Are friends who don't text me back really even my friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, they're probably texting true friends that so and so (you!) is a pest who won't take a freakin' hint. Just being honest. The "Omg,, so sorry, I'm such a scatterbrain" is passive-aggressive phony bullshit.

People are different than you. It doesn't mean they are phony.

[Anonymous]

OP here...People are assuming I'm a woman but I'm a man and the friend is a man I've known for around 10 years

If I weren't his friend, he wouldn't have invited me to see him a handful of times in recent months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I will read a text when I'm not in a position to respond and then I forget...

This 110%

So, you come up with a way to remember to respond otherwise you are just a crappy friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I will read a text when I'm not in a position to respond and then I forget...

This 110%

So, you come up with a way to remember to respond otherwise you are just a crappy friend.

Or better yet, wait to read the text until you can respond. If you aren’t too busy to read it then you are too busy to send off a quick reply. Obviously, these people aren’t priorities for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

I am your friend. Both of you. This makes me sad. I am absolutely a real friend worth keeping, and when the ish hits the fan I will drop everything and be there. I just suck at the daily grind and kind of just respond to the demands in front of me. I have nothing left at the end of my day. But our friendship sustains me and I love when we get together.

+1 I'm your friend too. When my friends need me I'm a 'I'll be on a plane this afternoon' friend. I'm a 'help you hide the body' kind of friend. I'll move mountains to attend a funeral or a wedding or a milestone event. And I'll tie myself in knots fitting in time to see you if I happen to be in your neck of the woods. But I am awful at the day to day. I do have ADD, that I have managed throughout my life without medication which makes me feel crappy. And I keep my household together, but I have ALWAYS been terrible at this. Since I was a kid. Just part of who I am.

ADD or not, it isn’t a part of who you are, it is a part of who you choose to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I will read a text when I'm not in a position to respond and then I forget...

^I do this.

...or I'll read the text when I don't know exactly how I want to respond. Then I forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I will read a text when I'm not in a position to respond and then I forget...

This 110%

So, you come up with a way to remember to respond otherwise you are just a crappy friend.

Or better yet, wait to read the text until you can respond. If you aren’t too busy to read it then you are too busy to send off a quick reply. Obviously, these people aren’t priorities for you.

Everyone can't be a priority, can they? It's not a sin.

Also, sometimes I don't know that I don't have an appropriate response until I read the text. For example, someone texts to invite you to something. You see the text, but you're not sure how you want to respond at that moment. Then you forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an old friend going back decades who never responds to emails, let alone texts. When we are with each other she's a good friend but when we are not together she makes no effort to stay in touch and never responds to communication from me. She is a busy mother with three children and a full time job and a bit of a scatterbrain (probably has some attention deficit disorder).

I do have mixed feelings about it. She is an old friend, but the lack of communication awareness is almost insulting and enough to make me give up, but when we're together it's like that never mattered. I still like her and I keep making excuses (see above) but I'm still on the fence about it.

Yes, this describes my situation too

I don't get why people are like this

I wonder how many of my friendships would just wither away and die if I quit communicating

I am your friend. Both of you. This makes me sad. I am absolutely a real friend worth keeping, and when the ish hits the fan I will drop everything and be there. I just suck at the daily grind and kind of just respond to the demands in front of me. I have nothing left at the end of my day. But our friendship sustains me and I love when we get together.

+1 I'm your friend too. When my friends need me I'm a 'I'll be on a plane this afternoon' friend. I'm a 'help you hide the body' kind of friend. I'll move mountains to attend a funeral or a wedding or a milestone event. And I'll tie myself in knots fitting in time to see you if I happen to be in your neck of the woods. But I am awful at the day to day. I do have ADD, that I have managed throughout my life without medication which makes me feel crappy. And I keep my household together, but I have ALWAYS been terrible at this. Since I was a kid. Just part of who I am.

ADD or not, it isn’t a part of who you are, it is a part of who you choose to be.

Are you choosing to be needy?

[Anonymous]

Who is needy? People who expect a reply within a week?

[Anonymous]

I have someone who I used to consider a good acquaintance. "Friend" would be a stretch. She now sends me occasional texts and they are always very snarky/gossipy. I have absolutely no interest. So I do not respond as I have no interest in engaging in her negativity. Believe it or not she actually called one of my close friends to ask if everything was okay with me. She did not call me. So childish and we are OLD. I suppose I am being childish too and should just tell her to stop but that seems terribly confrontational. I just do not need the drama.

[Anonymous]

One reason people don't text back is being in government buildings with no cell phone use

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems super rude to do this

I don't get why people are so casual about ignoring people for days

Really? I'm really busy. Why do I have to break my neck to answer your text? Just because you had time doesn't mean that I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I will read a text when I'm not in a position to respond and then I forget...

This 110%

So, you come up with a way to remember to respond otherwise you are just a crappy friend.

Or better yet, wait to read the text until you can respond. If you aren’t too busy to read it then you are too busy to send off a quick reply. Obviously, these people aren’t priorities for you.

I love my friends. They understand that just because I can't respond immediately, they do not take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I am awful at texting. Honestly I'm awful at all the in-between stuff. I'm great in person, its like we were never apart, but I'm just terrible at maintenance.

I am a person who comes across as very extroverted but who is actually kind of introverted and engaging in social behavior when I'm alone is REALLY hard for me. I have to be in the right mood. I honestly can't be friends with people that need a lot of the in-between. Its fine if you need it, but you should just accept that some people are crap at it. I don't think they should expect you to change, and you shouldn't expect them to change.

Same here.

Me, too.

[Anonymous]

I can't spend my life asking myself these questions. I have anxiety & I would go nutty.