If you cheated and stayed married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Such as a wife who at age 55 has decided she is done with sex?

Yes, that is a perfect example. Why even ask such an obvious question?

Why does that person "deserve" to be cheated on? Why not just end the marriage first?

If the done-with-sex-wife wanted to divorce, she would have divorced, right? So why divorce a woman who wants to stay married?

Maybe she would have, if she'd known you were habing an affair. Why stay married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? To make your life easier?

Go ask the sexless wife why SHE stays married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with. Those same reason(s) apply to the normal libido partner.

Disclose all your affairs and then let her decide what she wants to do. I have no issue with what people decide if they all know all the facts. I do have an issue with deception, lies, and concealing the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Such as a wife who at age 55 has decided she is done with sex?

Yes, that is a perfect example. Why even ask such an obvious question?

Why does that person "deserve" to be cheated on? Why not just end the marriage first?

Ending a marriage can take years. You don’t just click your fingers and boom, the marriage is over. Many stats have a one year waiting period before you can even file. That’s if everyone decides they want to end the marriage. If one party fights over assets, it could take years to divorce. Divorce laws make it more difficult to just end the marriage. And exit affair can make it easier to leave.

So get the ball rolling, tell them you want out, and then go be with someone else. It doesn't take two willing people to get divorced; it takes one willing person. There's not the option of one spouse "disallowing" a divorce. It's cowardly and deceptive to sneak around having an affair while your spouse is oblivious snd selfish to stay married just to maintain your assets and pre-divorce standard of living. Live an authentic life; be true to yourself and others.

There is no deception, no cowardice, no sneaking around if you simply declare the marriage open. Let the abnormal sexless spouse get the ball rolling if they want out.

Yes, I agree, and declare it before you choose to do it. To do otherwise is cowardly and selfish.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ONS prior to marriage. I was at a bad place in my life for a variety of reasons, primarily unemployment that just impacted me in a particularly negative way. Nothing to do with her, I just couldn't handle life at that point and slowly imploded in a variety of unhealthy ways that culminated in a ONS.

Turns out OW got pregnant...talk about bad luck. Other than paying CS I am completely no contact with her. I would completely block her from e-mail but I have to pay my pro rata share of the medical bills.

This happened about ten years ago so I don't remember many of the details about how we got through it. Obviously, she was very upset and I felt horrible for failing her and myself so badly. Probably at least once a day I think about how badly I screwed up. My current financial penance is working a job I don't particularly like but pays enough that the CS does not financially impact us.

Focus on being a good father, in addition to paying the child support. A good wife will forgive you, and support you being a good father.

He already said he doesn't have any contact with her. She chose to have the child which he probably didn't have a say. His choice is to make a family with his wife.

That's messed up...
Dude you ain't got no contact with you kid at all???

Why should he? Because of obligation? That won't make a good father. Either be a 100%, or completely get out of the situation.

The worst thing for a child is a guy in and out of their life. Honestly, if my spouse/bf got another woman pregnant I would be out of there. If I were to stay he would have to completely get rid of this woman, kid of not. A sperm donor means nothing. I think when you decide to have a child, and aren't in a relationship you need to accept all the responsibility. His is only financial which he is meeting.

You need to STFU. Seriously.
I don't know what your educational background is, I don't know what kind of family environment you grew up in but one thing is painfully obvious and that is despite your brazen claim to know with such certainty what the "worst thing for a child is" you don't know jack shit about the disparate effects that an absent father has on a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Such as a wife who at age 55 has decided she is done with sex?

Yes, that is a perfect example. Why even ask such an obvious question?

Why does that person "deserve" to be cheated on? Why not just end the marriage first?

Ending a marriage can take years. You don’t just click your fingers and boom, the marriage is over. Many stats have a one year waiting period before you can even file. That’s if everyone decides they want to end the marriage. If one party fights over assets, it could take years to divorce. Divorce laws make it more difficult to just end the marriage. And exit affair can make it easier to leave.

So get the ball rolling, tell them you want out, and then go be with someone else. It doesn't take two willing people to get divorced; it takes one willing person. There's not the option of one spouse "disallowing" a divorce. It's cowardly and deceptive to sneak around having an affair while your spouse is oblivious snd selfish to stay married just to maintain your assets and pre-divorce standard of living. Live an authentic life; be true to yourself and others.

There is no deception, no cowardice, no sneaking around if you simply declare the marriage open. Let the abnormal sexless spouse get the ball rolling if they want out.

Yes, I agree, and declare it before you choose to do it. To do otherwise is cowardly and selfish.

I would also add that this should come AFTER you have directly communicated to your spouse how much the lack of sex is bothering you, that YOU do what you can to address the reasons why your spouse does not want to have sex with you, and your spouse does nothing to try and change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Such as a wife who at age 55 has decided she is done with sex?

Yes, that is a perfect example. Why even ask such an obvious question?

Why does that person "deserve" to be cheated on? Why not just end the marriage first?

If the done-with-sex-wife wanted to divorce, she would have divorced, right? So why divorce a woman who wants to stay married?

Maybe she would have, if she'd known you were habing an affair. Why stay married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? To make your life easier?

Go ask the sexless wife why SHE stays married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with. Those same reason(s) apply to the normal libido partner.

Disclose all your affairs and then let her decide what she wants to do. I have no issue with what people decide if they all know all the facts. I do have an issue with deception, lies, and concealing the truth.

I 100% agree! Hence declaring open marriage wins over the only other alternative to save a marriage. But for some reason, DCUM prefers DADT with its deception/lies/concealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Such as a wife who at age 55 has decided she is done with sex?

Yes, that is a perfect example. Why even ask such an obvious question?

Why does that person "deserve" to be cheated on? Why not just end the marriage first?

If the done-with-sex-wife wanted to divorce, she would have divorced, right? So why divorce a woman who wants to stay married?

Maybe she would have, if she'd known you were habing an affair. Why stay married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? To make your life easier?

Go ask the sexless wife why SHE stays married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with. Those same reason(s) apply to the normal libido partner.

Disclose all your affairs and then let her decide what she wants to do. I have no issue with what people decide if they all know all the facts. I do have an issue with deception, lies, and concealing the truth.

I 100% agree! Hence declaring open marriage wins over the only other alternative to save a marriage. But for some reason, DCUM prefers DADT with its deception/lies/concealing.

"DADT"?

[Anonymous]

OP here, wow this really went off the rails. There was no lack of sex in my marriage and no one “deserved” what I did. I really wish this open marriage lunatic would get out of every thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Yeah, like if the sex is infrequent and no fun, but you still love and get along with your partner and want to keep the family intact until the kids are raised. And then, if you actually totally lose all desire for your partner, you are looking at years and years of celibacy or just plain infrequent, no fun sex. Some of you high and mighty judgmental people must not be in this situation so how would you really know what you would do?

I really hope you’re being sarcastic. If not, you have no morals. This is all about your needs; how YOU lose desire for your partner, and YOU want the family intact until the kids are grown and how YOU choose to cheat. All while claiming to love your partner. Who needs enemies with someone like you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cheated twice during my 25 year marriage. He never knew about either one. We got divorced for other reasons. That was a long time ago and we are still friends.

Best way to stay happily married is for the spouse to never find out.

You are not and never will be happily married. Don't kid yourself and don't assume he doesn't know.

LOL maybe I wasn't clear. We were happy for most of the 25 years and he doesn't know.

You wouldn't have gotten divorced if it was a happy marriage!

Let me tell you, people catch deceitful people one way or another. If you're a cheater no doubt you're a liar and cheater in other areas as well.

The fact you believe not getting caught was essential shows the kind of person you are.

It wasn't that happy the last five years and I wasn't cheating then. But I'm very happily divorced and have been for years. I am not a liar or a cheater in other areas. I don't really care what kind of person you think I am but I do care what kind of person my ex thinks I am and he and I are good FRIENDS! You are really very smug and self-righteous. I stand by what I said, if you want to stay married hope like hell they never find out. That means your dalliance didn't cause them immeasurable pain and heartache. And by the way, my cheating consisted of a ONS and a three night fling, not a long term affair. You really don't know everything you know.

Amen. The smugness and the uninformed, knee-jerk judgement on this forum is crazy. Fact is, good people sometimes cheat. Shitty people sometimes don't stray. Everyone wants to assign someone a scarlet letter without knowing context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow this really went off the rails. There was no lack of sex in my marriage and no one “deserved” what I did. I really wish this open marriage lunatic would get out of every thread.

Seriously. Five pages and only two, maybe three posts that actually answer your question from the point of you view of how you wanted it answered.

People just can't keep their opinions on affairs out of threads like these regardless of how irrelevant it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow this really went off the rails. There was no lack of sex in my marriage and no one “deserved” what I did. I really wish this open marriage lunatic would get out of every thread.

There are multiple "lunatics" who post varying degrees of the basic idea that a sexless marriage means the sex still happens outside (whether sanctioned or not). Note that the "declared open marriage" concept is 100% anti cheating (which I thought you would support).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Why not just end the relationship before resorting to cheating? Or try counseling? Isn't that the better, more decent course of action?

Someone who think people deserve it doesn’t have much decency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Why not just end the relationship before resorting to cheating? Or try counseling? Isn't that the better, more decent course of action?

Someone who think people deserve it doesn’t have much decency.

Certainly a lot of perfect people out here who don’t hesitate to judge others I tell ya that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Such as a wife who at age 55 has decided she is done with sex?

Yes, that is a perfect example. Why even ask such an obvious question?

Why does that person "deserve" to be cheated on? Why not just end the marriage first?

If the done-with-sex-wife wanted to divorce, she would have divorced, right? So why divorce a woman who wants to stay married?

Maybe she would have, if she'd known you were habing an affair. Why stay married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with you? To make your life easier?

Go ask the sexless wife why SHE stays married to someone who doesn't want to have sex with. Those same reason(s) apply to the normal libido partner.

+1
And I don’t buy that women heading into menopause are all just turning frigid. I bet a lot of them just need the chance to enjoy someone new because things got too damn dull after 30 years— but it’s a major problem to admit that so it’s easier to blame the hormones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people deserve to be cheated on. Waaaah, but it’s true.

Why not just end the relationship before resorting to cheating? Or try counseling? Isn't that the better, more decent course of action?

Someone who think people deserve it doesn’t have much decency.

Certainly a lot of perfect people out here who don’t hesitate to judge others I tell ya that

Some people should be judged.