Are friends who don't text me back really even my friends?

[Anonymous]

When I'm busy or preoccupied, I will definitely miss some communications. Sorry, OP, that won't change.

[Anonymous]

I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

[Anonymous]

They don’t care about you. People have kids and friends just aren’t a priority, especially pseudo friends. Sorry, OP. I’m guessing you’re not married and/or no kids? Get some hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of them was like we should go to a type of event one time

Another was like, hey what are you up to? Cause I was headed to his house to see his spouse for another reason. Didn't see him

These texts are very vague, it's probably the case like PPs describe where they saw it but then forgot to write back, or something like that.

I'm not typing the exact thing cause I don't want my friend to find this thread and realize

but it's like

"Hey, want to go to the Mozart concert Feb 9 at Strathmore with me?" - no response

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t care about you. People have kids and friends just aren’t a priority, especially pseudo friends. Sorry, OP. I’m guessing you’re not married and/or no kids? Get some hobbies.

I'm married with a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

I am your friend. Both of you. This makes me sad. I am absolutely a real friend worth keeping, and when the ish hits the fan I will drop everything and be there. I just suck at the daily grind and kind of just respond to the demands in front of me. I have nothing left at the end of my day. But our friendship sustains me and I love when we get together.

[Anonymous]

How do we get together if you ignore my texts with ideas for how to meet? I still don't get it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, here's a novel idea. Why don't you call if you aren't getting a response back?

Because it's not that urgent or important.

Well, if you think texts are for things that are not urgent or important, why are you surprised that other people might, too? Send an email. Dial their number. People might get many texts in a day, and if you can't answer it right away, it just vanishes, really, moving down the list until it's not visible at all.

[Anonymous]

If I am asking about going to an event together in a week or two, there is no reason for me to call them and expect that they have to give me an answer on the spot at that second

But I do expect that within a day or two, they look at their calendar, make a decision and respond to me. Just ignoring the invitation is extremely rude

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of them was like we should go to a type of event one time

Another was like, hey what are you up to? Cause I was headed to his house to see his spouse for another reason. Didn't see him

Neither of those are invitations!

Sounds like he’s setting boundaries. If you’re seeing his spouse, why the need to text him? I feel like with married couples, they are one person. Example of someone texts DH and I (on separate texts) and DH responds... I don’t.

Maybe he feels uncomfortable texting too much with another women on a casual/conversational basis

I think this is probably a big part of it, especially if you are inviting the male spouse specifically to go to an event and not inviting the female spouse. Feels a bit like a date, yeah?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

I am your friend. Both of you. This makes me sad. I am absolutely a real friend worth keeping, and when the ish hits the fan I will drop everything and be there. I just suck at the daily grind and kind of just respond to the demands in front of me. I have nothing left at the end of my day. But our friendship sustains me and I love when we get together.

+1 I'm your friend too. When my friends need me I'm a 'I'll be on a plane this afternoon' friend. I'm a 'help you hide the body' kind of friend. I'll move mountains to attend a funeral or a wedding or a milestone event. And I'll tie myself in knots fitting in time to see you if I happen to be in your neck of the woods. But I am awful at the day to day. I do have ADD, that I have managed throughout my life without medication which makes me feel crappy. And I keep my household together, but I have ALWAYS been terrible at this. Since I was a kid. Just part of who I am.

[Anonymous]

I can see taking a couple days (even a week) to respond. But if my texts are being ignored on the regular from a particular person I'd be inclined to not text them so much anymore. No I dont respond to all my texts immediately. Everyone is busy and has work, family obligations. OP said she'd sent 3 texts and the person hadnt responded in a month. A month...f*ck that you arent my friend...

[Anonymous]

They're not your friends. Stop bothering people who are so disinterested in you. Friendships fade, take a hint.

[Anonymous]

OP, they're probably texting true friends that so and so (you!) is a pest who won't take a freakin' hint. Just being honest. The "Omg,, so sorry, I'm such a scatterbrain" is passive-aggressive phony bullshit.