live about 30 min. from my in-laws. On the other hand, my SIL has all sorts of issues and didn’t speak to her parents for years.

I get feeling a little wistful about the dresses and cute girly things, but worrying about them deserting you when they’re older is silly. Ever heard of mama’s boys? Plenty of guys totally love their moms! And maybe you’ll get awesome DILs someday who can be like a daughter to you.

[Anonymous]

I am a daughter, my mom doesn't know I am 6 mo pregnant, we text every few weeks, but are not close.

You get what you raise - gender doesn't guarantee anything. Don't repeat shit your parents did with your brother, for starters.

[Anonymous]

My husband calls his mom all the time, and she’s the one (not my mom) who is coming to help us when our new baby arrives soon.

[Anonymous]

I worry about this with my own son (currently an only), but i have to say, as a woman with only brothers I was so excited to marry into a family with a bunch of women and I love spending time with my MIL. We also moved closer to them due to my job so we see them more than when he was single!

[Anonymous]

Also please get screened for PPD.

[Anonymous]

I have a 4 year old boy and he is just THE best. Now expecting a girl and worried I won’t be able to bond with her as well.

Don’t worry OP, your boys will love you and you will have decades of fun together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also please get screened for PPD.

Yes, I was thinking this too. It’s the hormones talking, OP. Get screened

[Anonymous]

My DH is much closer to his mom than I am to mine. They talk on the phone almost every day and go away together occasionally (his dad died). It’s nice.

[Anonymous]

If you’re fixated on this, you should talk to the your therapist. All I can tell you is that I have two boys, both of whom are in elementary school. They play together constantly. They bicker a lot. They are pretty stereotyipically boy, I guess, in that they are both really into sports, the can play rough, and most of their other friends are boys. However, it’s not like they aren’t complete people. My first grader and I are just finishing all the Ramona books, which I loved as a kid and read with his big brother and now I’m reading them again. We cook together. We bake cookies together. We do art together. It’s not like because they’re boys they NEVER EVER do things girls do too. And at some point they do what they’re interested in and what their friends do.

And the stuff about outfits...that phase will pass soon enough. A whole lot of girls I see at our school don’t dress like girly girls and they’ll all be picking their own clothes soon enough.

As for later in life, my husband is one of two brothers and we all live within 20 minutes of his parents, we see them all the time. My parents live in another state, we’re not close for many reasons and we don’t talk a whole lot. It’s one story but still. I don’t think it’s that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist. You don't want to miss this sweet time because your brain is already 20 years ahead of itself.

Hang in there.