Not inviting the other parent to a special occasion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you treat Dad? Are you doing 50/50 with flexibility? Do you discuss everything with him and agree? Send him grades and involved him? Do you invite him to family events and parties? Do you nickel and dime him for every expense above child support?

This is a stretch and nothing to do with this party. Each parent can call schools, doctors, etc. Get the child support from the court, and follow the court order. Many former couples move on, and parent with their current spouses. Maybe if the ex had a small celebration with his side of the family OP wouldn't expect to be invited.

OP let us know how this all pans out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So it is obvious that this change happened once you got married. Maybe he is jealous/sad/put out?? Sorry, there isn't much you can do. This is why they are called broken families.

The child is still family, the exes are not. I wouldn't read anything hostile into it, merely her ex moved on.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, your ex sounds like a huge jerk. You should absolutely be invited to this milestone event.

There are some really woman haters that frequent this particular sub forum though, I feel like you see them on every single post that has anything to do with co-parenting. Stop projecting your issues onto OP you sad sacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, your ex sounds like a huge jerk. You should absolutely be invited to this milestone event.

There are some really woman haters that frequent this particular sub forum though, I feel like you see them on every single post that has anything to do with co-parenting. Stop projecting your issues onto OP you sad sacks.

Actually sounds like you are projecting your issues.

Their child is almost 15, her ex feels they don't need to text, or communicate as much. Perfectly ok. OP can call her ex offering to pay for 1/2, he may be perfectly fine with that, and having her involved.

I wouldn't call this a milestone, a wedding yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you treat Dad? Are you doing 50/50 with flexibility? Do you discuss everything with him and agree? Send him grades and involved him? Do you invite him to family events and parties? Do you nickel and dime him for every expense above child support?

This is a stretch and nothing to do with this party. Each parent can call schools, doctors, etc. Get the child support from the court, and follow the court order. Many former couples move on, and parent with their current spouses. Maybe if the ex had a small celebration with his side of the family OP wouldn't expect to be invited.

OP let us know how this all pans out.

It depends on the court order and who has primary custody. An ex can refuse to give doctor information or tell the school not to give Dad information and yes, they have a right to get child support, but how much extra is demanded each month above it. There may be a lot more to this, including the relationships that OP isn't saying. Or, Dad may just be crummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, your ex sounds like a huge jerk. You should absolutely be invited to this milestone event.

There are some really woman haters that frequent this particular sub forum though, I feel like you see them on every single post that has anything to do with co-parenting. Stop projecting your issues onto OP you sad sacks.

Actually sounds like you are projecting your issues.

Their child is almost 15, her ex feels they don't need to text, or communicate as much. Perfectly ok. OP can call her ex offering to pay for 1/2, he may be perfectly fine with that, and having her involved.

I wouldn't call this a milestone, a wedding yes.

Child is still a child till 18 so its inappropriate to relay parenting issues through child. Parents need to work together.

[Anonymous]

OP, any chance he's just being a typical guy who doesn't plan well or follow protocol? You say he wont' communicate with you, so are sure you are affirmatively not invited or he just won't be the one to communicate it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you invited him and make him feel comfortable? There is clearly more to the story. My husband's ex went out of her by to keep the kids from him and try to replace Dad with her boyfriend. Clearly the dynamic changed when you got married, so what's really going on with you, your husband and Dad? You all need to try harder for your daughter.

Invite him to what? I don't throw parties. For my daughter's birthday she usually has sleepovers. Your story is different than mine. I do not try to replace my daughter's dad with my husband. My husband isn't her dad, but a good male role model in her life. My daughter spends a good portion of her time with her dad every week. I've tried talking to him but he will not talk to me.

Have you offered to pay? I'm cuban and people start planning and discussing these parties over a year before they happen. Taking dance lessons and such. Text him if he won't call you.

No I have not offered to pay. I will think about doing so but at this moment I don't want to reach out to him because 1. I'm not invited so I'm not going to pay 2. I know what his response will be "no, i'm good" and 3. I don't want to ask him to invite me. This is all new information to me. Originally they were just going to have dinner with immediate family which I thought was nice but now its turned into an actual quinceanera.

There will be no church services just a reception and my daughter doesn't want to have "damas or chambelanes" or do a dance other than the one with her dad. She wants a DJ and dance floor and will dance but doesn't want a choreographed dance.

OP I bet he ends up inviting only his family. And it sounds pretty low key. Your daughter needs to talk to him about the plans. If you and your husband get invited fine, if not it shouldn't bother you. We did our own things with our family, never with exes or their family. No one expected, or wanted that.

You could plan something with your side on a different weekend. Or wait until her high school graduation. Your daughter should probably keep her conversations with dad to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, your ex sounds like a huge jerk. You should absolutely be invited to this milestone event.

There are some really woman haters that frequent this particular sub forum though, I feel like you see them on every single post that has anything to do with co-parenting. Stop projecting your issues onto OP you sad sacks.

Actually sounds like you are projecting your issues.

Their child is almost 15, her ex feels they don't need to text, or communicate as much. Perfectly ok. OP can call her ex offering to pay for 1/2, he may be perfectly fine with that, and having her involved.

I wouldn't call this a milestone, a wedding yes.

Child is still a child till 18 so its inappropriate to relay parenting issues through child. Parents need to work together.

Each can parent in their respective homes. One can choose to go by the court order, and parent with their current spouse. Some couples are able to move on completely after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

I’m part Cuban. I didn’t have a quince. Not because we were poor (which we were), but because my mom and dad fought so horribly at every social occasion that it was impossible for them to be in the same space and behave. Parents need to set everything aside for these milestones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m part Cuban. I didn’t have a quince. Not because we were poor (which we were), but because my mom and dad fought so horribly at every social occasion that it was impossible for them to be in the same space and behave. Parents need to set everything aside for these milestones.

There's no reason for them to be at every social occasion nor sit together. This is why it works for some couples to have separate celebrations. We did because it wouldn't have worked with our families, having the exes family, new spouse's family, and so forth. There are some incidences where both sets of parents will be there, but there's never a reason to fight. Graduations and sports events they can sit far apart with their new partners. Most do in fact, why the courts designate what holidays each parent will have the child.

This isn't going to be a milestone, in fact OP's husband is planning this on his own with the majority of his side in attendance.