How to limit the number of days in-laws visit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The plane ticket was clearly a lie. It can be more expensive to travel on particular days but making it a 10 day trip wouldn't make a $1900 difference.

For me, I would fly somewhere else with the kids. Can you go visit your parents or some friends or relatives? Let them sit at home alone.

I would also not allow them to come next year.

Well, right around Christmas it may be true. I don’t know where everyone is flying from/to, but staying an extra week in the foreign country my ILs live in (so that our flight home was well outside the Christmas rush) made it $800 cheaper/person. Some deatinAtions have huge Christmas mark ups.

[Anonymous]

^^ That said, not OP’s problem. I would 100% have DH ask them to book a hotel or take a trip myself.

[Anonymous]

MIL pulled this stuff from the beginning of our relationship and it nearly killed our relationship. Especially bc she was horrible to me. We started setting boundaries, which she refused to respect, and since her expectations for the visit were in direction opposition to my own, DH did actually have to make a choice. He chose me and our family. So now, 10 yrs later, she gets 1 visit every 6 mo to a year for 3-nights, and she is no longer welcome to stay in our home. If she ignores the time parameters we put on the visit, and adds extra days, we refuse to see her for the extra time. It was a painful process that took years but She finally stopped booking extra days.

[Anonymous]

I would take my daughter and go see my parents for a week.

[Anonymous]

How about tell them that you realize that you find that you don't enjoy hosting that much. You like to see them and you enjoy spending time with them but the logistics of getting the house ready and then figuring out meals for everyone and what to do for entertainment....it just does not come naturally you to you. You're an introvert and need quiet alone time to recharge.

You would love to meet them at a resort for a long weekend. You can all enjoy maid service in your own hotel rooms/suites and you can spend the time relaxing and having fun.

[Anonymous]

The doubled up this year, so they forgo their visit for next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do t burn DH vacation days for rude, self centered houseguests overstaying their invite

Oh, he doesn't have to take off work. But he damn well is cooking every dinner, making every grocery run, running extra loads of laundry for their towels, and setting up every pot of coffee the night before or the morning of.

Yeah, he can still go to work, but he is sure going to be one busy effing bee.

Why aren’t they paying for groceries if they are staying that long and in the house 24/7? They’ll likely be so bored they’ll eat a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do t burn DH vacation days for rude, self centered houseguests overstaying their invite

Oh, he doesn't have to take off work. But he damn well is cooking every dinner, making every grocery run, running extra loads of laundry for their towels, and setting up every pot of coffee the night before or the morning of.

Yeah, he can still go to work, but he is sure going to be one busy effing bee.

Why aren’t they paying for groceries if they are staying that long and in the house 24/7? They’ll likely be so bored they’ll eat a ton.

Good point! Go out for the day. Leave a list with them. "We've made a ton of dinners lately, and our supplies are running low. It would be really helpful if you could do a grocery run. I'm taking the kids to the library. See you later!"

[Anonymous]

Danger is your husband just opens his wallet each day to take them out, take them grocery shopping (and he/you fund it), etc.

He seems like a real people pleaser to everyone except you and the kids. That gets so old.

[Anonymous]

Book a trip for yourself to visit old friends that live far away. I used to do that when my MIL visited for a week (I like my MIL just fine, but it was stressful being cooped up in the house together the whole time while DH is at work so I thought a sole trip would be good to give myself and my MIL some room), and DH voluntarily stopped OKing long visits from MIL. I think he found it stressful to feed and entertain her and the kids (MIL would basically sit at home waiting for him to come back from work).

[Anonymous]

On day 6 you have the flu. You avoid them entirely. Make it clear you’re in no condition to host.

[Anonymous]

Holy moly.

I would leave my husband over this, OP. I know you don’t want to hear that, but I would.

The two of you had an agreement where you had already compromised to the point where it was quite frankly unfair for you, and then he stabs you in the back by agreeing to something he knew for a fact you’d disagree with. And not for any emergency either, just because he allowed them to manipulate him.

As for what to do for this trip, since your marriage is now on the rocks, I’d tell them to cancel their tickets entirely. If they come anyway, or your husband doesn’t have the balls to tell them (likely, I’d guess) then you book a hotel for yourself (and kids if you wish) for the entire time. Let him explain why. You’re now officially off the hook for ever dealing with them again.

[Anonymous]

Go away with the kids on the second 1/2 of their trip, letting DH know it is a practice separation. Or just go away yourself, saying you need some time to process his decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alos, i would bone my DH every night the first 5 adn then nothing for the next five and long after. The Ils ruin the mood if here too long.

This is diabolical! I like you.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't forget to check back with an update! I myself am dying to know what you decide to do.