Not inviting the other parent to a special occasion

[Anonymous]

Just venting really. My daughter’s dad and I were never married and we have not been together for over 7 years. We co-parented well until I got married. From that point on he stopped talking to me. It’s been 2 years now. My daughter is 14 now and has expressed interest in having a quinceañera. My niece had one and now she wants one too. Turns out her dad will be throwing her this party where all his family, friends, and her friends will be invited. He told my daughter that he is going to invite my mom and brothers but will not invite me. It did not bother me at first because it’s not like I expected an invitation but thinking about it now I’m upset to not see my daughter all dressed up or be part of this day. It’s not just any birthday celebration.

[Anonymous]

He should have invited you. It's BS. i'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

I agree. He is being either very immature, very cruel, or both. Your poor daughter. It's a shame that this is the kind of example he is setting for her.

[Anonymous]

I've been to many quinceañeras. You should be there.

From the other point of view, maybe he thinks you should be helping him throw it and should be paying? Like you would be if you were married?

Go to him and express interest. Tell him you'd like to help him and pay a portion.

[Anonymous]

I’m not ready to hang him, suspect there’s more to the story then you’re sharing. I doubt the non communication falls entirely on his shoulders.

[Anonymous]

He is a shitty dad. I hope someone can send you some pics of the party. Since you can’t control what he does you need to except he is not a good person and move on.

[Anonymous]

He's a jerk.

But, if he doesn't come around, you can still be part of it. Ask her if she'd like you to help choose the dress, or favors or other traditional things, offer to take her to her hair or nails done with you before the party, arrange to see her dressed up before she goes, ask her or one of her friends to take video for you. Buy her a gift or hand down a piece of jewelry for her to wear that night.

I'm sure you wouldn't but, don't ruin it for her by being bitter or putting her in the middle. It isn't her fault.

[Anonymous]

I would help him pay for it but he does not talk to me and will not tell me about this party. The information I know is from my daughter. She wanted me to help her look for venues.

Nothing else to the story.

[Anonymous]

My mother is buying her the dress so I'll definitely help her look for one and I was already going to gift her a custom ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not ready to hang him, suspect there’s more to the story then you’re sharing. I doubt the non communication falls entirely on his shoulders.

Um, ok.

Btw, I'm not the OP but I'm a divorced parent and my ex pulls this all the time. He hosts birthday parties without me, yet when I host the birthday party I invite him because the child wants him there. If you're a good parent, no matter how bad the other parent is, you'd involve them in milestone celebrations.

[Anonymous]

Do you invited him and make him feel comfortable? There is clearly more to the story. My husband's ex went out of her by to keep the kids from him and try to replace Dad with her boyfriend. Clearly the dynamic changed when you got married, so what's really going on with you, your husband and Dad? You all need to try harder for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. He is being either very immature, very cruel, or both. Your poor daughter. It's a shame that this is the kind of example he is setting for her.

+1
Both parents should be mature enough to be involved in major life events. It doesn't sound like a small intimate party. He wouldn't be obligated to talk to you the whole time. In the end, likely, it will hurt your daughter and his relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Sucks, but I'd let it be between your daughter and her dad. Since your mom is getting the dress (if I was the grandma in this situation I would not buy a dress for an event that my child was not invited to) maybe you can do a photo shoot before the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you invited him and make him feel comfortable? There is clearly more to the story. My husband's ex went out of her by to keep the kids from him and try to replace Dad with her boyfriend. Clearly the dynamic changed when you got married, so what's really going on with you, your husband and Dad? You all need to try harder for your daughter.

Invite him to what? I don't throw parties. For my daughter's birthday she usually has sleepovers. Your story is different than mine. I do not try to replace my daughter's dad with my husband. My husband isn't her dad, but a good male role model in her life. My daughter spends a good portion of her time with her dad every week. I've tried talking to him but he will not talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you invited him and make him feel comfortable? There is clearly more to the story. My husband's ex went out of her by to keep the kids from him and try to replace Dad with her boyfriend. Clearly the dynamic changed when you got married, so what's really going on with you, your husband and Dad? You all need to try harder for your daughter.

Invite him to what? I don't throw parties. For my daughter's birthday she usually has sleepovers. Your story is different than mine. I do not try to replace my daughter's dad with my husband. My husband isn't her dad, but a good male role model in her life. My daughter spends a good portion of her time with her dad every week. I've tried talking to him but he will not talk to me.

Have you offered to pay? I'm cuban and people start planning and discussing these parties over a year before they happen. Taking dance lessons and such. Text him if he won't call you.