How to limit the number of days in-laws visit

[Anonymous]

If it were me (because I am a bitch), if I couldn't go on vacation by myself or with the kids for 5 days, I'd Jekyll and Hyde them.

First 5 days would be hosted glory. Homemade meals, set up pot of cofee and set out breakfast the night before. New towels every other day. Invitations to local holiday fun things. Their very favorite snacks and drinks, stocked.

On the sixth morning, they would wake up to a wasteland. I would not do a THING for them the rest of the trip. I'd be up in my room or out of the house, with the kids or without, as I felt that day. I would make dinners only for myself and my kids, and would say to them, "I'm not sure what Brad had planned for dinner. He assured me he'd be taking care of your extended visit that was sprung upon me; maybe he's getting you takeout on his way home." Ice. Cold.

[Anonymous]

I think you're stuck for this visit. And I feel a bit bad for your husband. It was the first time he tried to set boundaries and it didnt work. So now you k ow their game and you are wise to plan

For future visits, the hotel is a good idea. Another thing I would do is that I would confront what you find to be their negative behavior. They are free to have opinions but you would appreciate if they kept those opinions to themselves. I'd also see if my husband could make the work days shorter for at least some of the days.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could sit them down on this next visit and explain your wishes to keep future visits limited to 5 days only. The scorched esrth approach seems extreme (and rude) if they have not been told that this is your preference for all visits.

[Anonymous]

Unless you do something very extreme, you will be in this same situation next Christmas. This would be the Hill I would die on. I would insist your husband is home the entire time, or that they change their flights. He doesn’t get to unilaterally change it and make you deal with the consequences while he goes off to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could sit them down on this next visit and explain your wishes to keep future visits limited to 5 days only. The scorched esrth approach seems extreme (and rude) if they have not been told that this is your preference for all visits.

They have been told.

They are rude boundary stompers who chose to ignore.

Can you imagine knowing that your host doesn't want you to stay past a certain point, and insisting on staying anyway?

OP, get thee to a hotel. One extra day of them without you around, and your husband won't ever let this happen again.

[Anonymous]

I hate when DH agree to something and then change plans with some coaxing from the parents.
He has to feel this change and in a way it affects him greatly.
I would be great the first 5 days as others have suggested. Cook, clean, activities, whatever.
The next 5 DH would be responsible for breakfast, coffee runs, every meal (including lunch; this is where it would hurt my DH to leave work to go grab lunch for his mom and dad) activities everything. Every singe thing.
I would go about my business but spend much of my time out and about with the kids at playdates and doing fun stuff (or working a bit more if you work outside the home).
I woudl go to bed when i wanted. They are still up talking? Too bad. I am going to bed.
They are sleeping late? Too bad, i am playing music while mopping my floors.

DH needs to know that the next time will mean they are in a hotel for hte entire time because you can no longer trust him adn them to follow through with agreed plans.

[Anonymous]

Alos, i would bone my DH every night the first 5 adn then nothing for the next five and long after. The Ils ruin the mood if here too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate when DH agree to something and then change plans with some coaxing from the parents.
He has to feel this change and in a way it affects him greatly.
I would be great the first 5 days as others have suggested. Cook, clean, activities, whatever.
The next 5 DH would be responsible for breakfast, coffee runs, every meal (including lunch; this is where it would hurt my DH to leave work to go grab lunch for his mom and dad) activities everything. Every singe thing.
I would go about my business but spend much of my time out and about with the kids at playdates and doing fun stuff (or working a bit more if you work outside the home).
I woudl go to bed when i wanted. They are still up talking? Too bad. I am going to bed.
They are sleeping late? Too bad, i am playing music while mopping my floors.

DH needs to know that the next time will mean they are in a hotel for hte entire time because you can no longer trust him adn them to follow through with agreed plans.

It feels so bitchy, but I think this is what you have to do. They did this on purpose, they are calling your bluff. YOUR HUSBAND needs to feel the imposition. Personally, I'd tell him that I was livid with him, and that I would not be home for the last five days, either taking a trip or just being out of the house all day. Tell him that you are doing nothing for the last five days. NOTHING. And then do nothing. Not a single damn thing. If they complain, refer them to your husband.

[Anonymous]

And for Christmas this year your gift to them is a five night stay in a hotel!

[Anonymous]

I would go on a girls trip. Have DH and grandma and grandpa can watch the kids. Make sure to hit the spa and go shopping. Win win. You can now take control and do what is right for YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when DH agree to something and then change plans with some coaxing from the parents.
He has to feel this change and in a way it affects him greatly.
I would be great the first 5 days as others have suggested. Cook, clean, activities, whatever.
The next 5 DH would be responsible for breakfast, coffee runs, every meal (including lunch; this is where it would hurt my DH to leave work to go grab lunch for his mom and dad) activities everything. Every singe thing.
I would go about my business but spend much of my time out and about with the kids at playdates and doing fun stuff (or working a bit more if you work outside the home).
I woudl go to bed when i wanted. They are still up talking? Too bad. I am going to bed.
They are sleeping late? Too bad, i am playing music while mopping my floors.

DH needs to know that the next time will mean they are in a hotel for hte entire time because you can no longer trust him adn them to follow through with agreed plans.

It feels so bitchy, but I think this is what you have to do. They did this on purpose, they are calling your bluff. YOUR HUSBAND needs to feel the imposition. Personally, I'd tell him that I was livid with him, and that I would not be home for the last five days, either taking a trip or just being out of the house all day. Tell him that you are doing nothing for the last five days. NOTHING. And then do nothing. Not a single damn thing. If they complain, refer them to your husband.

I have to agree with this. Solid plan.

[Anonymous]

I would book you and your family a trip somewhere after the 5 days.

[Anonymous]

I feel that you either need to get out of the house AND take the kids OR make them stay in a hotel.

Otherwise you’re rewarding them for imposing. You can continually say “I’m so sorry, we weren’t expecting guests now and we had other plans.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And for Christmas this year your gift to them is a five night stay in a hotel!

or a flight home the next day.

[Anonymous]

I can't do a solid week and a half of tour guide duty, cooking, entertaining, driving them around...hosting, either. I've never shown up on someone else's doorstep and expected treatment like that.

And this is after all the work you do to get the house ready, plus dealing with your kids....

That doesn't sound enjoyable to me. Maybe you can meet them somewhere at a resort for a long weekend. That way everyone gets to visit, relax and enjoy themselves.