How to limit the number of days in-laws visit

[Anonymous]

I would just buy them a one way ticket back. They can throw away their later ticket or my guess is that it will be magically refundable once they realize their shitty scheme failed. Start searching now. Its ONLY a 3 hour domestic flight.

If you post where they are coming from I can search for you or here are some tips- don't be picky about the airport. Different airlines have different hubs. For some places its several hundred dollars cheaper to fly out of BWI vs Dulles and vice versa. Do not worry about connections or timing. Try different days. Just find the cheapest ticket.

I'd be tempted to find them the worst possible flight on Value Jet with terrible seats and a long lay over. In fact its super cheap to fly on Christmas. If they have already been here a week I might have my husband to the airport on Christmas day after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not defending DH's parents, but I always wonder how my kids will treat my husband and I when we visit their families when they are grown. I am sure I'd want to see my sons more than once a year for a few days. I bet step 1 is to stay at the hotel and step 2 is to volunteer to babysit a lot or step 3 meet at a resort. Hopefully we'll have a better relationship that this is not an issue.

Five nights is not a few days. It is five nights. And OP said that their visits occur more than once per year.

Respect, it’s all about respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find them an Air BnB or cheap hotel nearby

If they want to stay for long visits, set them up elsewhere and with a rental car.

[Anonymous]

Go on a week long trip and get the hell out of there. Seriously, find a friend and go on a relaxing beach/spa vacation for a week- that DH will pay for.

Tell DH this is unacceptable and don't let it happen again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not defending DH's parents, but I always wonder how my kids will treat my husband and I when we visit their families when they are grown. I am sure I'd want to see my sons more than once a year for a few days. I bet step 1 is to stay at the hotel and step 2 is to volunteer to babysit a lot or step 3 meet at a resort. Hopefully we'll have a better relationship that this is not an issue.

Five nights is not a few days. It is five nights. And OP said that their visits occur more than once per year.

Respect, it’s all about respect.

Exactly. Just listen, and extend your adult children the same courtesy you would a good friend. If a friend invited you to stay for a week, would you assume that you could stay for two?

Keep in mind that if you make your visits pleasant you’re more likely to be invited back. If every visit causes marital tension because your kid and his wife never know how long you’ll end up staying, well, the spouse will push for fewer visits.

I know it’s hard but try to imagine yourself having to deal with an visit from your MIL twice as long as you planned...

[Anonymous]

This year for Christmas, they get a one way ticket home!

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you ditched us, OP! We need an update.

[Anonymous]

I only read the first four pages.

I would get a hotel reservation at a hotel nearby. I would explain calmly to DH that on Day 6, either they go to the hotel or I go to the hotel. If I go to the hotel, I go without the children and he will be responsible for the children until his parents leave.

If, as OP says, they can't afford the hotel in their current budget, I will explain to DH that if your family has to pick up the hotel bill, then he will be responsible for figuring out how to balance the household budget and if he can't, he sacrifices the next big expense that he wants (whether it is a hobby, a vacation, a trip with the guys, his favorite sports tickets, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only read the first four pages.

I would get a hotel reservation at a hotel nearby. I would explain calmly to DH that on Day 6, either they go to the hotel or I go to the hotel. If I go to the hotel, I go without the children and he will be responsible for the children until his parents leave.

If, as OP says, they can't afford the hotel in their current budget, I will explain to DH that if your family has to pick up the hotel bill, then he will be responsible for figuring out how to balance the household budget and if he can't, he sacrifices the next big expense that he wants (whether it is a hobby, a vacation, a trip with the guys, his favorite sports tickets, etc).

You would seriously do all of that and still want to stay married to him? Why would you want to stay married to someone that you had to manage like that? Did you even read what you wrote?

[Anonymous]

OP, what have you decided?
Have you and DH been able to have a sit down and talk. I would highly suggest you do so after the holidays, with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) If you can, take kids and leave for the 5 days, or

2) You leave the kids behind and you go on a vacation for 5 days (or at least the weekend portion)

3) You do N.O.T.H.I.N.G for them for those 5 days. "Host" the first 5 days, then drop off the face of the Earth.
-Do not set up coffee in the morning or make breakfast/set out breakfast for anyone other than yourself/your kids.
-Do not buy extra food when grocery shopping. If you run out, shrug and send them out/tell them to ask DH when he plans to go shopping next.
-Make dinner for only yourself and your kids. DH can make their dinner, or they can make their own.
-Do not change out towels or sheets; that's on DH, or they can help themselves to the washing machine/linen closet.
-Take your kids to a movie.
Etc., etc. No NOTHING when it comes to "hosting" the second set of 5 days. DH can pick up the slack, or not. Not your problem.

This is what I do. DH's family came for Christmas break after I had already booked this week off to relax and spend one on one time with my children. I have a baby and an elementary school child. I didn't lift a finger and insisted we go out to dinner for EVERY major meal like dinner, or lunch if we were already out. For breakfast I let my guests fend for themselves. We already had muffins, bagels and eggs. If they needed anything - a towel, plastic baggie, whatever, I told them where it was so they could get it for themselves. I didn't wash single dish .I let him do it or the guest do it because that is me and my husband's usual deal (I cook and he washes dishes). I did all of the activities I had planned to do, took long naps, did all my little one on one activities with my older child that I had scheduled. When we went out some place like the mall because they wanted one specific thing and then acted impatient if I wanted to take longer, I gave my husband "the look" and a meet uptime - "I'll be done in an hour and a half"- meet me then and then we can leave and he did it. My house is not a hotel and you did not come when it was convenient for me. You coordinated with my DH - since he for some reason though it was convenient, entertainment and accommodations are on him.

[Anonymous]

I would invite a friend to come and tell in-laws that you gave them that date range because you need the guest room back since you have a college friend coming to stay right after their visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would invite a friend to come and tell in-laws that you gave them that date range because you need the guest room back since you have a college friend coming to stay right after their visit.

I would never put a friend in that position.