S/O what do you consider “haves”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are so disgusting. DH and I are researchers at NIH and both have our PHDs. The only reason our kids have passports is because we send them back to India for the summer to stay with family because we cannot afford camps and round the clock summer care for them. No, it is not "standard" that kids hike the Inca trail. Most American kids haven't even been to Canada, Mexico, or even on a domestic flight. It is not standard that a kid have a fully funded 529.

I see sick kids day in and day out and these kids by the grace of generosity get to stay for free at the children's Inn, these are "normal" families who don't have the money for weeks at a motel, let alone the Inca Trail.

You need to travel to my home country, India and wake the f%ck up. Yes, even my kids, with a woefully funded 529, family trips to the Blue Ridge Mountains, and the luxury of clean water, medical care and a safe home are haves.

Americans sometimes really disgust me with their ignorance.

From one Indian-American to another, you are being purposely obtuse when you go all SJW on “ignorant” Americans while ignoring the EXTREME income and class inequality in India. Yeah there’s poor people who live in slums but there’s also a huge middle class and ultra rich class that have everything and much more than you. They don’t even treat the poor like humans, let alone sympathize and contemplate what it’s like to be a “have not.” There’s a lot of striving and loss of perspective around the world, not just in America.

+1, thank you. Maybe the PP would let us know whether her family in India employs domestic help, and what they pay them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No - It’s not unique to have two parents home at 5pm every night and have home-cooked meals all together at the dinner table every night? Plus the money for college/first home, EC music lessons, expensive sport, tutors...that’s what most people have?

If that is not unique it is news to most of America.

Wait how do you get both parents home by 5?? That alone is really really hard if you also have decent income.

I SAH, my husband tries to work from home 2-3 days a week and usually goes to work early and tries to get home by 5, sometimes earlier. Its not that hard depending on the actual job.

Please let me know the field where I can work from home that much and leave early and still afford all that you list. Clearly I choose poorly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The poster saying traveling the inca trail is standard is in a little bubble and woefully out of touch. Most Americans haven’t even been out of the US before.

That can’t be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are so disgusting. DH and I are researchers at NIH and both have our PHDs. The only reason our kids have passports is because we send them back to India for the summer to stay with family because we cannot afford camps and round the clock summer care for them. No, it is not "standard" that kids hike the Inca trail. Most American kids haven't even been to Canada, Mexico, or even on a domestic flight. It is not standard that a kid have a fully funded 529.

Around here? Yes it’s really common for kids to have fat 529s and to have been to Peru on vacation or similar. Sorry if that disturbs you but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

It’s not standard to make your kids home up that mountain!

It is standard to take the train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Why is this perplexing? Do you know what bilingual even means? And what does travel to Peru have to do with the languages they speak, LOL!

Do YOU know what bilingual means? My children are trilingual, and my husband and I only speak English. I know how much work it has taken to get our children to this point. I also know that most of you on DCUM don’t have bilingual or trilingual children because even the parents at my children’s immersion school aren’t maximizing their children’s language exposure.

So, to answer my own question, most of you do not have bilingual children, nor have your children hiked the Inca trail (or done something similar).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

PP here. No my kids aren’t bilingual (white Americans) but they do have daily foreign language instruction in their top private.

As for Machu Pichu, yes we have been but we took the train.

Nothing in that post says “have” to me

Daily foreign language instruction? That means that they’re not bilingual. So according to this definition, your monolingual children are not haves. Move along now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

Seems like kind of a waste, because I doubt they remember it. But also a pretty pedestrian country count for the DMV I would think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

Seems like kind of a waste, because I doubt they remember it. But also a pretty pedestrian country count for the DMV I would think.

How many countries have your children traveled to and how old are they?

In my high SES Upper NW neighborhood/children’s school, none of the children that I encounter have been to even half this number of countries. This includes the children of World Bank/IMF families.

Perhaps such travel would be wasted on your children. However, my children often bring up fond memories of their trips to Cape Town, Rio, Paris, Tokyo, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

Seems like kind of a waste, because I doubt they remember it. But also a pretty pedestrian country count for the DMV I would think.

How many countries have your children traveled to and how old are they?

In my high SES Upper NW neighborhood/children’s school, none of the children that I encounter have been to even half this number of countries. This includes the children of World Bank/IMF families.

Perhaps such travel would be wasted on your children. However, my children often bring up fond memories of their trips to Cape Town, Rio, Paris, Tokyo, etc.

Well, my three year old has been to 9 countries, but I never thought of that as extraordinary, and at that age the trips are obviously purely for our benefit. And do you really go around polling your children’s peers or their parents on their country counts. Seems very bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are so disgusting. DH and I are researchers at NIH and both have our PHDs. The only reason our kids have passports is because we send them back to India for the summer to stay with family because we cannot afford camps and round the clock summer care for them. No, it is not "standard" that kids hike the Inca trail. Most American kids haven't even been to Canada, Mexico, or even on a domestic flight. It is not standard that a kid have a fully funded 529.

Around here? Yes it’s really common for kids to have fat 529s and to have been to Peru on vacation or similar. Sorry if that disturbs you but it is what it is.

Correction: in YOUR little slice of "around here." Not "around here" as a whole. For every NW/Bethesda/McLean/N Arlington type, there are even more SE DC/Gaithersburg/Germantown/PWC/Annandale etc. types don't even have 529s, let alone well-funded ones, and for whom vacation is a drive to visit the grandparents or OCMD or King's Dominion.

Again, you live in a bubble. Which is fine. But the fact that you think this is normal on a large scale proves that you are very sheltered. It may be normal in your type of circle, but your type of circle is only a tiny sliver of metropolitan Washington, DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

Seems like kind of a waste, because I doubt they remember it. But also a pretty pedestrian country count for the DMV I would think.

How many countries have your children traveled to and how old are they?

In my high SES Upper NW neighborhood/children’s school, none of the children that I encounter have been to even half this number of countries. This includes the children of World Bank/IMF families.

Perhaps such travel would be wasted on your children. However, my children often bring up fond memories of their trips to Cape Town, Rio, Paris, Tokyo, etc.

Well, my three year old has been to 9 countries, but I never thought of that as extraordinary, and at that age the trips are obviously purely for our benefit. And do you really go around polling your children’s peers or their parents on their country counts. Seems very bizarre.

DP. We travel often, at least ten times per year. We find it difficult to travel long with young children. We mostly travel within the US or Caribbean. Anything more than 5 hours is hard.

I personally love to travel and would love to travel the world with my children. I have been to 50+ countries and the majority of my travel was in my 20s.

Whoever said that it is the norm for a 10yo to have been to 30 countries is truly out of touch. DH and I are Ivy League educated and we have a seven figure income. We know many wealthy families and I don’t think we know anyone with young children who travels to that many countries. This includes people with huge trust funds. Sure, the parents will travel. International families will go back to their home countries to visit family. People often coment that we travel a lot. We probably do 3 international and 6-8 domestic trips. Our international trips are often to repeat countries.

I will do trips with my friends or DH to Europe or Asia. My youngest is a toddler. I have no desire to bring her to Asia with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

Seems like kind of a waste, because I doubt they remember it. But also a pretty pedestrian country count for the DMV I would think.

How many countries have your children traveled to and how old are they?

In my high SES Upper NW neighborhood/children’s school, none of the children that I encounter have been to even half this number of countries. This includes the children of World Bank/IMF families.

Perhaps such travel would be wasted on your children. However, my children often bring up fond memories of their trips to Cape Town, Rio, Paris, Tokyo, etc.

Well, my three year old has been to 9 countries, but I never thought of that as extraordinary, and at that age the trips are obviously purely for our benefit. And do you really go around polling your children’s peers or their parents on their country counts. Seems very bizarre.

You’re bizarre for thinking that I’m polling my children’s peers. My children travel a lot, and many parents are aware of their travels. They often ask where we’re heading next, and how many countries will this make for our children. Our response is usually met with pleasant surprise, and in turn the parents usually tell me that that’s more countries than they themselves have traveled to. That’s how I know that their elementary-aged children have traveled to fewer countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are "haves". They have a fully funded college education, they will be gifted money for their first down payment, they have tutors when they need it, they have music lessons and play an expensive sport, they are bilingual, they have braces, they have healthy home cooked food every day, they have parents who are home each day by 5pm and everyone eats dinner around the table, they have a large extended family that lives locally, they have nice vacations and have been able to do things like hike the Inca trail and are able to see first hand what they've learned in school, they have a family who models what it means to be a healthy adult, they have access to a great education.

I'm not ashamed my kids are have, nor do I try to make them think thry are not haves. They have opportunities and doors pushed wide open for them to walk right in. We hope they one day step through the thresh hold.

Not to diminish your accomplishments or what you feel you have achieved, but everything you mention is pretty standard stuff and does not make your children “haves” in the sense that OP was intending. To be a “have” ensures that your children will thrive in today’s America totally apart from their own accomplishments, and really requires a seven or eight figure trust fund.

Yup. What the .PP describes is just good parenting plus UNC money. Hardly unique.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

So all of your children are bilingual (from English only homes), and have hiked the Inca trail? Mmmkay.

Is hiking the Inca trail that impressive? I thought every college kid did that.

You’re talking about college? I thought we were referring to elementary school children. My children are ages 8 and 10 and they’ve already traveled to over 30 countries on 5 continents.

Seems like kind of a waste, because I doubt they remember it. But also a pretty pedestrian country count for the DMV I would think.

How many countries have your children traveled to and how old are they?

In my high SES Upper NW neighborhood/children’s school, none of the children that I encounter have been to even half this number of countries. This includes the children of World Bank/IMF families.

Perhaps such travel would be wasted on your children. However, my children often bring up fond memories of their trips to Cape Town, Rio, Paris, Tokyo, etc.

Well, my three year old has been to 9 countries, but I never thought of that as extraordinary, and at that age the trips are obviously purely for our benefit. And do you really go around polling your children’s peers or their parents on their country counts. Seems very bizarre.

You’re bizarre for thinking that I’m polling my children’s peers. My children travel a lot, and many parents are aware of their travels. They often ask where we’re heading next, and how many countries will this make for our children. Our response is usually met with pleasant surprise, and in turn the parents usually tell me that that’s more countries than they themselves have traveled to. That’s how I know that their elementary-aged children have traveled to fewer countries.

PP here. I’m not doubting you, and I guess I never really stopped to think about it, but with all the talk I hear constantly about international travel from families in this area, including in the travel forum of this website, I would have thought that many, many children in this area (and certainly their parents) had similar if not greater country counts. There obviously is know way to know for sure, but it sounds like maybe that isn’t true.