Not inviting the other parent to a special occasion

[Anonymous]

You have had 14 previous birthdays with your DD. Have you or the father ever celebrated this day together as a family? If not, this shouldn't be that surprising. I know you said in an earlier post that you hosted sleepovers for her birthday, but what about going out to dinner or a cake with grandma, aunts and uncles? Did you ever include DD's father?

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for their input. To answer some questions, I am not taking her to look at venues, just google searches and sending her links. She is very excited about this party and is sharing information with me, asking for my opinion on stuff. I’m excited for her and not trying to show her I’m upset about it. I will not be asking or begging him to invite me. It is what it is. I will not be crashing any party either lol.

Before I got married we coparented very well. We both communicated with each other anything regarding my daughter. After I got married he stopped taking to me and asked me to stop txting him, that I could just tell my daughter and she will tell him. I still txt him regarding my daughter like I took her to the doctors and they recommended this... or can you please talk to her about her grade in X class. No response to me but he will talk to her about whatever I just texted.

I don’t exclude him from parties because I don’t throw parties! Last birthday celebration my daughter had was for her 10th. We rented his aunt’s community center and he, his family, and my family were invited. He use to see her every other weekend and had the option of taking her out on evenings if he wanted to. As of this year he has requested more time with her and I’ve agreed to every other Thursday - Sunday plus some week day evenings. It’s a consistent schedule. No child support, big items are split 50/50. I don’t ask him for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have had 14 previous birthdays with your DD. Have you or the father ever celebrated this day together as a family? If not, this shouldn't be that surprising. I know you said in an earlier post that you hosted sleepovers for her birthday, but what about going out to dinner or a cake with grandma, aunts and uncles? Did you ever include DD's father?

Yes - parties with both our families for 1st, 5th, and 10th bday. We've all celebrated together at chuck-e-cheese or restaurants. Bday 11-13 was just her friends over for a sleepover. This last birthday It was just us for a spa and shopping day.

[Anonymous]

How does your husband treat him? There has to be more to this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for their input. To answer some questions, I am not taking her to look at venues, just google searches and sending her links. She is very excited about this party and is sharing information with me, asking for my opinion on stuff. I’m excited for her and not trying to show her I’m upset about it. I will not be asking or begging him to invite me. It is what it is. I will not be crashing any party either lol.

Before I got married we coparented very well. We both communicated with each other anything regarding my daughter. After I got married he stopped taking to me and asked me to stop txting him, that I could just tell my daughter and she will tell him. I still txt him regarding my daughter like I took her to the doctors and they recommended this... or can you please talk to her about her grade in X class. No response to me but he will talk to her about whatever I just texted.

I don’t exclude him from parties because I don’t throw parties! Last birthday celebration my daughter had was for her 10th. We rented his aunt’s community center and he, his family, and my family were invited. He use to see her every other weekend and had the option of taking her out on evenings if he wanted to. As of this year he has requested more time with her and I’ve agreed to every other Thursday - Sunday plus some week day evenings. It’s a consistent schedule. No child support, big items are split 50/50. I don’t ask him for anything.

Maybe he doesn't want to make your husband uncomfortable, why the change. Or he's dating someone. It wouldn't bother me, but possibly your daughter misunderstood.

She'll be graduating before you know it, you and your husband can host her graduation party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for their input. To answer some questions, I am not taking her to look at venues, just google searches and sending her links. She is very excited about this party and is sharing information with me, asking for my opinion on stuff. I’m excited for her and not trying to show her I’m upset about it. I will not be asking or begging him to invite me. It is what it is. I will not be crashing any party either lol.

Before I got married we coparented very well. We both communicated with each other anything regarding my daughter. After I got married he stopped taking to me and asked me to stop txting him, that I could just tell my daughter and she will tell him. I still txt him regarding my daughter like I took her to the doctors and they recommended this... or can you please talk to her about her grade in X class. No response to me but he will talk to her about whatever I just texted.

I don’t exclude him from parties because I don’t throw parties! Last birthday celebration my daughter had was for her 10th. We rented his aunt’s community center and he, his family, and my family were invited. He use to see her every other weekend and had the option of taking her out on evenings if he wanted to. As of this year he has requested more time with her and I’ve agreed to every other Thursday - Sunday plus some week day evenings. It’s a consistent schedule. No child support, big items are split 50/50. I don’t ask him for anything.

It sucks that he's excluding you - it sucks a lot. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for their input. To answer some questions, I am not taking her to look at venues, just google searches and sending her links. She is very excited about this party and is sharing information with me, asking for my opinion on stuff. I’m excited for her and not trying to show her I’m upset about it. I will not be asking or begging him to invite me. It is what it is. I will not be crashing any party either lol.

Before I got married we coparented very well. We both communicated with each other anything regarding my daughter. After I got married he stopped taking to me and asked me to stop txting him, that I could just tell my daughter and she will tell him. I still txt him regarding my daughter like I took her to the doctors and they recommended this... or can you please talk to her about her grade in X class. No response to me but he will talk to her about whatever I just texted.

I don’t exclude him from parties because I don’t throw parties! Last birthday celebration my daughter had was for her 10th. We rented his aunt’s community center and he, his family, and my family were invited. He use to see her every other weekend and had the option of taking her out on evenings if he wanted to. As of this year he has requested more time with her and I’ve agreed to every other Thursday - Sunday plus some week day evenings. It’s a consistent schedule. No child support, big items are split 50/50. I don’t ask him for anything.

The bold is very unhealthy. It’s wrong to make the child the messenger between parents. Messages can easily be distorted and often one parent knows it will be harder for the other parent to say no to something or express comcerns when the message is sent via the child.

Very unfair and manipulative of the bioDad.

[Anonymous]

OP, did he do something when you got married? I seem to recall a post a couple years back sbout someone doing a wedding and wanting her daughter to be a party of it and the daughters dad planned a great trip or something on the exact weekend of the wedding. Was that you? Did he try to keep your daughter from your wedding?

[Anonymous]

So it is obvious that this change happened once you got married. Maybe he is jealous/sad/put out?? Sorry, there isn't much you can do. This is why they are called broken families.

[Anonymous]

Wait - no child support? Child support is for the child not you OP so you really should be going after him for this on behalf of your daughter. Even if you never spend a dime because you cover everything you could be putting that money into a college savings account.

He owes your daughter 14 years worth of child support payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait - no child support? Child support is for the child not you OP so you really should be going after him for this on behalf of your daughter. Even if you never spend a dime because you cover everything you could be putting that money into a college savings account.

He owes your daughter 14 years worth of child support payments.

What if dad is planning to pay for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were never married to him and he owes you nothing. Apparently, he is a good father and this is all that counts.

What does being married or not have to do with it?

A lot!

What is "a lot". They are not married or together now. Exactly what difference does it make if they were in the past with regards to parenting?

+1 They created a child together that they co-parent. The marriage certificate is irrelevant. The Dad is being a complete jerk to exclude his kid's mother (OP) from a major life event, unless she's done something so egregiously awful to him like murdering one of his relatives. It's almost as important as a wedding to some Latino families (probably more so, in some ways, because it doesn't involve the groom's family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - no child support? Child support is for the child not you OP so you really should be going after him for this on behalf of your daughter. Even if you never spend a dime because you cover everything you could be putting that money into a college savings account.

He owes your daughter 14 years worth of child support payments.

What if dad is planning to pay for college?

OP said big ticket items are split 50/50. Dad sounds like he's resentful that OP remarried, and he's a quasi-deadbeat if he's not paying child support (but just throwing a showy party to which OP is not invited.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait - no child support? Child support is for the child not you OP so you really should be going after him for this on behalf of your daughter. Even if you never spend a dime because you cover everything you could be putting that money into a college savings account.

He owes your daughter 14 years worth of child support payments.

They may have 50/50, she may have a higher income so she'd owe him...lots of reasons. If he pays for 1/2, thats reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - no child support? Child support is for the child not you OP so you really should be going after him for this on behalf of your daughter. Even if you never spend a dime because you cover everything you could be putting that money into a college savings account.

He owes your daughter 14 years worth of child support payments.

What if dad is planning to pay for college?

OP said big ticket items are split 50/50. Dad sounds like he's resentful that OP remarried, and he's a quasi-deadbeat if he's not paying child support (but just throwing a showy party to which OP is not invited.)

He maintains a home for daughter too. Maybe OP cheated on him and married her AP. Maybe she is the higher income. He is not a deadbeat if thats the agreement. She probably treats him badly and he had enough.