Are friends who don't text me back really even my friends?

[Anonymous]

OP, my ex husband was SO bad at responding to emails and texts, he used to have me do them periodically. He'll say: I think Mike texted me a few days ago about his birthday and I never got back to him. I'd grab his phone, and Mike texted a month ago! So it became a running joke that every couple of weeks I'd have to go through his stuff and respond on his behalf.

Now that we're divorced, it drives me crazy because he doesn't email or text back about ay of the coparenting stuff.

I on the other hand am pretty good at getting back to people, and if I don't I email and apologize that I didn't.

[Anonymous]

I'm questioning my friends and family too. One doesn't read my emails and one did not open a gift for two weeks after receiving it. Most relationships I have with people are flakey in one way or another. Are there any normal people anymore?

[Anonymous]

I respond to people I'm close with and care about promptly. People I'm only pseudo friends with or don't care much about I say I'm a scatterbrain and ignore, hoping they'll take a hint and just stop contacting me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

I am your friend. Both of you. This makes me sad. I am absolutely a real friend worth keeping, and when the ish hits the fan I will drop everything and be there. I just suck at the daily grind and kind of just respond to the demands in front of me. I have nothing left at the end of my day. But our friendship sustains me and I love when we get together.

That’s so beautiful! I’m not OP but I was reading these replies because I too have a friend that I hold dear but that can reply to messages and invitations after weeks. I am smiling and wishing that this could be the answer from my friend.

[Anonymous]

With texts, if I don't respond right away, I forget they are there. With e-mail, I delete once I respond, so I can keep track of the ones I haven't addressed yet. Try e-mailing instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I respond to people I'm close with and care about promptly. People I'm only pseudo friends with or don't care much about I say I'm a scatterbrain and ignore, hoping they'll take a hint and just stop contacting me.

Someone speaks the truth!! If you don't text someone back shortly, they are simply not a priority to you. You may consider them a friend or social/circumstantial friend, but they are simply not that important if you use the "too busy" excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

I am your friend. Both of you. This makes me sad. I am absolutely a real friend worth keeping, and when the ish hits the fan I will drop everything and be there. I just suck at the daily grind and kind of just respond to the demands in front of me. I have nothing left at the end of my day. But our friendship sustains me and I love when we get together.

That’s so beautiful! I’m not OP but I was reading these replies because I too have a friend that I hold dear but that can reply to messages and invitations after weeks. I am smiling and wishing that this could be the answer from my friend.

^^me too--but my instincts tell me no way is this Linda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I respond to people I'm close with and care about promptly. People I'm only pseudo friends with or don't care much about I say I'm a scatterbrain and ignore, hoping they'll take a hint and just stop contacting me.

Someone speaks the truth!! If you don't text someone back shortly, they are simply not a priority to you. You may consider them a friend or social/circumstantial friend, but they are simply not that important if you use the "too busy" excuse.

I mean there are different kinds of people pp. I am one of the people that is just total crap at responding to things. I don't know if its ADD or social anxiety or what but the more pressure I feel to respond the harder it is for me.

It really is not that you aren't a priority, I'm just universally shi77y at responding to things.

[Anonymous]

98% of the time I don’t respond- I read the text when doing something I could not stop to write out a response to. If I’m with others or walking somewhere I need to stop and concentrate to text back but reading is easy.
1% lost my phone for a bit
1% social anxiety (not a big problem but it can randomly pop up when other stressors are snowballing)

Otherwise I respond quickly, especially if it involves car pool matters, making plans or with someone I am paying for a service. If it’s casual I’ll wait till I’m comfortable to text back. I do not respond to MLM party invitations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm questioning my friends and family too. One doesn't read my emails and one did not open a gift for two weeks after receiving it. Most relationships I have with people are flakey in one way or another. Are there any normal people anymore?

The opening gifts for two weeks I understand. I'm busy and don't really need anything. I tell my family I don't need anything. I'm thankful, but I'll get to it when I get to it.

[Anonymous]

I was reading all these posts and started thinking ‘maybe I am wrong, maybe my friend really cares even if doesn’t reply to my messages for weeks’. So I sent an other message. Obviously no reply. Who am I fooling? :’(

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing. It's like investing money. If you aren't getting any return on the energy you are putting in, perhaps you should stop investing energy in that relationship. They might eventually reply but don't waste more effort on someone who isn't putting any energy into it. There needs to be a balance otherwise they drain you when they should be lifting you up. You could be putting effort in a more promising person.

[Anonymous]

I’m your friend I swear! I do care about you and it’s more about my flakiness with texting back and nothing to do with how I prioritize you. Everyone is fair game when it comes to my being forgetful. You also know very well I’ve proven myself to be a good friend so stop questioning it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m your friend I swear! I do care about you and it’s more about my flakiness with texting back and nothing to do with how I prioritize you. Everyone is fair game when it comes to my being forgetful. You also know very well I’ve proven myself to be a good friend so stop questioning it.

very unlikely. Do you realize in the DMV area there are about 6 million people? And statistically speaking a lot of them could fit the profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m your friend I swear! I do care about you and it’s more about my flakiness with texting back and nothing to do with how I prioritize you. Everyone is fair game when it comes to my being forgetful. You also know very well I’ve proven myself to be a good friend so stop questioning it.

Dear friend sometimes I struggle with your silence but I believe your words, I believe you care about this friendship and facts have certainly proven already that you are a good friend. Maybe one of these days, when you feel ready, get your phone and reply to those messages. I really enjoy spending some time with you.